i don’t mind and your words were very encouraging. afghanistan has a women’s soccer league and taliban restrictions have lessened there. even though women who are ‘honor-killed’ aren’t publicized for the shame of the family some of it has been shared in the news to tell people that it is not right to discriminate and harm people. even though i’m still self-conscious of what others think of me, i still do what i want. i won’t be the girl with fashion and make-up, but someone who is smart and enjoys whatever is comfortable. my inner bully is really irritating at times and tells me ‘you are being stupid. look at how others are viewing you. why are you doing this?” my motto is to be yourself and stand for what you believe in, even if you feel self-conscious. there is a girl at my school who is bullied b/c she is goth and she has purple streaks in her hair and often has a cat ear head band and always wear shorts. i always offer her a smile and i even like the music she listens to. there could be a lot of people staring at her or she could be sitting around alone and i wouldn’t care what others say b/c i know what it’s like to be different so i befriend her. she has a great sense of humor and is a great artist. of course my parents a bit stereotypical so they think she’s strange. i don’t care when people laugh, i say “so what? they don’t know her.”

thanks a lot anita;) i just read an article about how outdated the word “tomboy” is and how it can be offensive to girls. society should be celebrating the strong, independent women who can play sports, withstand injuries as a symbol of feminism. “tomboy” aren’t really throwing away gender norms, but they are expressing who they are and the strength of their personality. in the 1550s, the term “tomboy” was used to mean a rude, boisterous boy but it has now evolved to mean “a bold woman who flouts societal conditions and is a strumpet.” just b/c a girl wears shorts and cuts her hair short doesn’t mean she is trying to be a male, it means she is having her own terms of free expression. tomboy diminishes the power of girls by saying that the girl is acting like a guy so it’s almost saying boys are better. women in our society are not powerless and should be allowed to play sports, dress in shorts and wear their hair short. there’s still a societal convention that designates those things for males and that’s just prejudice. i like katherine hepburn b/c she is outspoken, wore her hair short and wore trousers. she was very independent and athletic. some of her quotes are “If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased.” when she was young, she even acted a play out in which she pretended she was “jimmy” and dressed as a boy. i do that sometimes when i’m with my friends and we have lots of laughs.
borrowed and paraphrased from

http://www.bustle.com/articles/180131-why-we-need-to-stop-calling-girls-tomboys

thanks a lot anita:D i let the words flow onto the paper after doing some meditations to clear my head. thanks for saying it is authentic and spontaneous. can you give me advice on any grammar mistakes i might have made? does it completely flow and reflect who i am? if a stranger were to read it (i think i might give it to someone who doesn’t know me well), would they be able to get a sense of who i am? does it appear to appeal to both the reader, while also maintaining the writer’s personality?

so andrew and i were helping each other in ap biology today. we laughed together at each others mistakes. also sebastian is in my lunch as well. it’s a strange feeling of not having a strong inner bully in me, but it’s a relief. in school i have an inner critic that says ‘okay you didn’t do so well on this test, only a 75% for ap calc. but there’s still 176 days to improve, so you’ve got time.’ my inner bully would have been ‘what are you stupid?, how could you have gotten a 75% on a test. i bet you won’t make it through this class. how are you going to become an engineer anyway?” i like being in school to learn and learning new things helps me to push the inner bully back esp. since i didn’t beat myself up for a test score yesterday, so that’s another victory.
in ap biology we switch groups every time we complete a study section in our studybooks and i find that i like my classmates in ap biology the best. they are all quite fun to be around, helpful and ambitious. most of them want to go into a medical career or be a biochemist. limits are a bit confusing in ap calc, but they’re not too bad. francine and i were talking about our first few days back at school and the summer. collegeboard.com sent a link tofafsa and i just sent part of the thing in. Can you edit and critique my college essay? does it truly reflect who i am and how i’ve become the person i am? does it describe my life in high school, achievements and overcoming a setback? What about the grammar and the wording? here is the essay topic:
“Tell a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it” from rutgers. the essay is 1,303 words not including the title, it’s two pages single-spaced. Thanks! here is my college application essay:

How the Blog Changed my Life

Shirley Liu

How the Blog Changed my Life

There aren’t many places that can feel like home. Finding a place where you can be yourself is the best feeling anyone can have. Here in the forums at tinybuddha.com, I have found somewhere where I can express my thoughts and work out my insecurities. At tinybuddha.com, I feel at home in a community that gives me words of wisdom. Looking back at all the posts I wrote in the forum of my life story called “Too Criticizing of Myself,” I realize I have grown from the insecure and confused person I was in middle school to someone with confidence and an idea of their career. Here in the forums I can bring to light the issues I am facing, work on letting them go and also get a sense of my self-identity.
Tinybuddha.com has provided me a place to seek advice whenever I feel lost in life. It is not easy being a teen in the throes of childhood and adult. Being bullied in middle school for not being athletic was tough. By the time I was going to graduate middle school, I made a vow to start fresh in high school and rebuild my self-esteem that had lessened due to bullying. It was not easy, but I had faith in the Buddha. I became a Buddhist when I was nine after discovering that Buddhists walk their own path in life called the Eight-fold path. I took this belief that you walk your path and make your life choices to help me in high school; I was not going to let the bullies define who I was. I decided to find a place where I could write my feelings and since I was a Buddhist, I began to research for online Buddhist support groups. I decided to take a chance on the Tinybuddha.com link I saw. At first, since I was new to the site there was not much notice of me. I remembered feeling a bit isolated and uncertain about myself, but an inner strength kept me going; there was a part of me that gained comfort in putting the words on paper even though not many people read them. Writing the insecurities helped bring them into physical being and made them easier to focus on and face.
I created a journal in the forum titled “Too Criticizing of Myself.” After freshman year of high school and I had been on the site for a while, people began to reply to my posts and offer advice. One of my best friends at Tinybuddha.com, Anita has helped me in realizing my true worth. I remember being insecure in my freshman and sophomore year of high school even though I had friends from track and community service clubs, but they never made me feel like I truly belonged. After spending some time on tinybuddha.com and getting to know the community, I felt like I was truly home where I could be myself. Anita, one of the members of the Tinybuddha.com community, would provide kind words of comfort to me whenever I felt I was on shaky ground. Some of the words I wrote on the forum, which became a place where I could discuss my inner personality with Anita (one-on-one) were “I’m not sure what career I want in life. I’m not sure I’m good enough.” Anita would remind me that I had talents such as those in biochemistry and other sciences. She told me that I was hard-working, dedicated and compassionate. Anita’s unwavering belief in me and my abilities helped me to realize that I was a special person.
As I began to write my insecurities down, I began to feel heaviness lift from me as if I was letting the negatives flow from me onto the paper to be resolved. I know I am not perfect at everything, but I accept myself. As I began to unravel my story onto the forum “Too Criticizing of Myself,” I began to get a clearer insight into myself. I began to uncover my limits and face them. Anita and Tinybuddha.com taught me that people have limits, but they should have the courage to challenge them. They should not be defined by their limits and let them hold them back from their goals. We all have limits, but it is our attitude of perseverance and belief in ourselves that get us past them. Tinybuddha.com helped me map out a possible career choice. I remember writing down my interests and saying that I liked science. Anita helped encourage me by editing some of the essays I wrote for science. She told me that “If I really thought I wasn’t good enough, I wouldn’t be seeking advice. If I really thought I was nothing, I would have just given up.” Anita told me that the fact that I had sought advice was because I cared about myself.
Slowly, I began to develop my inner confidence. Anita helped me to believe in myself. There were times when I was bullied that I felt down, but I would remember Anita’s words and have more courage. Over the summer of sophomore year, I began to visit a local gym with a trainer and began to work out. There will always be people who try to put you down, but you do not have to let them drag you down. The world is filled with everyone else, but few realize their true selves.
Because of Anita and my interest in science which was peaked in my junior year physics class, I became more aware of my talents. I really enjoyed learning about mirrors and how they reflected images in physics. I felt they applied to my life the way light would bounce off an object and produce an image that was unchanged from the object. The mirrors reminded me of how I would like to see my image just the way I was not magnified with pride or shrunken with low self-esteem. Anita helped me to develop the courage to pursue a career in science, especially as a molecular biologist. I really enjoy learning about stem cells and biology and chemistry were my favorite subjects in high school. I want to study DNA and molecules in plants to help advance medical science.
Bullying because I was not athletic enough stopped in my junior year when people found out I was good at lacrosse. But the fact that it stopped when I changed myself did not matter, what mattered was that in the process I discovered myself. I found a place to call home and a spiritual guide in Anita on Tinybuddha.com. The important lesson I learned was about respect for others and for myself. I began to become motivated to help others and since I loved science began to go for a goal of being a molecular biologist. I began to accept myself as the person I was and even felt proud of my accomplishments to be healthy. It does not matter if you are not a model, athlete or genius; everyone has their talents.
Tinybuddha.com helped me pave a road to the confident person I have become. From shaky ground of not knowing my self-worth, I built myself up to a person sure of my career and proud of whom I have become. I may still have doubts here and there, but they will not get in the way of my dreams. I am glad to have met a guide like Anita. She has helped me find a goal to keep working for and also the forum remains a haven for me to express my thoughts. Tinybuddha.com taught me not only the strength of the human body, but also the perseverance and endurance of the human spirit. We all have the will to overcome setbacks and fear to find ourselves.

the cool thing i learned is that most of the time our cells debilitate as we age is the lack of oxygen and it can be healed. there is a 55% case study that people who don’t undergo chemotherapy or other after treatments (when their disease is pretty much gone) live for 12 years longer and experience no relapse/ remission while the others who undergo treatment have an year. oxygen helps the body defend against radiation. all the laundry detergents have ‘oxy-something’ which means that they clean with oxygen. oxygen therapies have been known to boost the immune system in the production of white blood cells (slowing apoptosis: cell death). oxygen can break down synthetic toxins (carcinogens cause cancer) in your body (catabolic reactions) much like metabolism reminds me of ATP and oxygen being the last electron acceptor of H ions forming water. i think the buffer in blood works this way to keep a solution balanced at 7.4 and the H ions are neither too much or too little. oxygen also increases antioxidants which slow the aging process preventing the breakdown of collagen and reducing wrinkles. it also fights cancer cells with the production of ‘inferon.’
This is reminding me of positive feedback where oxygen increases to inhibit something else sometimes enzymes will do that to so it prevents an excess of that product or the enzyme will close its active sites.
now that i’ve got started on enzymes i feel as if they remind me of an inner bully analogy. enzymes will bind to a substrate that is similar to the substance that needs to be carried into the cell. enzymes lower the energy activation required to perform cellular work so they are known as biological catalysts. anyway, enzymes have a competitive inhibition which binds to the active site and prevents the enzyme from getting the substance it needs (usually when this happens there are more enzymes in the cell, so it’s okay or the enzyme starts producing more of a substance to overpower the competitor). this is like the inner bully which latches on to you and tries to close the door for you to achieving your dreams. in order to defeat the inner bully, you must produce more happy thoughts (substrate) and surround yourself with positive people (more enzymes). there is also non-competitive inhibition which the molecule that is like a substrate backstabs the enzyme and latches on somewhere else onto the enzyme not the active site. this denatures the enzyme’s shape and often prevents it from carrying out its function. there are eight major themes of biology and one of them is: structure and function are related. the core theme is evolution. i think i can fill a whole book with my knowledge;) anyway, back to oxygen therapy, the reason why it’s not popular is that it isn’t profitable. the drugs only treat the symptoms and not the cause, they don’t help the whole cell in healing, they only cure it. healing comes from a latin word meaning to make whole. i also know a bit of latin b/c it’s cool.
sorry if it sounds like i’m rambling. when i discover how sciences relate, i go all over the place;)

Did you know that there is a thing called hermaphrodites? they can mate with either female or male since they have both parts. some also can do asexual reproduction. some common ones are snails, clown fish (including 21 other species of fish can also be) and some worms like earthworms.
oysters can change their gender at will. Science rules!

from the people’s chemist, oxysolution, animal.mom.me and my own knowledge.

I’m working on getting the hang of the Ti-89 calculator for ap calc and it’s quite advanced. The thing I need to remember is to put parentheses for most of my data when typing it in b/c my old calculator didn’t require parentheses. I also find that after checking with my calculator for the results to the problems, it gives a different answer than what I came up when when I solved it on my own, so I’m still working on finding out my mistake (since I double checked and the calculator is still giving the same result). There are so little people in my class this year, but it’s good b/c it’s quiet and peaceful, here are the classes in order that I take them in this semester (ap classes are full year). There are only 13 students in my ap calc class, 10 in my business/web develop., around 15 in my ap bio class and around 18 in my java class. my former lunch buddy steve feng is in my ap calc class. I have A lunch which is crowded this year with around 60 students there and Andrew, zach (from former ap world history) and javi (former track mate, also he was in my cooking/sewing class in freshman year). Andrew is competitive as ever in ap biology with me especially since we have group competitions with our ap bio studybook. i had a feeling before school started in july that i wouldn’t see dave in my classes and i was right. while in school, i went to visit my former ap english teacher to return her books, i thought i saw dave, but it wasn’t him. I also had a feeling a week before school started that there would be a guy named sal in one of my classes and i was right. sal is very ambitious and wants to be more independent with his own company or work and likes nature like me. i admire his confidence in himself b/c he doesn’t look up to anyone, but himself. he is quite high-achieving and really believes in his abilities and that is who i want to be. someone without an inner bully, but an inner critic that keeps me motivated to work my best. i have a feeling that i will see kordell (former ap world history, swimmer, entertaining) again, i don’t know why, it’s just a strong feeling. i know that kordell is taking psychology with mrs. whelan (former ap world history teacher) probably in spring semester so when i visit my former teacher, i may see him. no surprises here that my special friend is in A lunch with me, I had a feeling that he would be b/c he has been in lunches the whole high school years (C,B,C,A goes the lunch order. however this year the school downsized and there is no more B lunch so A is crowded). anyway, my special friend is quite happy with his gf and occupied with his classes and college applications so we haven’t talked for 2.5 months (includes the last three weeks of july and august along with now). We still look out for each other though and I am happy that he is happy with her right now. We are more comfortable around each other b/c formerly we had romantic interests in each other, but that has faded a bit. I think a relationship with him would have complicated things anyway so I’m happy that he has found someone and I’m glad we are still friends which is just right for us. It’s strange that my inner bully seems less in school, it’s probably b/c i’m with people similar to me and also enjoy learning. during the summer being with my family at the restaurant with people i feel don’t know me well, i feel insecure. so i think my inner bully is an environmental thing. i can be quite happy in the library, but in the gym where i’m a decent athlete (not great), i feel insecure. my inner bully seems to often use situations that i’m already shy in to rear its head and say “look all those people think you’re ugly. you have big thighs.your stomach is too big. your chest is too big and saggy.” i find that when i’m in my environment, i am quite confident and there is no inner bully.
i’m nervous about doing well in ap calc b/c apparently andrew is competing with me in that class (we don’t share the same class, he has it 2nd block, while I have it 1st), but we still compete. some of the problems are a bit complex and like i said above my calculator doesn’t agree with me so i need to work on it since the test is on thurs and the teacher is collecting the packet tomorrow.

i agree that there is no such thing as perfection, but there is a sense of peace when you begin to accept yourself as you are. i like to be alone out in nature and when i get a job as a molecular biologist, i’m going to get a house near some woods. fear is good in that it keeps people from doing dangerous things, but it’s bad when it keeps you from your dreams. my parents’ judgmental views get on my nerves a lot of the time.

i have a few friends who are bisexual, gay and transgender. Here are the reasons I don’t get along with my family:
Both of my parents and brother don’t like LGBT people.
I am a Buddhist wiccan and my parents think most spirits are evil so sometimes when I talk to spirits they think I’m weird. My brother and my dad are atheists and my mom is a taoist. my parents are going for christianity which clashes with my buddhist wiccan belief.
My dad likes toolworking too much, while my mom is too wrapped up in her bills.
My mom complains about being unhealthy, but she won’t change her habits such as getting some exercise or eating the right amount of food portions, no matter how hard I get her to.
They are very patriarchal and think that girls can’t be scientists or shouldn’t bench press or do pull-ups.
I am the polar opposite of my mom who likes shopping for clothes, fashion, jewelry and flowers. I rather wear shorts and a t-shirt as opposed to a skirt and I enjoy keeping my hair short b/c when I do science labs long hair is a hazard and also so it doesn’t blow in my face when I’m working out. I like to work with scientific tools, workout and shop for healthy food.
They tell me to “deal with it” when I try to confide in them or they tell me to “mind my own self” when I tell them about my friends.
They tend to spy on me on a lot on things even when I want to be alone.
My mom overdramatizes ever situation that makes her mad and she lets her anger leave her staggering.
They need to ask me about everything when it is in english b/c they can’t speak it well even when i’m busy with school work.
They criticize me and say I have no life skills and I’m nothing compared to my brother. Just b/c I’m not good at finances, tool work. they say i only have book knowledge and nothing else.