thanks a lot anita:) my brain feels quite strained since this week of school, here’s why:
u.s. history ii historical head project due yesterday finished
u.s history ii ch 12.1-12.2 quiz yesterday, received a 76 on it (i’ve only been in the class for five days, but that quiz set my grade to 76)
ap calc derivative test today, waiting to see results, current grade is 83.4
ap biology ch. 5-7 test moved to thurs., have a 85.9 in that class now, still need to outline some parts of 6 and 7
java alice test on friday, alice project due thurs. (still learning the basics)
u.s. history ii ch 13 test fri or tuesday

so i have five tests this week, completed two and a project.

the java class has gotten quieter since we are learning how to do specific functions such as animations on a computer and the classmates are having fun. so i am very busy this weekend and i also have my inner bully that decided to rear its head again yesterday and is still here today telling me that i am a pathetic loser to deal with. here are the things i have to do:
ap calc derivative quiz tuesday
u.s history II ch. 12.1-12.2 on harding quiz monday
us. history historical head project monday
ap biology 5-7 chapter test wed. (still need to do notes for 6 and 7 which are around 20 pages and vocab cards)
, there are lots of cell diagrams to draw
u.s. history II take notes on ch. 11 wwi and review for test sometime next week
find a way to study for sats in the middle of this.
find a way to stop my inner bully from driving me insane, it has taken to attacking me on my academic classes and my body and it is really irritating.

so i like my ap calc class and the way the teacher is rolling into topics. he makes it seem a lot less complicated and also makes the class fun and interesting. we just finished limits and are getting an overview of some theorems such as intermediate value theorem which states that a function cannot skip values. we are learning more about how to look at a graph and find the values, to graph equations and also to work with vertical and horizontal asymptotes of trig functions. i met with my guidance counselor today on college planning and she advised me to retake the SATs so i could be eligible for NJSTARS at ocean county college since my gpa and academic scores are good. so i’m retaking them on nov. 5. i am enjoying my classes this semester, the teachers are great. i had to switch my business/web to u.s history II b/c it was a requirement to take 2 years of u.s. history, but i like the teacher. i did the switch today during fourth block, java. the only thing i miss is that my business/web development class had lots of fun people in it, but i think i can always visit them again during passing time between blocks. nick in my former business/web class has a great sense of humor and he and sal both play football. sal has a great sense of confidence in himself and i want to be like him, while nick’s laid-back humor makes everyone smile. they were both helping me answer jeopardy questions on the computer in 2nd block business/web development (only for today, tomorrow 2nd block will be u.s. history). alyssa in my former business and web class let me borrow her cylinder gum package so i could pretend i was a protein being wrapped in a chaperonin. a chaperonin is a thing that is like a cylinder with a top that opens and the protein falls into it and once it is folded correctly the top opens and the protein is let out. so i was pretending to be a protein as part of a play during 2nd block and i was describing how a protein is folded to carry out specific functions and it was quite entertaining. so during fourth block was when i went to guidance and did the college and schedule things. my java teacher is my former geometry honors teacher from sophomore year and she is great. she also wrote a letter of recommendation for me. i missed some class time talking to the counselor about college, but she caught me up and said that i could take the open-note test tomorrow. ray (smart and great sense of humor) who is in my java and ap calc class was telling me about all the fun teachers he had. he like me enjoys laid-back teachers even if they teach hard subjects. my ap biology teacher (3rd block) is great, he has a great sense of humor and he explains things really well and makes great analogies to real-life situations. anyway, i saw my former lunch buddy and francine today after school for 15 minutes and we said hi to each other. i have a lot of clubs this year and i am enjoying them. i have academic challenge (explains why i was doing jeopardy 2nd block) mostly on mondays (has been mostly board meetings) and i am recording secretary so i take notes and send a copy of the schedule to the teacher. we also meet on thursdays sometimes as well. i also have garden club on thursdays so i alternate. all the clubs started this week. i have lead and seed on wednesday and it is a drug prevention program. i have art club on tuesdays and community service so i alternate those as well. i went to the art club meeting today and it was really fun. andrew and i were talking during the last 15 minutes of ap biology we struck up a conversation about voodou, zombies and celtic human sacrifices (wall street journal newspaper article on voodou in court rooms). we were both laughing and discussing various topics of religion. he waited for me after the bell rang and he seemed really interested in talking about the subject. when the art club members were all scattered and planning different things, wilson was standing in the corner sort of lonely. i met a friend and we had fun saying that the river rocks looked like potatoes (art club members will paint the rocks and sell them). one of the rocks was exactly like a potato, the other was like the color of a red kidney bean and the other looked like a smushed, cooked potato. anyway my friend and i were talking it over and thinking it would be fun to play a prank on someone with the rocks and pretend it is a potato. anyway, wilson overheard us and began to explain his knowledge on potatoes and how the red kidney bean looking potato rock was probably an irish red potato and how the cooked potato looking rock was an irish folklore potato. anyway, my friend and i went up to one of the art teachers and asked her if she would like a potato, she knew it was a rock so she declined, but she shared in our humor. my friend saw wilson standing there and decided to offer him the potato looking rock, the art teacher joined in the joke and us three were saying “look it’s a potato.” of course wilson knew it was a rock. but i asked him “how do you know, it’s a great tasting potato.” the art teacher supported the joke and said “come try it.” my friend gave the potato rock to andrew and andrew (sorry i switched back to andrew again, i’m just not used to calling him wilson) pretended to take a bite out of it and all four of us started laughing. anyway, after that my friend put the potato rocks in order from red potato rock, potato rock to cooked potato rock while andrew and i watched and we were both smiling.
wilson told me that he was an elf one time for art club when they helped people paint pictures, he helped carry the paint around and it was cute. he is really good at ap biology and also we get along well in that class. the dog, hanson that helps the girl in the wheelchair is a great dog and wilson (switched back to wilson) is really good with that dog. they are so cute together such as when wilson pets the dog and massages the dog’s legs. he is really good with dogs and i love dogs, hanson is a really well-behaved and cute dog. the dog yawned at wilson and wilson smiled and it was so cute. i want to go to garden club tomorrow and see andrew (a.k.a wilson) and nick (from my former business/web class starting tomorrow, that is if he joins), but i also will have to alternate with academic challenge. the ap biology teacher goes a max of 2-3 chapters per week with 60 pages of info and lots of drawings, but i really like biology and andrew is great at explaining biology. i also am staying after friday for art club to help paint those river rocks and i need a composition book for academic challenge by thurs.

so the library at my school has new books and they are quite cool esp. with finance and college planning. they have lots of chemistry, physics and biology books. they have the most biology books. the only thing i wish the had more math books. i just discovered they have a section on lgbt and that is really cool and also a psychology book.

at ocean county college, they have intramural sports so i think i’m going for field hockey, chess and running. the thing about living at home is that i can work out there using my work out equipment and also it’s less costly. also community college will help me get my intro courses out of the way such as latin and economics and it’s cheaper. i’m not a procrastinator so i tend to space things out pretty well and get a head start on them so i don’t have to do many test corrections b/c i got most of it planned out and i am going to check some of the questions to make sure. i like my ap calc class b/c they are quiet, studious and helpful with the problems. i understand the work, but i do bad on the tests, but it’s only the 2nd test (i got a 71 on it) so i might just need time to adjust to the teacher’s testing style. my business/web class doesn’t seem to want to learn at times and the people all think that a subject is useless or they just are too focused on sports and games. my ap biology class is a bit dramatic, but i like science so i enjoy that class, although sometimes the classmates are a bit too dramatic. i realize that if i don’t do well on something, it won’t mean that i will fail the semester or the school year for ap classes. remember when you said that most people don’t realize they have an inner bully and most people aren’t as confident as they seem?, i think i see that with my ap biology classmates. some of them flip out after the first test and think they will do bad on the ap test which is in may a long way to go. i have realized that i have an inner bully (thanks to your help) and i don’t let it get to me. there are times when i feel down, but i’ll still think of the accomplishments that i did such as that i am doing well with my time management and have most of the work done while others haven’t. by focusing on my accomplishments and my good qualities even when i feel a bit down, i find myself feeling better about myself and it keeps the inner bully from getting into my mind and making a situation worse. one of my friends told me she thought “i was the most confident person she knew.” i will fake a smile and lie that i’m fine and sometimes i’m a good actor i’ll believe it and uplift other classmates and then we’ll all be more hopeful. i’m not really all that confident as my friend says, it depends on the environment, but her comment made me smile. my java class is too loud and i would like to learn so there are times when i read my notes and teach myself at home, the guys all talk about football much like the guys in my business/web class.

anyway i was helping one of my classmates with html on khanacademy during business/web class and i had lots of fun learning about coding and putting brackets to close and end titles and headings. andrew was helping me with ap biology today and he is really good at explaining things. here is a list of stuff that i have to do:
Study for ap calc limit test tomorrow
Do ap questions 1-20 in ap calc on limits by monday
Review Ch. 5 for ap biology and make notecards summarizing the info
Do the test corrections for ap biology due monday
Plan for a history of computers topic to do a prezi on or anything more creative than a powerpoint- Java class
Java history of computer test tuesday open notes

I like your analogy of the inner bully to “Green Eggs and Ham.” I read the book a couple times and I think I can still quote most of the passages:) i stayed after with my ap calc teacher and limits are a bit more clearer now. i am still working on understanding the trig limits with tan and csc (opposite of sine). so in school today, i had a successful battle with the inner bully b/c before it even built its polymer chain out of monomers, i caught it. every time there approached a thought in my mind that was something like this “you are noth…, you can’t…, you’re not this or that” i wouldn’t let it complete its sentence, i would say “i am great and i am capable of many things. and others things like it. as i was walking to homeroom, i was worried about my ap calc (1st block) during homeroom (transition between 1st and 2nd block usually on wednesdays for 10 minutes), so i was running through the equations in my head. my mind was filled with thoughts and i was quite distracted with solving things, so when my special friend looked at me, i ignored him. i felt really bad for doing that, but i had to focus on the problems from ap calc so we walked in silence for a while. i took a different route to talk to my former ap english teacher before going to homeroom and i think my special friend was sad to see me take a different route. anyway, i feel a bit guilty for avoiding him, but i had things to do. during 3A lunch, my special friend did a impression of me carrying my books and running, he is a good actor and our friends and me were laughing. in school, i’m always hurrying to class with my books b/c i like school and often don’t want to be late for class. anyway, when i forgot my books during third block ap biology and had to run to get them and was a bit out of breath (books are heavy and i was wearing a backpack). while carrying the books and running to get to class, i saw my special friend and he was laughing at how funny i looked running with heavy books and i also started laughing as well. anyway, he offered to help me carry the books. we had a drill where we left the building during fourth block and among a lot of the students, i spotted my special friend standing there watching the sky. he saw me looking at him and he smiled at me. it’s really cool how we can always spot each other no matter where we are. we don’t even have to use words to communicate. with him i feel whole and complete, but there is a part of me that holds back and that part is my inner bully who is afraid to let go. the inner bully knows that my special friend makes me feel truly alive and whole and it feels threatened that the host is escaping the parasite for a while so it tries to sneak in by saying little things like “you’re not good enough for him. what are you doing, you should be studying! go get a life you don’t deserve a chance, you’re too different to be friends.” i hate my inner bully b/c there are times when i really want to tell my special friend something and i can’t b/c the inner bully gets in the way. but i think my special friend knows i care, even though sometimes i may ignore him when i’m stressed, i still give him a smile from time to time. we usually don’t talk much in our first days of school, but soon we’re having fun. i wonder what college will do between me and my special friend, but i think we will let each other go and if it so happens we may see each other again.

i spent the lunch period taking the multiple choice test, it was really long and took a whole 2 hours. my classmates all stayed during lunch and many were so nervous that they didn’t eat much lunch. everyone seemed jittery and there were many pencils and papers rustling. it was an open notebook test, but it was still hard. i think i got 15 wrong and skipped three questions. there were 97 questions. i think i may have received at least a 65 on it. i learned a lot about limits today in ap calc and there are still some things i need to review. i’m a bit nervous about my grades this year because for the first ap calc test i received a 75. my grade is an 87.5 in ap calc and a 86.4 in ap biology. my special friend seems stressed today and i feel bad for him, i was busy trying to get to class and just brushed by him.