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JanusParticipantthe humidity makes it feel over 100, but the nights are cool. i wonder if i can make it to post 1000 in my lifetime;) another 458 posts to go;) i feel like tinybuddha has been my spiritual journal and i can write my thoughts and be myself on here. i think another reason i like to be alone is b/c so many people who are angry seem to let their anger control them and it snowballs into something bigger and i’m not like that. when i’m angry, i mostly start working out and releasing the anger and i have found that it is much better and saves energy to lower your voice and just walk away from a situation that makes you angry. when i’m angry or stressed i let my anger dissipate in music and dance and soon i am laughing at myself for being angry. life is meant to be lived and each minute spent in anger loses time in our lives to seek opportunities. i also believe that people learn in different ways such as tactile (hands-on mostly me), visual (seeing it being done, color-coding note: me), audio (hearing it being taught me with meditations) and repetition (doesn’t always work if you don’t understand material, usually practicing something helps me more). thanks a lot anita for helping me realize my talents:D i think i will use those terms when asking my teachers to write me college recommendations: “hardworking, compassionate, intelligent, skillful (this one is great b/c often times some people tell me i have no skills), talent and knowledge” (sometimes i feel like my knowledge is a bit incompetent and i am working on analyzing things better). my inner bully hasn’t been bothering me too much lately, so far it’s just trying to creep up with little attacks such as “you’re too ignorant to focus on science, focus on your weight.” sometimes the inner bully agitates me when it says “what are you doing reading ap biology, you should be working out. there are people who are healthier and prettier than you. you have no chance at being a scientist.” luckily, i’ve been able to catch the inner bully at its game and every time it tries to throw its ball against me, i pretend i’m a wall and the inner bully bounces back to its source.
JanusParticipanti love nature, but i think most of my career is headed in the medical field b/c i have a lot of information in my mind about human and animal systems. i want to be a molecular biologist and study how to help people prevent diseases such as cancer. i feel a bit sorry for patsy b/c i understand her frustration at alex getting the financial advisor when he lives in scotland while she lives with ivan in england. alex however doesn’t seem too perturbed at patsy b/c he wants to settle things in a simplistic way and that is what i like about him. i feel as if patsy reminds me of myself at times with andrew since we compete and the teachers seem to like andrew better. i don’t approve of her manipulation her father and her husband to possibly sell the golden cup, but i believe her reason is b/c she wants to salvage the brewery’s reputation. i think being a molecular biologist allows me to use my analytical skills to help others, while on the side i will be an environmental biologist and write poetry to help me relax. i really enjoy this tinybuddha forum b/c it has helped me realize more about myself. looking back at the first post, i was a lost confused teen unsure of my worth and now i’m starting to build my confidence and i know that whatever career i go into will probably relate to to science and health (includes mental, physical and spiritual). i think i might make my college essay titled “How the Blog changed my Life.”
JanusParticipanti like environmental science b/c it is easier to understand than molecular biology, but the latter is more interesting. i love nature so learning about the ecosystem and how organisms play their part is quite cool, but since i want to research stem cells and neural functions i think molecular biology gives more detail into each organism.
JanusParticipanti enjoy working with the elderly ever since ninth grade community service at the nursing homes. i like helping them with crafts and it makes me appreciate my life more just by helping them with the simple things. i like alex b/c he is a quick thinker and also quite simplistic in his decisions. i find that when i’m taking notes from my ap biology book, i write more info between 3-6 pages of notes, but when i type and organize them, it turns out to be 1-3 pages. it’s b/c when i read, i pay attention to a lot of the details and when i type i do a general overview. anyway as the story progresses, patsy gets less respect from alex and the others b/c she becomes a bit bossy when she wants ivan to add a codicil in his will to include her since she isn’t satisfied with just acquiring the brewery. she starts to be manipulative of those who seem a bit insecure such as surtees benchmark (her husband) and ivan himself trying to persuade him to let her take the financial matters into her hands and leave alex out of it. patsy is a bit jealous of alex b/c he is only a stepson and also just a painter, yet ivan wants alex to help with his financial things. also patsy meddles with oliver grantchester who is ivan’s dominant lawyer to ask him if he can change the codicil so she can help with the financial things, but it doesn’t succeed. alex believes that if the golden cup falls into desmond finch’s hands he may give it to patsy and they will sell ivan’s possession to rid themselves of the brewery’s debts. he also hires Young and Uttley a private detective to keep an eye on surtees since he believes suretees has a grudge against him since his stepfather gave him the privilege to hide the golden cup. ivan does add a codicil to his will and alex helps him, but patsy hasn’t found out yet. also desmond finch (chief advisor of the brewery and second to ivan who was once the financial advisor) doesn’t approve of alex either.
JanusParticipantthis is the first book whom i like all the characters. i like emily b/c she is outspoken about her beliefs and she is quite self-reliant and confident about herself when she says “i’m know as a dragon There aren’t many with the guts of Saint George.” pg 69. I looked up Saint george and he is a crusader legend. i like uncle robert (alex’s uncle and also related to King Alfred in Scotland) b/c he is wise and he also wants to protect king alfred’s treasure from those who might misuse it. i like ivan in england who is the stepfather who is in financial crisis. although, patsy is a bit annoying since she is the legitimate daughter of ivan, i find her manipulative charms entertaining. she is able to use her saccharine nature and have people pity her or think she’s a good person to her advantage esp. when it comes to the legal rights of transferring the brewery to Alex or her since ivan is recuperating from a heart attack, but has a bit of depression (i feel sorry for ivan since i feel as if he represents many people who have financial worries). i also like zoe lang b/c she is a smart professor studying history and uncle robert hires her to see about the golden cup and she concludes that it isn’t really King Alfred’s but a victorian relic “worth killing for, but not worth dying for” pg 119. i have developed an interest in historical suspense books that have a natural aspect that seems to speak to me. i also like james who is the child of uncle robert and he is quite a positive person who encourages others and also likes to play golf with alex. i also like jed b/c he has alex’s trust and his uncles’s trust and he is helping them with the golden cup. i like the way alex describes zoe lang who is 89 and says “The outward appearance of age could color one’s expectations of a person’s character. I wanted to paint her as young, vibrant, fanatical, with the ghost of the way she looked now superimposed in thin light gray lines, like age’s cobwebs. I strongly sensed a singular powerful entity that might have intensified with time, not faded. We were dealing with that inner woman, and should not forget it.” pg 118-119.
JanusParticipanti agree, some writers lack a story and meaning b/c they write for perfection and for sales. i like to write poetry b/c it helps me express my feelings and i like the idea of how words can help inspire others. when i am dancing alone, i don’t care about being pretty or having the crowd’s attention to my talents, i dance b/c i am truly me being lifted by the music and letting the words of the music tell me how to move myself. i like the idea of posting the poems in short snippets. i am currently reading a book called “To the Hilt.” and it’s about a father who is in financial trouble in london (his trusted advisor Norman Quoron betrayed him and his King Alfred’s brewery and he should have trusted Tobias Tollright) and asks his stepson, Alex to help him. Alex leads a simplistic life as a painter in scotland to help salvage his reputation. Alex realizes he must help protect his stepfather’s horse Golden Malt which is a racehorse and also King Alfred’s Golden Cup from becoming assets to pay debts. Alex who enjoys living in the Scottish Highlands in solitude where he can paint golf scenes now finds himself being part of the business world. I like Alex’s attitude when people like his friend emily (and says Alex’s paintings sell to golfers and people they “capture the perseverance of the human spirit” pg 60) who trains racehorses think him a bit strange to be a painter because he says “I paint what I like. I earn my bread. I’ll never be Rembrandt. I settle for what I can do, and if that is to give pleasure, well it’s better than nothing.” (Dick Francis pg 61). Alexander talks about how people think he is strange when they see his long hair in curls and also his paint-splattered clothes and how society thinks people are a team and doesn’t like solitude, but he thinks more creatively when he is alone and he doesn’t care if he is odd. I also didn’t know that “diminuedoed” was a word until i saw it in the book describing the horses hooves decreasing in the distance. it’s an italian term that applies to musical sound and it’s synonym is decrescendo. plangent means loud sound like a bell and largo means slow.
JanusParticipanti am currently going to read a few books from the library and this is one of them: Twelve by twelve : a one-room cabin off the grid & beyond the American dream by Powers, William, 1971-
i read a preview on googlebooks.com and i enjoyed how the author explains about combining science and spirituality. i also read the part when he mentions a friend whom he calls “Dr. Jackie Benton” who is a poet and scientist. i also want to go for a doctorate and combine both science and poetry so when i read that there were others like me out there, i was quite excited. i also have sent requests to join writing groups on facebook and have submitted a writing sample to The Write Life and posted a link to it on google play. the poems i submitted were the ones about youth struggles. i like your term on “Poescience” it is quite creative and makes me smile. i realize there are more people who are scientific philosophers than i thought and that makes me elated and drives the inner bully out b/c it had been telling me that a person can’t be creative and logical at the same time.
JanusParticipantthanks anita for catching the mistake in the first line, sometimes when i’m writing a lot of information, it can be hard to catch mistakes like that. thanks for your edits. the main part of photosynthesis occurs in the leaves b/c chloroplasts are located there and they help the process of photosynthesis. leaves are like the windows in a plant, they have chloroplasts (window panes) whom they can open and the thylakoid (window screen within the chloroplast) can filter in light to produce energy. this reminds me of a life scenario where the leaves of the plant which are the highest on the tree supported by branches (much like friends and people support and hold each other up) and the heart of a person can be like the thylakoid which opens and brings in light and happiness.
JanusParticipantI made some edits to photosynthesis and used another source.
Photosynthesis
Photosynthesis is a process by plants to convert sunlight into chemical energy that can be stored as carbohydrate molecules such as sugars to produce CO2 and water. The chemical equation of photosynthesis is an endergonic reaction since it absorbs the energy of sunlight to start the reaction. The photosynthesis equation is 6CO2 + 6H2O ——-> C6H12O6 + 6O2. Photosynthesis occurs when energy from light is absorbed in chloroplasts of plant leaves. In these reactions that depend on light (light-dependent reactions) some energy is used to take electrons from substances such as water to produce oxygen. The splitting of the water molecule frees the hydrogen to create NADPH (reduced form of NADP+) and ATP. In plants and algae, sugars are produced by a series of light-independent reactions called the Calvin Cycle. In the Calvin Cycle, carbon dioxide is included into already existing carbon compounds. Using the ATP and the NADPH produced in the light-dependent reactions, the compounds are reduced to form carbohydrates such as glucose. In the light-dependent reactions a molecule of the pigment chlorophyll absorbs a photon (particle of visible light with zero mass) and loses one electron. The electron is passed to pheophytin (modified chlorophyll) which passes the electron to a quinone (aromatic compound that is important as a coenzyme or electron acceptor and also used in making dyes) starting the flow of electrons down an electron transport chain that leads to a reduction of NADP to NADPH. This process creates a proton gradient across the chloroplast membrane which is used by ATP synthase to produce ATP. When a water molecule is split in a process called photolysis, the chlorophyll molecule gains the electron it lost and O2 is released. Light-dependent reactions occur in the thylakoid membrane (thylakoids are flattened sacs inside a chloroplast that carry out photosynthesis) and occur as cyclic and noncyclic. In the noncyclic reaction photons are captured in the light harvesting complexes (array of protein and chlorophyll molecules in the thylakoid membrane) of photosystem II (protein complexes that carry out the absorption of light and transfer of energy and electrons). The absorption of a photon from the light harvesting complex frees an electron that can be transferred to pheophytin (primary electron acceptor). While the electrons are traveling down the electron transport chain, protons (Hydrogen ions) are being pumped into the thylakoid space (chemiosmosis). An ATP synthase enzyme uses this to generate ATP during photophosphorylation and NADPH is also produced. The cyclic reaction only replenishes ATP without producing NADPH. In the light-independent reactions or the Calvin Cycle, the enzyme Rubisco (catalyzes the reaction that incorporates CO2 into the Calvin Cycle) captures carbon dioxide from the atmosphere and uses the NADPH (formed in the light-dependent reactions) to release three-carbon sugars that are later combined to form sugar and starch.JanusParticipanti agree that spending too much time with numbers makes my brain hurt at times. i have started looking for codes in the bible b/c there have been books saying that the bible has different codes and i am curious. i’m not a christian or catholic and science often influences my beliefs a lot. some wiccans have rituals to worship nature, but i just enjoy being out in nature and exploring the different types of trees and flowers. i tend to combine science and spirituality together. this is my photosynthesis summary and how it relates to atp production. do you think i should add more details?
Photosynthesis
Photosynthesis is a process by plants to convert sunlight into chemical energy that can be stored as carbohydrate molecules such as sugars to produce CO2 and water. The chemical equation of photosynthesis is an endergonic reaction since it absorbs the energy of sunlight to start the reaction. The photosynthesis equation is 6CO2 + 6H2O ——-> C6H12O6 + 6O2. Photosynthesis occurs when energy from light is absorbed in chloroplasts of plant leaves. In these reactions that depend on light (light-dependent reactions) some energy is used to take electrons from substances such as water to produce oxygen. The splitting of the water molecule frees the hydrogen to create NADPH (reduced form of NADP+) and ATP. In plants and algae, sugars are produced by a series of light-independent reactions called the Calvin Cycle. In the Calvin Cycle, carbon dioxide is included into already existing carbon compounds. Using the ATP and the NADPH produced in the light-dependent reactions, the compounds are reduced to form carbohydrates such as glucose.JanusParticipantalso i forgot to mention that i’m starting to notice the patterns of numbers. check today’s date, isn’t it cool?
8/8/16 8+8=16:D
JanusParticipanti like your second post especially the technique of preparing before a meeting by writing down your intentions. i have begun to let go of most of my inner bully and i have more confidence in myself and people’s criticism doesn’t bother me as much. restokley, i like your screenplay, what steps did you take if you don’t mind listing them, maybe there is a part that could be missing?
JanusParticipantspeaking of the negative in the world in regard to your first post (anita) i tend to see the word in black and white with a few touches of gray, there are some people who are quite too rigid in their religious beliefs and they think their religion is better than others. there have been some wiccans that will say that i’m not a real wiccan b/c i haven’t received coven initiation, but i think the goddess and god can make a wiccan. wicca is a religion of worshipping nature, of using the natural energy of the earth to help aid themselves in their goals. i am a buddhist wiccan since buddhism also meditates like wiccans do and they both share the view of walking your own path to enlightenment and end of suffering. many tibetan buddhists often use nature as a teacher and for their meditations. i say that it doesn’t matter what religion or belief you are, what matters is your actions. http://www.beliefnet.com/faiths/galleries/understanding-the-magic-behind-wiccans.aspx?source=NEWSLETTER&nlsource=29&ppc=&p=6
there is a logical fallacy that i think quite funny and it is “If god can do anything, can he create a rock that is so heavy he couldn’t lift it?” http://groups.able2know.org/philforum/topic/3235-1
this is cool:
http://www.beliefnet.com/entertainment/celebrities/galleries/5-celebrities-you-dont-want-your-children-to-look-up-to.aspx?source=NEWSLETTER&nlsource=29&ppc=&p=2also a quote by Epicurus which is:
“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”i think it is our own actions that determine our lives and also that we have a higher self within us. i would like to enjoy time out to be truly alone in nature b/c my parents can be quite criticizing. they tell me that i have no life skills
JanusParticipanti don’t like dancing in front of people, but i like to dance to music when i’m alone and dance out in the beauty of nature. i really enjoy this forum and it is like “Home” to me. when i feel sad or insecure, just posting my thoughts helps me and you give great advice. i think i am forgiving that part of me that sees the world and myself in a negative light and letting it go. i’m not going to let the negative perceptions of some people bring me down. i find that my positive thoughts help a lot and they help me be free, that is the part i like about dancing, the wings of my soul being lifted with the music of life and it is also a great workout. while dancing, i only hear the music and i am free of the negative inner bullies and worldly critics. i have become more confident of my body and i realize that i was always perfect the way i was, i just worried a lot about my weight and it just brought more negative views, but i’m more confident now. I am reading a book called “From Panic to Power” by Linda Bassett and it has helped me. in her book she describes her social anxiety of being judged by people and afraid of things b/c she didn’t want to be hurt and i felt like i could connect with her. she has a cool technique that i like called the ‘So-What?’ method. let’s say your inner bully says “People will judge me. I must be perfect. What if I fail and people hate me?” you should say “So what if people judge you. As long as you are doing your best, you are okay. So what if you fail, you can learn from your mistakes. So what if you’re not perfect, you will never be perfect if you give in to every expectation of others and lose yourself. It’s no big deal, just be yourself.” I like this method b/c sometimes when i’m around people, i think they are judging me and my inner bully will be like “look at that girl over there, she is much skinnier and prettier than you, look at how others see you.”, i will be like “So what if I’m not like her? I am healthy and smart. I have my talents. So what if others are mean to me. It doesn’t matter as long as I believe in myself.” Also there is another method that i like called the ‘Humor’ method. this method is like this you inner bully says “There’s too many people. They’re all looking at me. what if i freak out and do something wrong? what if a guy/girl looks at me and thinks i’m not a good person?” using humor, i am going to imagine myself being at the center of attention and becoming a clown in front of everyone. i’m going to imagine myself being a clown and dancing in big clown shoes and having a rudolph the reindeer nose. i am going to imagine myself tripping and making mistakes in my clown shoes as i smile a goofy clown smile. i am going to believe that i can be myself with my mistakes like the clown and it doesn’t matter what others think of me.
these images and examples were inspired by the book and they are mine, i think they are quite entertaining. when someone tells me that i am weak or not pretty or skinny enough, i don’t believe them, i imagine myself as a gymnast or dancer and being perfect. i say to myself “i am an earth angel. i am a healthy dancer.”
JanusParticipantiThanks a lot anita:) your kind words are great and uplifting, they help chase the inner bully out. i posted my “Beautiful As Dawn” poem last night and it has gotten two likes. I wrote that poem by hand in red b/c the dawn is red and red represents power and confidence which i think you have. i wrote “Beautiful As the Dawn” and “Immortality” in my pre-calc class when i had finished my work. i think i might get into the habit of posting the poem in its color font online. i am also working with a community service organizer to spread my positive poetry to places that need inspiration like homeless shelters and nursing homes. I like the fact that you mentioned the term Childhood integrity and your interpretations and readings of my poetry seem to make the poem seem more illuminated. i like the mental clarity i get after running or a meditation and it makes me think there is something deeper in all of us, an eternal soul and it is as if the heavens are radiating their light upon being helping spark my creativity, those are the moments when i truly feel alive and know that i am enough and all-intelligent, healed, whole. i have written three other poems inspired by the following songs: “Home” by Daughtry, “When I’m Gone” by Three Doors Down, “Don’t You Worry” by Swedish House Mafia, “What I’ve Done” by Linkin Park, “The Pretender” by Foo Fighter and “I won’t worry my Life” by Jason Mraz. here are the three poems (Home was handwritten purple, the color of spirituality, Immortality was written in red and Embracing Divine Self was written in green, the color of healing) i had originally thought that i used color to write my words b/c i couldn’t find my pencil (i always use pencil so i can erase the mistakes), but i think there is a purpose to the colors:
Home
Staring out into the night
Stretching my arms out to the heavens
Erasing the negative parts of me
I’ve not always been the best person
But I have forgiven what I’ve done
Looking at the stars twinkling their light to guide those in the dark
I stretch my arms out and embrace the beauty of the universe
Whatever pain I let go
AS I am reborn in my soul
Whatever road I take, I’ll be okay
Forgiving my fragmented parts and embracing the light
I’m going home
To the place where I belong
To the place of divine love
Where I’ll always be enough
I hear the music of heaven within my soul
My heart beats on the path to my life’s purpose
I stretch my arms out and become a star
I let go of the physical world that holds me back
I’m not afraid to fly
To the place where I am whole
To the place where I am healed
There is no sorrow or sadness where I’ve gone
There is only joy and an encompassing eternal love
I am eternal, I am timeless
I am home where I belong
I don’t regret this life I chose for me
I’m going to the place where love and feeling good don’t cost a thing
An Awakened being filled with radiance
One with the universe
All that I’ll ever be is enough
There is no fear as my spirit soars and I truly feel alive
As I dance the beat of my soul without anything holding me back
There are no flaws
All is divine perfection
All is healed and whole
I feel all that I can be capable of being light as a feather
The world fades away and all I see is divine light.
I am home.
I am a star in the universe.
Immortality
The dawn is breaking
A new person arises
A person filled with purpose
A person of the divine
Awakened in spirit, in energy
Immersed in divine love
I have run to the farthest pastures only to be with the divine
I have come to the pastures of heaven; I have found what I’ve been searching for all along
My soul
My body
My mindAre free
A sense of Being and Oneness
There are no limits to happiness
There is no fear and insecurity anymore
I have discovered my true essence
Part of the Divine, there is nothing holding me back
I have discovered the spirit within
Immortality
I have experienced this oneness called love and it endures wherever I go
How could I be anything less if i was made out of energy and feel the divine energy now?
Trusting the process of life
The end is only the beginning
I have nothing to lose
To divine love I was born, to divine love I return
Embracing my Divine Self
Erasing myself of all physical limitations
Start again and whatever pain I let go
Embracing the uncertainty and adventure of life
What if I’m not like the others?
What if i don’t want the world to direct my plays?
I will live my life and break free of the illusions
I don’t regret the choices I’ve made
I’m forgiving myself
Forgiving what I’ve done
So what if the critics laugh and jeer?
I am in control of my life
Embracing my divine self
Learning to fly, to embrace my soul
As long as I’m truly me, I will work on making my life the best it can be
All the negatives wash away to a blank slate
I am reborn again
Embracing my divine self
Everything that I am and everything in me knows the path to take
I won’t worry my life away
You can turn the light out, but I’m still going to shine
And I’m going to tell you why
I am a star exploding with potential lighting up the universe with my life’s purpose
Not letting anyone cage my soul from who I was meant to be
I am my divine self
And I will fly
All around me is perfection and light
As my soul is awakened to the divine in me
Forgetting the world,leaving behind fear
The pen’s in my hand, fire’s in my soul, I will write my story and I will rise to the heavens
I am one with the universe
As I embrace the divine within myself
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 