thanks a lot anita;) i like that poem, it is simplistic and also has a lot of meaning. i think my special friend sees that i’m applying to college and he feels he will miss me so he wants to spend more time with me. today, while i was returning a few books at the library, i dropped a book and he helped me pick it up. he is excited for college as much as i am, but he thinks he will miss me. towards the end of the year, i have been running around, studying for finals, summer work and also college applications. i think he knows that i have started to appreciate myself more and he is happy for me, he told me “i know that i will miss you, but seeing how confident you’ve become is the best thing that has happened.” i realize there are many words left unspoken between us, but sometimes no words are enough to describe the depth of spiritual love and how much we’ve helped each other. he also said “regardless of whatever negative criticism you think about yourself, i don’t care about them because there not part of the special person you are.” i was going to revise my college draft today, but i found that i rather just meditate and enjoy the feeling of love that went through me and wishing i could have done more than just a hug and a smile.

this scene in nature is breathtaking:

https://www.bing.com/search?q=Lotofaga&form=hpcapt&filters=HpDate%3a%2220160531_0700%22

my physics honors group is doing a presentation on the life cycle of stars and it is quite interesting. it is a lot of fun to work as a group and share jokes. dave is quite fun to be around, he was smiling like chesire cat today b/c over the weekend he had lots of fun being out in nature. the video for ap english was a bit complicated, but i think i did decently, i think i made dave a bit irritated today by talking about the illuminated poetry video and i feel kind of guilty. anyway, i decided to write a short poem instead of a quote for my angel mural. andrew is still thinking it is too religious, but dave is quite happy with the idea. anway, after school today my special friend wanted to hang out, but i was busy so i felt bad as i rushed by with a slight smile. i would have enjoyed spending time with him, but i had a physics honors project to work on.

I am starting the template for my angel mural today, my ap world history teacher also thinks it’s quite cool;) i just can’t find the post that contains the quote and also the plans i wrote on this site. i am currently looking for it. i drew a picture an eagle carrying a football for a my ap world history teacher and wrote “when life throws you a football… play the game and fly high;) the confetti fish i made for my ap english teacher was quite fun (i used pink, magenta and sun orange tissue paper) and wrote “When life gives you jagged edges (i put the background as orange construction paper and made jagged edges by ripping different designs), just keep swimming toward your goals.”

i can run 10 miles in 50 minutes and anita you are a great person, you give great advice and are very compassionate. andrew has been helping me all this week on my illuminated poetry video and we are both excited for the summer. on monday, we talked about our weekend and it was a cool coincidence b/c dave worked out and ran a mile, i had a track meet of 3 miles and andrew had a mud run so all three of us had a fun weekend running cross country;) dave might not be in any of my classes next year, but i think i may still see andrew in the clubs such as garden club after school. sometimes i feel sad b/c when andrew and i are talking dave feels left out, whenever andrew and i talk about electronics, sometimes it’s hard for dave to join in and when i talk about politics, andrew feels left out. i find that dave is great at biology and also simplifying things such as explaining computers and how they work while andrew is quite good at explaining in detail anything about science. dave and andrew are both great b/c i can truly be myself when i’m around them. also dave is very perceptive and there are times when i’m stressed, he will help me and make me laugh. i remember one time when i didn’t think i was going to do well in school and i was quite stressed out and dave helped me study. he told me a really entertaining story of how this person who fell asleep on the dictionary woke up with a head full of knowledge. even though, there isn’t real proof of that, it was still entertaining to hear and it made studying and memorizing easier. andrew likes to color-code his notes which i find helps me as well, while dave is great at coming up with mnemonics. i remember when i told dave that i often felt at times self-conscious of myself and didn’t think i was good enough or athletic and he told me a story about this person who was so self-conscious of himself that he shut himself up in a tower and was always afraid to let in the light of day. one day he fell down the stairs and broke his arm, he didn’t know any friends being shut away from society and was unsure of what to do. however, his arm was in pain so he ended up calling and asking for an ambulance. he was quite awkward at the hospital in his manners and he was quite agitated with himself. one day while he was recuperating, he saw a young boy with a terminal illness in the hospital, despite his illness and his crippled legs, the man noticed that the boy was still in high spirits and he was curious. even though, he never got the courage to talk to the boy, the boy’s positivity made the man realize that he wanted to be positive as well, he wanted the warmth and love of society. when the boy died, the man was quite sad and began to pray to a higher power to help him become better, to face his fears and carry the boy’s spirit on. the boy had taught him that life is to be lived and that living in fear is no way to live. so the moral of this story is to release your fears and doubts and enjoy your life like no one is watching. if the world burns down and there are still people living in illusion, instead of being themselves, then no one truly lived at all. there was a time when i was near tears b/c i wasn’t sure if i would ever have a place in the world and i didn’t think i was athletic enough and i went on a hard all-out workout. dave was quite worried and said i was working out too intensely and asked if i was okay. i told him that i wanted to work out as much as i could, to kill that the side of me that had so many limits. dave, then told me that the limits i put on myself were of my own thoughts and no matter how hard i worked out it wouldn’t help if i didn’t learn to appreciate myself. he even gave me a list of all the talents i was and some of them are compassionate, studious and inspirational. i love dave and andrew for the person they help me become, because of them i can be myself and also learn how to deal with those negative doubts i have and let them go. i also enjoy being around my lunch buddy steve. he is quite entertaining and mellow. when there are times when i am tense after some school work, his laid back humor helps me earn back my focus. also andrew was quite entertaining when he helped me with my physics on electricity and he said that i was quite good at science;) my special friend seems quite laid-back these days and not as tense, he’s okay and sometimes we race each other and i usually let him win. he seems happy with being close friends. when my ap english teacher started talking about college, i realized i was going to miss my friends, but dave said he would help me with literary questions if i needed him, i could just message him and andrew would help me with science questions. i know that i met my friends this year for a reason and even if we do drift apart i hope that i will continue to have the things they taught me and also spread the love and acceptance they taught me to others.

on sat. i went out for a run with one of my neighbors and it was quite fun, but it made me tired for the rest of the day and sunday. we ran cross country for 13 miles and it was fun seeing the scenery, the trees and the breeze on my face. thanks for all your posts everyone;) feel free to give your inputs, they all really help;) anita (and anyone else), i think i have doubts about myself b/c of negative criticism from others and there are times when i feel that i am overweight even though i am 5′ 5” and 113 lbs. there are some athletes at my school that they think they are so great and they make fun of others who aren’t as good as them and they have such patriarchal views that it makes me annoyed. they often tell others that they can’t do this or that b/c they are better. i don’t think the distress is just from college applications. andrew is mad at me b/c i’m becoming better at science than he is, my special friend is mad at me b/c he feels like he is losing me in the midst of academics. dave is still quite supportive and great and so is dakota. also my ap english teacher is making us do a five minute poetry video on a poet that we chose and i’m doing robert frost’s poems “Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening” and Acquainted with the Night.” I have to add sounds, images and other visuals to bring the poem and the poet to life. So far i am having trouble thinking of a way to combine these to poems into one presentation. i’m thinking of analyzing the meanings first then finding a central theme that both fit in and use that to combine them, but I will need an indicator to let people know that they are separate poems. I wonder what song track i should use to combine them and also how to create an video. i have a ap world history test on braveheart tomorrow and i am doing a in-class project on a tour of europe (visiting scotland, england, wales and ireland). i also have a pre-calc test on graphs of functions, how to tell if the function is even or odd and the like. i also have a physics honors test on electricity and circuits (lots of memorization) on wed. and thursday (test split up).

Eris, i think my parents think i might not be suited for going into science b/c of my test scores, but my gpa unweighted is 95 and weighted is 97.5. i still have trouble solving logical problems at times, but science isn’t too bad. often you use what you know to solve problems and most of the problems aren’t like the word problems in math where sometimes you have to work backwards or use what you are given, most of the time science is taking what you know and what you’ve learned and applying it in various ways to solve the problem. i think science is more straightforward and combines both logical thought and creative thinking. also science allows you to experiment with things and find new avenues to a problem.

Gary, i appreciate your post, it was very insightful;) I was often bullied when I was 14 b/c i didn’t share the same views as my classmates. i would spend time in nature and meditate and some people thought i was a hermit b/c i was quite reclusive at times. i can relate to your paper on “Man” (i think it quite insightful and expressive) when i wrote an essay for health class on the negative psychological effects people adopt from the world. the essay title was called “Life is Beautiful” and it talked about how the main goal of everyone should be to find what they truly want in life and how sometimes society tries to shape who they are and it also talked about depression and negative criticism. my teacher thought my essay was quite controversial and she sent me to a counselor who didn’t really understand me at all. i think she wanted me to adopt the views of society more, but it just made me more reclusive. nowadays, i am quite outgoing, but there are still some values that i keep that contrast with society.

Cartomancy is quite fun and i am working on clairvoyance, there are times when i get dreams of what may come two days later or just a feeling or image comes into my head when i’m awake. a lot of people find wicca frightening b/c they are misled by the salem witch trials and the news on the media. my ap world history teacher is quite biased against wicca b/c her version of wicca is that of the druids and Celtics performing human sacrifices and inducing trance states with hallucinogens. however, modern wiccans don’t do that and also meditation is more popular. i think people are so bombarded with the old views and the media views of wicca that they don’t see wicca as it really is. most of the history of wicca has been mostly negative and people tend to look to the past and what they see portrayed often. i’m quite open-minded to all religions and i believe that it doesn’t matter what religion you are, it matters your actions. wicca has appealed to me b/c i love working in harmony with nature and i appreciate the fact that the god and goddess created us. it gives me a sense of divinity, a sense of oneness with the universe that in turn helps me realize my worth, instead of a being that is distant, having the being within as part of ourselves is quite a spiritual experience. also the presence of both a god and goddess represents cosmic balance between both genders and i believe in the equality of both men and women. i agree that a person can be psychic and believe in a higher power; i feel that all humans have a natural instinct that is often a “fight or flight response in a tough situation or when we just have a gut feeling when things are right, but that doesn’t make us wiccan. these experiences are quite natural within ourselves. often on the sabbats i often go out and i enjoy the weather or i meditate and do a purification and healing and i say thanks to the goddess and god for the creation of this world and for helping me through life. on regular days, there are times when i will be walking and i will turn my face to sun and enjoy the warmth on my face and imagine the god filling me with light or imagine the moon helping light up my path in life.

I astral project unintentionally at times and i can sense auras, but i can’t see the colors. often times when i try to astral project, my mind is quite eager for the experience and i can’t focus or i end up feeling so relaxed i fall asleep. on the times i’ve been out of my body, i’ve often only experienced it for fifteen minutes before landing with a ‘crash’ back. on one of the sabbat days, i did happen to visit greece and rome though.

i am still working on reiki, but somehow it’s like there is a encasing around me these days and my mind and everything seems to filter in through a glass lens and it all seems surreal and things seem to filter out and also come back in other ways. i wonder if this is just a coping mechanism for the pressure faced from school.

i like the idea of focusing on your inner wisdom. i often use meditation tapes when i’m going into trance states. there is a meditation tape on meeting with my higher self and i ask myself questions about my life’s purpose and how to get there. i like the idea of letting go of your ego and finding the voice within. i am thinking of being a reiki master, do you have any resources? you have done well in your life;)

Beautiful poem;) i like this line “Feeling the pulse of the stars through the veins.” it reminds me of the times i feel truly alive and connected to the universe and it is also a symbol of hope. i am working on using reiki to heal my circulation and this line speaks to me. while reading the poem, i could visualize myself awakening to the source and having the source fill and heal me. this line also reminds me of what i’ve been feeling these days, i seem to feel slightly detached from all strong emotions and all strong thoughts that come often go without affecting me much, it’s like i’m looking through a glass at my life “Emptying body and soul of thoughts and emotions.”

that’s so cool, you are a talented cook anita:) i have a tub of yogurt at my house, but i never would have thought of yogurt, bananas and cinnamon on a pancake, i think i will try it;) dakota is quite an entertaining person, he is really enjoying the electricity lesson in physics honors. there are still some concepts that seem hazy for me such as solving for the components in complex circuits and also finding potential energy in an electrical circuits but dakota and dave have been helping me. shawn and sebastian are also quite fun to be around, they have been helping me with some parts of pre-calc. shawn was teaching me about soccer yesterday and sebastian today was pretending he was an ice-skater in physics honors. i think i worry about my weight and i have been experiencing what seems to be like ‘gender disillusionment’ in which i worry about not being a good enough athlete since i’m a girl. my parents are quite patriarchal and it can be hard when i share the value that men and women are equal and should respect each other. there are times when i wonder if my guy friends think less of me b/c i’m a girl and i begin to think i’m not as a good of athlete. dakota is quite fun to work out with b/c he is very encouraging and is quite helpful making sense of the workouts and planning a good workout. i feel like even with my friends i still hold myself back b/c i’m afraid that they won’t like me such as there are times when i will pretend to understand the class topic just not to look like a fool, but usually i consult with the teacher after class. my physics honors teacher is great at explaining things in a concise matter that makes you think on your own, but also provides you with more insight and a way to solve the problem and others like it. i think i have learned a lot about problem solving for my physics honors teacher. i wish i could be more like my pre-calc teacher who is outspoken, laid-back and truly enjoys teaching.

i don’t really care what college i go to as long as it has biology (esp. molecular and cell biology), chemistry, physics and environmental science and also a good health and wellness program (sports, weight room and possibly a mindfulness program). basically i’, looking for a pro-science and pro-health college. zack made waffles during ap world history today and kordell and i played egyptian ratscrew again. we didn’t have cooking spray, butter or syrup so the waffles ended up a little lopsided, but it was still fun watching them being made. steve (not my lunch buddy) says he will bring his waffle maker tomorrow and his waffles will rival zack’s. dakota in my physics honors class was quite entertaining today, he helped me understand the physics lesson on circuits today. shawn was also quite entertaining in my physics class and he helped me with pre-calc and also sebastian helped me with my ap english personality letter. i have also built quite good stamina in track workouts and i enjoy running with my lunch buddy steve who does sprints. steve has a great sense of humor and explains pre-calc quite well. andrew still seems mad at me b/c i’m learning about electricity in physics honors and he won’t be able to take physics until next year. my special friend also seems mad at me b/c i was busy with college things that i forgot about having a run with him after school. i think i am most interested in alternative health and i want to find ways to help others without too much medication and too much technology. georgian court university has a holistic health program for undergraduates which is quite cool in lakewood, nj.