thanks anita;) Good job on the fast walk 5.5 miles in 1.5 hours;) I tend to walk fast in school so i tend to have to dodge people as i go. i’m nervous about the minimum wage debate for ap english tomorrow. i am going against my ap english friend who is great with science , he is really smart and confident and i am nervous. what do you think about this 2 minute rebuttal on supporting minimum wage? I’m on the side that says you can live on minimum wage and he’s on the side that says you can’t. we both are great at science and we might incorporate some scientific facts in our arguments. he claims he is better at me in using science to argue because he is very educated in mechanical and electrical physics, chemistry and biology. i am too, but sometimes he does make me feel inadequate in my knowledge because there are some subjects he would know more about. we tend to think similarly and agree on some points of science and economics, but on topics where we diverge, he is very eloquent and a great debater and quite persuasive on why his side is right over mine. we were practicing our debates after school today and there were times when he talked about human nature and politics so eloquently that i was at loss for words at times. i said that john locke had said it was man’s right to live together and help each other succeed. but he argued for survival of the fittest in social darwinism and how minimum wage workers wouldn’t make it. we went back and forth. He is great at reading people and so am i so sometimes we look for cues as to what the other may say, but since we know each one of us is doing that, we tend to hide any cues to avoid advantages to the other side’s argument. anyway, about my special friend there are times when i deny that i love him because i’m afraid to love and be betrayed.

Here it is:

“Work is supposed to save you from being an outcast” as stated by Pete, a manager in Barbara Ehrenreich’s Nickel and Dimed. In our capitalistic society, working hard can get you far in life. According to Adam Smith’s Wealth of Nations, if you work hard no matter how rich or poor you are, you can earn enough money for a steady life and thrive in the economy. In 2014, 77.2 million workers age 16 and older were paid by the hour, many of them earning the minimum wage of 7.25 an hour. An individual can survive and live off of minimum wage if they work hard, seek out low rent homes and use food stamps. A person working at a full time minimum wage job can earn $11,695 which is 65% above the poverty line. Although, minimum wage might not be pleasant to live on, by budgeting your income and expenses and picking out what you really need and what you want can help you save money. Basic necessities such as food can be provided by low costs from soup kitchens. In Barbara’s case she set herself up for failure by buying a $40 pair of pants and an expensive belt that she didn’t really need when she could have saved her money by getting cheaper clothes at a discounted price. In contrast, Adam Shepard left college with only $25, living in a homeless shelter and in ten months, he was able to have a car and buy an apartment. Even though, Barbara states that rent should only be 30% of your income to be affordable rent, there are 77.2 million workers who just seem to get by enough to survive who can still have lives and families if they work hard and have the right attitude. There for it is possible to live on minimum wage.

Thanks anita;) i find that after being betrayed a couple of times, i seem to be afraid to open myself fully to love, i always hold back a little. i find that i really enjoy biology and chemistry especially when it applies to neuroscience. i think i am going to study neuroscience and how the brain affects our genes and our health. i wonder if there is a way i can combine gene therapy and neuroscience. i feel like that even though i have developed more confidence, there is still a part of me that is still criticizing of myself and always tries to push me down. i think the song ‘High Above Me’ by Tal Bachman describes how i sometimes feel about myself. in the song he states “She’s got the best of everything. What could a guy like me ever really offer? She’s perfect as she can be, why should I even bother, Cause she’s so high, High above me, she’s so lovely.” I feel like i’m the guy in the song who sometimes thinks that other people have so much more than i do, that they are perfect and that i’ll never be that way. i think that is why i’m so shy around my special friend at times because i think that i have nothing to offer, that he is just so much better than me. also in the song it states “I know right where I belong and nothing’s gonna happen.” i feel like he and i are in different circles, he is an athletic actor while i’m a philosopher and scientist. there are times when i feel like i am not good enough because some of my friends can grasp concepts in physics honors quite quickly while for me it takes time. i like my pre-calc teacher who goes slower and takes time to explain things. i think these days because of my intense drive and ambition to do well and my fierce competitiveness, some people seem to not like me or seems to uncomfortable around me. it’s like they don’t like the energy i radiate which is a strong will and also a developing mental power. some people think at these times when i am intensely focused and think and compete in everything and try my hardest, that i’m becoming aggressive, isolated, cold and calculating. in those times when i am experimenting with a math or science concept, i tend to enjoy having time to myself to explore, but i’m fine having friends around. the girl from the A team told me today that i was too intense in my studies and that i was scaring my friends away and just bringing more stress. i don’t think it is that at all, i think it is just that my subconscious mind is working to process lots of things and my mental drive to do well is increasing. i feel like i have withdrawn into a world of math, science and working out where i still have friends who support me, but the outside forces don’t affect me anymore. when my mom gets mad at the restaurant during rush hour, i can feel her anger, but it doesn’t affect me negatively or leave me stressed in fact it just fuels my energy and my drive to do better in school, to be healthy and to meditate. my lunch buddy says that i am looking at the world through a glass pane. i take the important stuff and i filter out the trivial stuff and the negative stuff, also sometimes using them to help me at times. he says it’s not a bad thing since it helps me focus on school and protects me from negative emotions, yet it can also make me seem closed off from people.

thanks anita;) i found that if i can get a 4 on my two ap tests in may, i have 134 school credits total and can graduate my junior year. i wonder if this is a good idea. i think that it would be better if i told him in person. the book i am reading now is about psychology and the way your environment is affects the way you think and behave. he’s been told so many times in texts and in person by people that he isn’t good enough, that he isn’t worth anything. that is probably why when i wrote him a poem once and gave it to him, he didn’t believe the poem i wrote could be true. also, i wish i could be more simplistic in my words to him at times because i think it is hard for him to grasp the concept of love since he’s been hurt too many times. if i could tell him simply such as “you’re the reason i know what love is.” and make him understand that i truly care about him spiritually, it would help him feel less insecure about himself.

Thanks elle;) i agree that constructive criticism can be helpful, but parents always see so many inadequacies about me such as that i’ve got my head in the clouds even though i try really hard in school. they tell me that i’m still not healthy even though i try to meditate and be healthy.

thanks anita;) i agree that sometimes the waters get rough and your hands tired of rowing through life and you want to turn and run back, but there isn’t a way to turn back and denying the present moment only makes it come back to haunt you. i realized that the hard way in seventh grade when i was sad and lonely, i denied it and it all built up until i felt so much that i just felt myself seem like i was in a hole of darkness. i’m glad my special friend was there that year to help me. i think it is important to be patient and not rush things, like my parents do at times, they are often stressed and rush from things to things instead of taking time to live in the moment. thanks for liking the part about everyone being a star because they are, they have to believe in themselves and they will go far to light up the world. the greatest thing about wicca is that it teaches you that you are nature and since you are nature, you should appreciate yourself and appreciate nature and know you are divine. in buddhism you walk your own path to nirvana by living a nonjudgmental, detached from suffering and in wicca there is the wiccan rede where you should not harm none including yourself and you should live each moment in gratitude of what you have so those two go hand in had quite. my lunch buddy wants me to take ap physics next year, but i’m not sure it’s right for me. i tend to understand a section in a chapter in physics honors, then i don’t understand the next two sections and then i finally understand the sections next chapter. it just makes me always on guard because i’m afraid that my grade will suffer, sometimes i think it is because i overanalyze my physics honors assignment or at other times the teacher doesn’t explain much and often fast so it’s hard to follow him. my pre-calc teacher always waits to make sure her students can write the problems down and she goes through them patiently, explaining the steps and when she is finished, she waits for a while for the students to process it before she asks if there are any questions or before she moves on. the good thing i’ve been doing is even if i am stressed, i don’t let it control me or let it go too far. i accept it and usually work out or take some time with friends to release the stress, but i never let stress to to anger or prejudice that i start blaming others like my parents do at times. i am currently working on pulling my physics honors grade up since i did bad on a test and i am confused about the chapter we are learning on forces and net forces. my special friend was listening to me talking to one of my gal friends about track and he told me that he was glad that i was trying out and he wished me luck. after ap english class, the friend who is great at electronics and i were competing about math and i was annoyed because there were some topics he knew more than i did like logarithmic operations, but my special friend came by and he overheard the conversation and he seemed worried and upset that i was competing with one of my friends and it was stressing me. he kept looking at me worried, asking me with his expression if i was okay, i was busy arguing so i gave him a nod. he still seemed worried about me and i felt bad about not giving him a more thorough response, but when he walked past both of us, he said to me “i wish you luck in your education. don’t let the competition make you lose who you truly are as a person.” i think his main fear is that i will become a different person to him when i take on the competition to bring up my grades and when i hang around my three guy friends, he’s afraid i’ll forget about him and won’t care about him anymore because my friends have a lot more knowledge than he does on math and science. i wish that i could take away all his insecurities, all the bad things people say about him and reassure him that it doesn’t matter the friends i spend my time with, it doesn’t matter the competition in school, it doesn’t matter the strain sometimes i face from my parents, i will always have a spiritual love for him that is unlike all the other guys i know. there are times when i hear him tell his friends “i wish i understood her more, i wish i knew what the other guys knew so i could help her.” if i could only reassure him that he already means so much to me and that his simple presence dissolves the doubts i have in my mind, the stress i sometimes get from school and also from the criticism from my parents. if only i could make him understand that out of all the guys i’ve ever met, he has been the most special one and i don’t care that he is not as smart as the other three guys i hang out with. i always try to see both sides of things and i realize that the people who ridicule him don’t take the chance to really get to know the compassionate person he is. i love him for the simple enthusiasm he has in life, the compassion he has for those he cares about, his intense loyalty to his friends and how he would do anything to protect them (like me) and the idea that he can be quite creative and make me laugh. he is also very empathetic and understands me more than he thinks he does.

Here is a poem:

Tomorrow

Where you going to be tomorrow?

How was the person you were today?

The person you were today determines what you may face tomorrow

So be the best person you can be today

So what awaits for you tomorrow will be a gift

Eve if today was the worst day for you

Live in anticipation for tomorrow

Tomorrow is a new chance, a new start

Many surprises await for you

Many bridges await for you to be crossed

So let go of yesterday, enjoy today and hope for tomorrow

And if you’re terrified by sadness, fear or worry

You are not alone

Through the darkest moments, you truly realize how strong you really are, how much braver you are than you think and how much more intelligence you have

Life is a maze of twist and turns

And sometimes you may feel like running and hiding

Instead accept these feelings and let them go

Life is an adventure

Even if you yourself lost at sea, keep rowing your boat

There is always a lighthouse near

It is only through the darkest times when we truly have the chance to develop the hope and the belief in ourselves

So open your heart, take risks

It’s never too late to change who you are for the better

Just look at yourself, do you like what you see?

Just look at yourself, is this how it should be?

Nothing’s going to last forever, it can change

Embrace the change, life is a gift waiting to be unwrapped

Make the most of every day

Tomorrow cross the bridges that you made today

Ignite the spark of your infinite potential

Nothing stands in your way

So let go of all fear, doubt, anger, worry and other negative emotions that weigh you down and prevent you from becoming who you truly are, that prevents you from going toward the greatness that’s inside of you that is awaiting to manifest into your goals

Believe in yourself

Live, Laugh and Dream Big

Go for your goals

And are you waiting for the reason to change?

If today was your last day, tomorrow was too late, would you make your mark by mending a broken heart (?), could you let go of your doubts and worries

If this moment were your last, would be happy with the person you are now?

Live life and appreciate who you are

It’s never too late to shoot for the stars regardless of who you are

Do whatever it takes cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life

New doors are waiting to be opened

Take a chance

Don’t live with the fear of falling

Let all the negative feelings go

How can you know what you’re capable of until you’ve tried, until you are faced with your darkest moments?

How can you know who you truly are if you live with fear and doubt in yourself?

Believe in yourself, take risks and if you fall be grateful for the experience and use the fall to become a better person

So who will you be tomorrow?

Will you be the person who lives each moment, trying new things, appreciating life?

How can you be sure that you will be the person you truly are?

Believe in yourself, take the path that leads you to your happiness, regardless of what other people say

And though the path may be rocky at times and the soles of your feet may feel like they can’t carry you and you’re hanging from a cliff, holding by a thread

Through your darkest moments, remind yourself you are strong, you will overcome any obstacle

So yesterday is in the past, today was just live and tomorrow is just beginning

Believe you will fly and land upon the stars

anita, i agree with your fear of saying the wrong thing, sometimes i worry about coming on too strong or being too vague when i try to talk to people especially the guy i really like. i worry he will judge me and i tend to be worried about my weight, my body. i also worry death, but to me it is not the end of life, but a rebirth to a higher state in reincarnation. however, i do fear not being spiritually fulfilled, not fulfilling my purpose and truly living life more than i fear death, i don’t want to go through life with sadness and sorrow and being criticizing, but i want to experience all that i can and cultivate love and learn as much skills as i can so i can truly live.