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JanusParticipantthanks anita;) andrew and i are working with the art club to design a mural for the school. i want it to be encouraging and uplifting such as encouraging people to go for their dreams here is the quote: “Open your heart, let go of all fears and remember you will fly toward the stars.” i’m wondering what i should use as an image, i was thinking of an angels holding a heart-shaped world flying in a sky of stars. andrew thinks the angel is too religious, but dave says it’s cool. dave is a great guy. he used to do cross country and shot put and he still enjoys them. he loves running along hilly terrain and enjoying nature like i do and he enjoys shot put as well. he is a christian while i’m a buddhist, but we both believe in angels. also i was a bit stressed out today b/c my ap history teacher only gave us 15 minutes to do a timeline and answer five comparative questions which we had to read for the answers and i’m not sure i did well. yet, dave was quite encouraging and entertaining, he made me laugh by telling me about the time he went hiking and how he caught this fish that pulled on his line and almost made him fall into the water. we also talked about first aid and dave was telling me how the size of your wrist doesn’t determine your strength and how some people who are double-jointed at their wrists can rotate their wrists all the way, it was really cool and funny. dave and i both enjoy physics honors the most this year, learning about momentum and how it objects is really cool;) this is really beautiful:
https://www.bing.com/search?q=Cave+of+the+Crystals&form=hpcapt&filters=HpDate%3a%2220160405_0700%22
JanusParticipantthanks a lot, anita;) you are really helpful and encouraging, a true star that helps guide people;) I also borrowed a book on Eastern Forests by Ann Sutton and Reader’s Digest North American Wildlife (1982). in ap environmental science, you get to take filed trips and learn about the environment and also you get to grow plants and raise fish, so i may take that course possibly in college. field biologists often study wildlife so i’m looking at a lot of field biology books. in the last few chapter of Into the Wild, some researchers speculated that chris mccandless may have been a field biologist studying out in nature b/c most people were unsure about his motives for being out in nature until there was a documentary released on the strained relationships of mccandless’s parents. also, andrew said that often times field biologists have an advantage since they know about wildlife. i feel these days that i can just listen in class and pick it up quickly and also sometimes my intuition helps me as well. i tend to have developed a detached perspective of the world, where i let go of all attachments to material things. i feel like there is a film in front of me and i’m only absorbing the joy and laughter of life and sorrow and sadness don’t come in. there are times when i may doubt myself at times, but dave and andrew are great, they are both very knowledgeable dave in first aid and andrew in wilderness. i had a doubt about how in buddhism you aren’t allowed to kill things and i asked andrew about it since his mom is a buddhist and he said that buddhists are technically not allowed to hunt and fish, but since he and his father both hunt, she doesn’t mind. i think there are exceptions such as if you have to kill to survive. dave was talking about the universal soul and how everyone is connected in the universe and how that animal or fish that was killed would become part of my soul so it would still be living. dave, like me believes in angels and an afterlife. andrew and i were debating about the power of influential thinking such as if you tell a child at a young age that he has say been ice-skating before and he/she truly believes it (even though they never have), could it be possible that when they go for their first time that they would do well? I feel like the mind and body are connected and the mind affects the body’s movements so in the case of ice-skating, there could be a chance that the child would do well. but andrew and i debated another scenario that involved this case this time using the example of firing a gun. andrew was adamant in saying that even if the child truly believes he had the experience of shooting, when he goes for his first time, that doesn’t mean he will hit the target, but he may come quite close to it. the thing is if you really believe and think you have experienced it before, it seems to become a part of you and causes you to have more confidence and do better. then there is the question of whether people are born with natural talent or they develop it like rene descartes says through their experiences. i feel like people are born with instinct and sensitivity to the world around them (intuition), but they learn physical knowledge through experience. i feel like the people who truly believe they can and give it their all often have success, but there is also the idea of circumstances and your surroundings. What if you were born in a bad setting and your circumstances are hard with obstacles, then no matter what even as a natural genius you still have to work hard. dave rejects the idea of reincarnation b/c he says it doesn’t explain the fairness of the poor people in our society. he believes that everyone should have a good attempt to have a better life from their past lives, he thinks “If your prior life was bad, why wouldn’t you try to change it? What about people who are born into their surroundings who don’t seem to have control over their surroundings, how is it fair to them that they have to reincarnate from this life? Reincarnation doesn’t seem to give us much choice.” Yet, i think each one of us has the choice to take a chance and change our lives, but it can be hard especially if you have hard circumstances to work with. I think what dave is saying is that some people who were born into that life don’t have all the chances to make their lives better b/c they don’t have the resources and it’s not fair. Yet, reincarnation gives you a chance to reattempt the dreams that you couldn’t in this life. but andrew says that not all dreams come to fruition and sometimes it’s better to just leave them behind. andrew seems to scoff at reincarnation altogether b/c he doesn’t think that people have second chances to redo their life again, he thinks it is a bit selfish and that people should live with the choices they made in life and that sometimes even in reincarnation people still don’t change b/c they were shaped that way. yet, dave argues that there is an universal soul and it is shaped by our actions in life, so maybe it is possible that people are all interconnected and if they are go through the same experiences through their interconnectedness, would it be better if people could experience reincarnation so they could all make the world work. i think i feel a calling out in nature to me and many people seek refuge in nature to find themselves. andrew has become like a happy buddha these days, he always laughs and seems to enjoy knowledge and even though we still compete, we have a lot more fun than being fierce competition. we were laughing about gophers and prairie dogs and having them in our backyard. i think andrew and i both have a passion for science and pre-calc and we enjoy nature. my special friend seems to feel left out again. today, i was so busy debating and wondering that i felt bad for only offering a casual hello to him. i am getting less interested in ap english b/c i feel there is more than reading text and taking notes and just writing a few essays on rhetorical devices. i like pre-calc and physics b/c i learn about work, energy, cars and also the unit circle is fun esp. when calculating coordinates and applying the angles to a car on the road. i have been also been using the angles to measure how to make holes in lined paper so i can hole-punch them later and when i did it today, after letting andrew check them, i only missed by .5 inches;) i also have been learning different codes for forensics and having fun with them. i also find it easier to divide paper into even sections since my brain is mentally able to figure out where the lines of the paper cross.
here is another wilderness question: are hunting licenses state-transferrable? what happens if you come back from camping in the wilderness and your hunting license is already expired (nj licenses are valid until december) such as if you spend 3 years camping and hunting?
JanusParticipantthanks a lot anita;) I got the idea about rubber from Hawkes Special Forces Survival Handbook by Mykel Hawkes. Thanks for telling me that rubber and magnesium aren’t good ideas;) i think purifying water with iodine tablets, sun or water filters are great. i have found a book called Camping in Canadian Rockies, deadfalls and snares which I think is cool. i looked up Country Wisdom and Know How and the library doesn’t have it, but they do have Country living : simple country wisdom by Waggoner, Susan. Here are some wilderness questions: What are the best techniques to use including a map and compass when out in nature so you don’t get lost? What is the best communication device to have on you if you need to call for help? What are some good techniques to use to signal for distress or okay? What is the simplest shelter to build?
I’m also considering
Adventures in edible plant foraging : finding, identifying, harvesting, and preparing native and invasive, wild plants
by Monger, Karen.
Daily Strength for Daily Needs
Mary Wilder Tilestonhttp://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/search/?query=wilderness&start_index=26
http://www.gutenberg.org/files/34110/34110-h/34110-h.htm
http://e-booksdirectory.com/listing.php?category=188i’m glad there are so many resources online and thanks for your help anita;) i feel like at times i feel small and i’m not sure where to go, but i know that when i’m uncertain, i should accept the uncertainty and use it to help me work my way to certainty. like the stars that seem small in the vast dark night sky, but are really big and shine bright; things that seem small can lead to big things. each star in the night sky has their own path and people should not let the dark vast sky just swallow them, they should get out there and experience life, to get out there and live and shine brightly no matter how small they seem. like the stars who seem dim in the night sky at times, life can have its obstacles and sometimes the vastness of the world seems to pull you in all directions, but you should still hold on to the light of hope. a small glimpse of the stars is better than none at all. whatever road i take, i’m going to look to the stars and be a light also for others in darkness. i think this will inspire another poem about stars and the night sky, how there are millions of them each for the spiritual beings we are all interwoven and dsipersed throughout the night sky, making the dark sky bright.
JanusParticipantthanks a lot anita;) i think i’m going to take some environmental classes and read more wilderness books. For Stalking the Wild Asparagus and Survival with Style, I am going to look for those books at cheap prices or maybe try to get them free online, but for now I’m reading mostly wilderness books from the new jersey library. i think i will print out what you wrote and thanks a lot for your help:) i have two books currently one of fishing and the other on hunting guns. i am also reading up on first aid. i looked up that in new jersey, a hunting and fishing class must be taken before acquiring a license. thanks a lot anita;) i can’t wait for school to start so i can talk to my teachers about some parts of the spring break work that i have questions about. current;y there seems to be a lot of steps to take, but i was thinking of starting with getting to know my home state of new jersey first, learning to drive and explore that way. after finishing college (taking courses in wildlife, environmental science, botany, etc.), i think i will get a job as a police officer and make money to help me with traveling and camping in the wild. i have learned how to make a tourniquet, splint an ankle and since i love lots of things in the medical field, i am picking up first aid quite decently. i think the one thing i need to work on is building shelters, but i could always bring a tent since i know how or use a tree shelter since i know how to use sticks to make a tree bed and i also don’t have experience fishing or hunting so i’m going to learn. i think i will try to pack as much as i can, food water, shelter materials, and fire materials such as magnesium bar, rubber (still burns if wet), matches and magnifying glass. most people think if you are well prepared that isn’t called surviving, but i think i want to learn what it’s like to live in nature, to appreciate the beauty of it and to experience the abundance of life around me and not just merely survive. but also stay relatively light henry david thoreau’s book Walden, Walk in the Woods is cool and i think it would be fun to live that way for a while. i would still be part of civilization, but be mostly surrounded by nature and learn what it had to teach. i love to garden and plant and i think i might have a small farm like thoreau did and work on it. i wish my parents would stop thinking i am inadequate to do these things because i have been camping and hiking when i was little and i love to be out in nature and help people. i think there is a beauty in nature that is calling to me to be more spiritually fulfilled. whatever path i take, i’m going to try to make the most of it and enjoy life. people go through life never seeking opportunities remaining in their conventional ways and they miss out on what’s really important, they miss out on the adventure of life. even though life is an adventure of opportunities it is also important to be level-headed and plan things well which is why i think when i go camping, i will spend lots of time researching and take some friends along to be safe. i don’t think this is the life my parents want for me to be out in nature and to follow being buddhist, but i think it’s what makes me truly me. i had a dream last night about the buddha leading me through the woods and he hid for a while when we came to a rocky path and i had to walk alone, i stumbled a lot, but i didn’t give up. when i had completed the path and the buddha reappeared, i was angry at him for abandoning me, but the buddha said “sometimes you have to take your own path in life and sometimes you have to walk alone.” then he took my hand and lead me the rest of the way. i think the dream says that i have to take the path that i’m meant to take even if i’m uncertain where it leads or if i have to take little steps toward it. there will always be obstacles and people who are criticizing, but i know my place now is to be in nature, to learn how to be positive spiritually and help others. my interests in science and the medical field have lead me to consider being a spiritual counselor. my friends andrew, dave and my special friend all love nature and science. dave used to run cross country and hike, while andrew has been camping and my special friend like me sees the beauty in nature. if my special friend ends up being my soul mate, i think it would be great to go camping together and if we end up going separate ways, i’ll still keep spreading spiritual love.
JanusParticipantit’s okay, thanks for helping anita;) i am researching on plants and maps. i used to go camping when i was little, so i know about shelter and i love medical things so i know first aid, but it wouldn’t hurt to practice them more. i think it would be fun to go to vancouver island, canada; vermont or california wilderness. i like the forest for it’s beauty and its peace and there is a lot of wildlife. unlike mccandless, i’m not much interested in alaska since it seems mostly ice and want to be somewhere where it can be cold and have ice, but there will also be beautiful sunsets and rivers and trees instead of just whiteness. i think i might climb some small canyons in utah. i think i would also like to visit walden pond (massachusetts) where thoreau lived. i think walden pond is a good starting point. i am so tired of listening to my parents criticize me about school. they keep telling me that most people have applied to college by now and i won’t have time to make it in and they keep pressuring me to take the sats when i’m not ready yet. the constant pressure makes me more annoyed and oftentimes makes me do worse in school than it makes me do better. i enjoy school and learning and enjoy getting good grades and my gpa is around 95.5, but i also have to have time for fun as well. i enjoy running in track and also throwing shot put. i am thinking of taking the sats again in june and preparing for the two ap tests (english and history) in may 11 and 12. i have finished reading the survival book by Mykel Hawkes and i think i might practice some of the techniques. this weekend i am going to focus on preparing for the pre-calc quiz tues, physics honors quiz, ap english test and ap world history test on wednesday. also the first meeting of self-defense starts on monday, i can’t wait it’s going to be so much fun;) ever since i’ve been meditating, my mind is able to remember things quite quickly and i can focus and tune out distractions. when the atmosphere gets stressful, i can wrap myself in a positive bubble of light and tune out negative energies. last night, i had a dream about the buddha. i had a dream that i was out in the woods and i had been injured and near-death. i saw my body become an orb of light and i rose on a cloud. i was floating on the cloud and i was wondering where i was and despairing that i was lost. then after a few minutes of floating, i came upon a cloud and there was buddha sitting upon it. i told buddha that i was thinking of giving all of myself up for spiritual fulfillment and then helping others find it as well. i asked him how i might become more spiritually enlightened. the buddha told me to make peace within myself, to not be so criticizing of myself and to be patient, that the parts of me were healing. we floated for a while and i observed the wilderness underneath me and i realized that my purpose was to be out in nature to learn its beauty and teach others how to be more spiritually fulfilled. the buddha wrapped up in his arms and told me that it didn’t matter what happened, i would always have divine love. i felt a warmth and a white light surrounding me and i felt myself, all my doubts and insecurities melt away. i felt myself merge with the sky, to become part of it and i wasn’t afraid that i was losing my physical body, i was at peace as the angel wings carried me to the stars to the heavens. whatever road i take, i will always be lead home.
it’s thunderstorm right now and i love thunderstorms, the static energy in the air is really cool. i was having fun calculating the speed of the storm by counting the lightning and dividing the seconds by five to see how far the storm was.
JanusParticipanthere is another wilderness question: what is the best way to track your progress in the wilderness and tell time (such as using maps, sun and moon, stars, compass and nature marks)?
JanusParticipanti just had an angel card reading and angel uriel came up with the card saying “enter into the void.” i think this is very insightful b/c i have many career interests and i feel like there is a void that i’m not sure which path to take. i love nature and helping people, so i think my top choice is being a spiritual environmental journalist. i m will go out to live in nature and write about what i learned and also learn reiki and help spread positive light to people and my writings could be a counseling and inspiration for people who need some encouragement in life. i feel like since i have felt what it’s like to hit rock bottom and have been able to get out of it, thanks to my special friend, my purpose is to help others do the same. i would love to spread spiritual love to whoever is suffering. i enjoy hiking and camping. i think this card is telling me that it is okay to be uncertain, to accept uncertainty and delve into it to find what is truly right. i have many career choices such as genetic therapist, microbiologist (they do lots of cool things studying about pathogens and how disease spreads, could tie into cancer research), criminal justice lawyer/police (forensics is great;) or environmental spiritual journalist.
JanusParticipantthanks a lot anita;) here are some questions: What are the best knots and techniques to use when making a fishing net? Where are the best places to position your nets for fish and game? What are the different types of snares and traps or snaps that are relatively simple to make for catching animals? What are good supplies and tools to bring into the wild? What is a simple way to build a fire without matches or a lighter? Where can you get a hunting license? Are there any wilderness, fishing and hunting books or classes to go to to learn?
i wish my parents would stop being so criticizing about school. they always tell me that i should focus solely on my studies and nothing else, but i think i have to live and have fun a little. i can’t just spend all the time studying school material. most of the school material is just memorization and not much of application to life. i like my pre-calc and physics honors teacher b/c they give real-life examples and we also do experiments to have hands-on idea of how to apply it to real-life. it makes learning more interesting and also fun since just memorizing facts doesn’t really teach much. i admire the people who are more than just “book-smart” b/c they know how to think on their feet, while also being relaxed and laid-back. my pre-calc teacher is very laid-back with her lesson planning, but she is able to think quite well and explain the material to her students in an enjoyable way and she truly loves her teaching and puts her enjoyment into helping her students understand it as well. she might miss some details, but that’s okay b/c the way she teaches allows the students to think for themselves. for the teachers who make students memorize things, they don’t learn to think and when a problem changes its form they don’t know how to solve it. being around andrew, dave and steve i admire the way they think outside the box a little and are also laid-back. they seem to trust the process of life and enjoy the simpleness of it while also doing well in school. my special friend came by today and we had fun playing angle frisbee. we would use our science skills to throw the frisbee at different angles with various momentum at a cloth tied to a tree (held by a rope) with a hole in it. the goal was to get the frisbee through the slot in the cloth and where the other person could catch it or into a bin. anyway, he saw that i was a little annoyed and he asked if i was okay. i told him that sometimes my parents could be so criticizing and at times it is like they don’t let me have any fun exploring other things besides school. i told him about being a buddhist wiccan (he doesn’t mind) and how sometimes my parents think i have my head in the clouds when i do prayer and meditation, but it helps me focus. my special friend was a great listener and he also believes in angels, he often uses them as meditation. he was very understanding and he hugged me and told me it was okay. just having his arms around me being outside with the sun to our left and the wind blowing our hair relaxed me. also while we were enjoying the sun and the weather, we both saw pair of blue wings that surrounded both of us. the angel said his name was michael and he was the divine protector against negativity and he would help us find divine purpose in our life. the blue light then wrapped us and we were immersed in it and when it was gone we both felt quite peaceful. my special friend and i then decided to go out for a run and having the wind blow our hair back and the sheer effort of running like nothing can hold you back, being free was the best feeling ever. when we stopped under a tree, we were both a little out of breath, but we were laughing and could feel each others’ heartbeats. it was the best moment of divine love and spiritual connection that i’ve ever felt
JanusParticipanti’m glad i’m still on spring break, but i also miss school b/c there are some questions i need to ask andrew in person about fishing and hunting in the wild. the pictures and tools in the book are easy-to-follow, but there are five i’m unsure about. in the meantime, i am working on understanding the tools myself and with my special friend. my special friend and i were trying to build a bow and arrow and it took 2 hours to start and we got frustrated and annoyed so we took a break for a run through the woods for a while. when the bow and arrows were ready, we spent another 20 minutes shooting at bottle targets, which was hard and we really need to work on our aim. we tried to attempt building a fire wall and also making a fishing dam and net, but we were half-way through before our heads hurt and we decided to take a break. we had fun building a lean-to under a tree and we camped near the woods in our neighborhood for a while. we also had lots of fun rope climbing a tree and making a makeshift javelin which we threw for fun. b/c of andrew’s techniques on lacrosse, i have become quite good at it and have won some games agn. my special friend. i also wish i could ask my physics honors teacher about momentum.
JanusParticipanti have a book on wilderness survival and it talks about food, shelter, water and basic necessities to survive in the wilderness. b/c of andrew, i now know polybius code, morse code, radio code, teeline shorthand, cipher script, caesar code, runic code, pig pen code. i am also better at solving forensic mysteries;) andrew has been sending me links to sites via email that teach about computers, codes, forensics and other science things. also he was able to get some books on survival donated to the library so i can read up on nature and camping. i went out for a run with my special friend yesterday and we took a trail through the woods near my neighborhood. meditation helps a lot b/c my mind can think quickly and also process things quite well. dave said he is busy studying and going on college visits, so i haven’t heard from him. andrew has mostly contacted me through email. my special friend and i also played lacrosse together 2 days ago and we helped each other with making a tree hammock out in nature. i’m learning lots and also having fun. this has been quite a busy week for me with andrew coming up with new ideas and me and my special friend playing around with them.
JanusParticipantthanks, anita;) i am reading about wildlife survival and possibly going camping. also i love physics honors and pre-calc i have fun studying the unit circle (pre-calc) and also momentum for physics honors. i am also meditating. i find that focus meditation is easiest such as i focus on my breath and use it to help me dispel the thoughts in my mind and i also i can use my breath as fire surrounding me for warmth, protection and water to cool down and purify
JanusParticipanti love nature and i love the beauty and serenity it brings me
JanusParticipantthanks ellie;) hope you and your future wife are well;) the greatest thing about love no matter what, even if the person is shy that other person still is patient and gives them a chance. I can still be shy at times, but sometimes words are meaningless to describe love. sometimes it is better to show and make them laugh rather than to tell them. glad you enjoyed it anita;)
Words Left Unspoken
All the words saved in my heart
As the roses fade
But the candle still burns
If only you could see into my heart
Then you would know the words that are left unspoken
Everything I do and everything I am
Is the one that I tried being for you
Even if I’d let you down sometimes
There’s always a place in my heart
Where the words saved are left unspoken
You’re the reason I could pull out of depression
If only you could see beyond my shyness
That I had always been told I was not good enough
I wanted to be all that I could be
But I still could not say the words in my heart
The words that I care more than anything about you
As time goes on
I wonder if you will ever know
The words I left unspoken
If only I could tell you
How much you mean to me
I’m sorry for all the times I’ve been wrong
But I will always care for you.JanusParticipantthanks anita;) i feel like spiritual love and being spiritually alive are connected. When we love, we feel good about ourselves and the world seems brighter and we look at the world through new eyes that see beauty. Love is one of the most powerful vibrations that can help heal the soul and make us feel more alive and connected to our divine selves. Through love, we develop a joy and compassion for living and see life as beautiful. I have written a poem about you, anita and how you like nature are a great person, comforting and encouraging;) I love winter the most of the seasons since the snow is beautiful and I love to go ice-skating. In this poem, winter is a metaphor for the hardships of life while spring represents growth and rebirth. Poetry seems to come quite naturally to me these days;) i hope you don’t mind, but i also added some spiritual messages in the poem.
here is the poem:
Anita- You are the Beauty of All the Seasons
When the world is cold and blanketed in white
I still see the wonder of a winter wonderland, there is so much joy in life even in the coldest of seasons
When the winds blow harshly and there is no sun to warm the heart
There is still the beauty of nature
When the sky is a white haze like my mind when I feel lost
I know hidden beneath is the calm blue sky of mental clarity
As I look up at the white sky watching the snowflakes fall
I think about the beauty of life and the love I feel for my friends
Anita- you are a snowflake
So many intricate patterns that fall from the white sky
Even in the darkest, coldest moments, there is still beauty in this life
Everyone is a snowflake beautiful and unique
Falling down from heaven to experience life here on Earth
We are all beautiful spiritual beings with a purpose
Anita- you are the snowflake in the winter, when life feels harsh and the wind pushes me in all directions
You are the rainbow in the sky after the rain
When the wind blows a snowflake, it seems to dance and swirl appreciating whatever course it will take in life
You always give great advice to help me on my course
When life gets tough and it feels like winter is setting in
And my mind is in a haze like the white sky
It gives me peace to watch the snowflakes fall
Come spring, Anita you are the flower that grows and develops from the soil providing beauty for everyone
As the flower grows from the hard work of those who plant it
You are a hard worker and very encouraging to me
You help me grow and develop into my own flower stretching my petals to the sun
You help me be more confident and accepting of myself
And when I feel myself on shaky ground, swaying in the wind
Your wisdom helps me to be strong, stay rooted and focused in the growing into the lotus I want to become
Like the lotus which grows out of the mud, I will take the negative mud I face and use it to grow
In the summer, you are like the sands on the beach
No matter how rough the water gets, the sand stays the same
When the waves on the beach crash on the sand
When the tides get high
The sand remains intact
When shells are washed ashore by the waves
The sandy beach makes a home for them
The sand remains a mountain of strength through tough times and so do you, Anita
You are always caring and helpful to others
You are like the sand on the beach that provides comfort to those thrown off course by the tides of life
The colors of fall are upon us
I can hear the crunch of the leaves and smell the crisp scent of the autumn breeze
You are all the seasons, Anita
In the fall, the colors of the leaves: gold, red, orange are breathtaking
The colors of fire, they seem to celebrate the adventure of life
The leaves left on the trees dance in the breeze
Anita, you are the color of the autumn leaves
You help me see the beauty of life
In the fall, when the trees are losing their leaves, losing their strength
And in the winter when the trees are barren and sit still and the world is dark
It is like ourselves as we go through life, we must lose the old parts of ourselves to be reborn and become a better person
As spring comes and new leaves grow and the sun shines bright again in the summer; life is a cycle
With the death of the old comes a new beautiful spiritual growth and the chance to be more spiritually alive and beautiful than our old selves
How can we change ourselves for the better if we keep paying attention to our faults?
How can we change ourselves if we don’t lose our old selves?
Don’t be afraid be afraid of death.
What is life if lived in fear?
The only thing that we have to fear is a life that is unlived
Ask yourself “What is it that I fear? Why is it that I fear this?”
Listen to your heart and let the fear go
Fear only holds you back from realizing the balance and beauty of life
Even through the darkest moments, nature still is able to have beauty and wonder
We are spiritual beings capable of living life to the fullest, living life with divine love and peace
Life is a cycle like the seasons: winter, spring, summer, fall
At times it may be cold and dark and you may lose parts of yourself however there is promise of light, beauty and growth
Such is the balance of life and nature
With every end comes a new beginning
Anita, you are the beauty of the seasons and nature
May your life be balanced with light and divine love
JanusParticipanti had a dream last night about my special friend. we were running through the woods, alone together and i was in the canopy of the tree enjoying the cool air while he was enjoying the sun. he seemed to notice that i enjoyed the cool, dark, silent places more than the bright places which seemed to make me tense. yet, when i ran i felt free like i was leaving all that i was behind and that nothing was impossible. we stopped for a while under the base of a redwood tree and he asked me why i was so tense about being in the light, why i seemed to have many walls built up. he told me that he really wanted to get to know me, the person i truly was, not what the world saw me as. he wanted me to also always be in the sun and to live life like he did without holding back. i told him i was afraid that the world would judge me and that i had lots of flaws and i didn’t feel good enough for him. he told me that he thought, i could be myself when i was out in nature and i said that i felt freer in nature, but there was a part of me that i was still trying to find. he said the sweetest thing ever, he said “let me be the part that makes you whole. i’ll stay with you until you find your true self.” we ran until we came to a river and we had lots of fun watching the fish swim the river. we sat down again and he asked me again why i had so many walls around myself. i told him that i was hiding the flaws i had from the world and that all the sadness i had endured had made me build walls to protect myself. my special friend told me that although walls protect us, they keep us in fear and also prevent us from being our true selves in the world. he told me that he didn’t care about the flaws i had, he didn’t care about what the negative criticism the world said about me, he wanted to know me for who i truly was without the walls that hide me. he told me that he would that i was perfect the way i was, that i was good enough and that i didn’t need to hide my flaws because they made me more special since they were the flaws could be experiences in my life to make me a better person. he said “if you keep yourself confined in those walls, you will never find true peace within yourself. you are hiding yourself out of the fear of the world judging you. that is no way to live.” then he hugged me and said the sweetest thing ever “i know that you have walls built up and so does everyone else. i’m here to help you break those walls that hide you and help you experience divine love. i don’t care about your flaws because everyone has them. if you keep living behind those walls, you let your flaws and fears define who you are.” in the dream, i watched him break down my walls like they were sand and saw the river wash away the layers that i had piled on to myself. i was afraid that he would judge me harshly as well, but he kept breaking down the walls until it was just me, myself and i left. then he pushed me into the sun and i was shaking, afraid that my flaws were being exposed to the world. but, he wouldn’t let me go back, he told me to be strong and i realized that i had to build courage so i turned my face to the sun and let its rays soak into me. after fifteen minutes, i felt much better and i realized that i didn’t feel as burdened as i was before. then i looked back at my special friend watching me and i felt shaky again, i thought “what does he think of me? i have so many flaws, i’m not good enough for him.” as if he had read my thoughts, he scooped me up into his arms and said “your flaws are what makes you beautiful. what would the meaning of life be if everyone was perfect? you are a divine being capable of divine love, don’t let the walls hold you back. spread your wings and break through those walls, let your soul feel the light of the sun and what it truly feels to be alive.” i felt so safe just having his arms around me then and even though, i was still shaky, i felt my heart feel lighter and open to divine love. we continued on our path and traveled across a bridge. on the other side of the bridge we met the buddha. the buddha told us that we were spiritual partners and that we had a purpose to help each other heal and experience divine love and spread it to others. we continued on our way until we came to a dark cave, the cave had slippery tunnels and long winding corridors and i felt helplessly lost. through the darkest part of the cave, i slid on a rock and i fell and i didn’t know if i could go on. i thought my special friend would think i was weak, but he just picked me up and continued on his way. he would say encouraging things and we made it through the cave. we came to a mountain where there were criticizing people, but we hiked up the mountain together. when i slid and fell while climbing a canyon, he was able to get a rope to pull me back up. after all these obstacles we came across a clearing in which we sat under a tree and we laughed with each other about the obstacles we faced together. when i told him that that i didn’t feel like i had contributed much to the journey, he laughed and said “you’ve taught me what divine love feels like. you taught me about the meaning of life and that it’s okay to have flaws, it’s okay to fall at times. the important thing is that you pick yourself up and keep going. you made me a better, more compassionate person and that’s what matters.” after sitting a few moments in the clearing feeling the wind on our faces, we saw a light and a pair of wings and we saw archangel metatron (angel of life, guarder of divine wisdom and tree of life also the bodhi tree which buddha meditated under) surround us with purple light and we both felt the most beautiful divine healing within us, within our hearts and we felt so much divine love that no words can truly describe. angel metatron wrapped us both in his wings and all our doubts and worries washed away. we sat under the tree knowing that we both had found our spiritual purpose and that we both were surrounded by divine love. i felt a divine peace and love in my heart for my spiritual soul mate as we held each other and remembered the obstacles we had faced in life. i realized that death isn’t the end, that after death comes new beginnings and a learning to connect to divine love and healing. it was the most beautiful, serene feeling ever in the dream as all my fears and worries and anger vanished and all i felt was love and connection. the smile that my special friend and i gave each other was one of the most peaceful and relaxed ones i know. people go through life never feeling the true blessing of their divine being and never truly live, i realize i want to help spread divine love to help people live their life to the fullest.
The past should make us better, not bitter. we should take the good of the past and use it to better ourselves in the present and prepare for the future. i have been getting templates of the negatives parts of my past and i have been coloring them in dark colors, putting my pain on the paper and letting it go. i then take the paper and burn it and then bury the ashes while saying “this is no longer a part of who i am. i am reborn as i let it go. it doesn’t affect me anymore.” i take the good parts of my past and color them in bright colors and imagine them being part of my life, becoming who i am in the present. i imagine drawing the images into my body merging with them until i am them and say “i am healed, i am perfect, i am healthy, i am whole.” then i tack the good images on my vision board where i can look at them every night before i go to sleep and say “this is me. i’m becoming the person i want to be.” in the morning, i greet the sun as the start of a new day and say “buddha and angels, help me live this day in divine love and healing. help me on the path toward my goals. may this day bring me all i need to get closer to my goals and achieve them. let me be who i truly am.”
the dream inspired me to write a poem about my special friend. i am grateful for all the things he has done for me. while i was in the middle of the poem, writing it, i started to cry and even writing this post makes me feel emotional. there is no one like my special friend and no words can describe the divine love i have for him. he’s the reason i know what it really feels to be truly alive and to truly experience spiritual love. he’s the one that helped me break down the walls, i built around myself and he still continues to break the walls, making me more confident and reveal myself more. he always tells me “i want to know you you truly are. i’ll continue to break these walls until your soul is free and your heart truly open. i want you to know that i don’t care about what the world says, i don’t care about your flaws because i love you.” he is the sweetest guy ever and this poem is about the lessons he taught me and the person he made me become and also the lessons the that i developed because of him to share with the world. i usually write my poems by hand before typing them so i can truly get a feel or the words and while i am writing, it is like i’m putting myself out there on paper. i have been able to write poems almost daily now. i think my next poem might be called “Break the Illusion- See the Stars”. it will be about living life to the fullest, breaking free of what holds you back ad what you’re not and going for the stars, going toward heaven. i think i might be an environmental spiritual poet;)
here the poem:
Divine Love- Spiritual Soul mate
Focusing on climbing every mountain to the summit
Running to the place I love, to the place I feel alive
The world glows with light
Letting go of all I’ve held on to
Surrendering to divine to divine love and healing
i’m surrounded by Heaven’s embrace
Letting myself be free, breaking down the walls that confine my spirit
You’re my spiritual soul mate
Helping me to open myself to divine love and healing
It’s like I’ve bee awakened
Every day is a new experience
Learning to release the past and bring myself to divine light
I’m surrounded by your embrace
I’m surrounded by divine love
Before you i had so many walls built up
Now I watch them slowly tumble down
I’m no longer in the chains of sorrow
I am flying up to the sky
my soul is immersed in divine light and healing
You’ve restored my faith in myself
Before you i was always afraid to open myself up to love
Being with you makes me feel spiritually alive
Even if the world seems harsh and I have doubts, you are always there to lend a hand
Even if I feel like I can’t rise and life seems unclear in its purpose
you are always there to hold my hand and help me through
In my darkest moments, you remain a light to help me find my way
When my strength gets weak and I feel like falling into the abyss, you are the rock I lean on
You are the rope that wraps me in divine love and keeps me safe
Because of you, I am learning how to be confident in life
You’re the reason I truly know what love feels like
You’re the reason I see the beauty of life
Because of you, i can spread more divine light to the world
You were right when you said you would help me be my true self in this world
You told me not to hide the great person I was
From the moment you came into my life, you showed me what’s right
You believed in me and helped build me up, picking up the pieces and putting them back together
You told me that a person sometimes has to break to find who they truly are
When people were criticizing me, you told them that you didn’t care what they said; they didn’t know who I truly was
You told me that you wanted to know the true me
That I didn’t need to build walls to hide myself
You didn’t care about the person I was on the outside, the person I was to the world
I watched my walls come slowly down
At first I was afraid to let you in, so I built more walls
You never gave up, keeping breaking down the walls
You said “I want to know the divine being you truly are. I want you to be free.”
You broke down all of my walls until I was left open, and you saw the flaws I had
I was afraid you would judge me harshly
I tried to hide and avoid the fact that I had nothing left but myself
But you hugged me and pulled me into the light, saying “Even with your flaws, you are and always will be good enough for me. Your flaws make you stronger and make me love you more since they are what makes you who you truly are in life. You are a divine being.”
You told me that people who build walls around themselves couldn’t have happiness come in
That people who build walls confine themselves in a prison of fear, never accepting their true selves
You told me that it didn’t matter what negative things the world told me
I was a divine being and would always have divine love
Because of you, I am now helping others break down their walls and experience divine love
Even though we build walls to protect ourselves from negative things, these walls hold us back from truly experiencing life
What would be the meaning of the joys of life if we didn’t feel pain and struggle?
It is through divine love, to surrender ourselves to the beauty, the true meaning of what it feels like to be alive that helps us find ourselves
Turn your negative experiences into hopes or let them go
Use them to become stronger, to be more connected to divine love
Don’t seclude yourself in walls of fear for security.
What is life if you live in fear?
What is life if you let negative things define who you are?
It is time to develop our wings and fly
It is time to break those illusions of those walls that keep our souls in chains
It is time to set your heart free and experience divine love
only you can make the choice.
What holds you back is only your own doubts and insecurities
Break the illusions
You are not your fears, doubts and worries
You are not what the criticism of what others say or what the world shapes you to be
You are a spiritual being capable of divine love and healing
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