it’s this week that i have a four day weekend so i don’t have school thurs.-sunday. i’m currently taking a break from my ap biology notes. i think colored pencils are good for drawing pictures and they can be erased, but they need to be constantly sharpened after taking many pages of notes so i like colored pens for note-taking, colored pencils for pictures and diagrams. i think i have a temper, but it takes a lot to make me mad, but my temper could set the person i am aflame (figuratively) since i tend to play mischief in getting revenge. i am very willful and perseverant in pursuing the things i care about and i wouldn’t stop at anything or what anyone tells me to give up on my dreams. i’m technically a marshmallow disguised as a cactus, those who don’t know me well think of me as strong, aloof, cold and logical. however i am extremely loyal to the people and things i care about. also i am extremely against bullying and harassment of any kind and i often find myself actively defending those people regardless of what others say. i listen to some spiritual and some sad songs sometimes the sad songs are to make me understand how to better help those people, to be empathetic to what they feel or to make me realize that life is beautiful and we should appreciate the little things. there are people who don’t know me well who think i’m strange when they hear me listening to songs about prejudices, not belonging or depression. but i listen to them to make me more appreciative of what i have and to get myself closer to the people i want to help. also instead of pushing the inner bully away and running from it, these sad songs give me a chance to see through the inner bully’s eyes and get to know it better. when i know the inner bully better, i can predict what it will do and face it better instead of hiding or running from it. i think the world is grey, but most of my songs are black and white, the spiritual are like being in heaven and the sadness is like being in a black hole. yet, a person must acknowledge the dark parts of him or herself to release them into the light which is what i want to do. i want to learn from the dark parts in me and ask the dark parts what i have neglected in my life that has lead to them and release them.

so i caught up in java, but i am a bad test taker for ap calc. i often blank out after doing the first few problems. i took a test today on first and 2nd derivatives along with other theorems and i don’t think i did well. i am busy with ap biology, have to do 14 more test corrections due tomorrow. i also have to outline 2 chapters for ap biology. the work never ends. andrew has a great sense of humor and he is a great problem-solver so he often helps me with ap calc or ap biology. andrew is quite an optimist, he always makes himself or others laugh and he is fun to be around. no matter how dire the situation, andrew can be relaxed and find something funny. that is one of the traits i like about him. he is also adventurous and a risk-taker and i admire that. i think i am becoming more like the easy-going person that andrew is.

i like your analogy of creating an inner best friend that sees the good in me. i know one thing i want in life is to spend at least three years in nature relearning who i truly am underneath all the labels that i have. two labels that fit me perfectly are scientific and spiritual and everything else doesn’t seem to fit. i want to spend time alone far from people to get a sense of my soul. i want to drop all the prejudices, negativities and the materialism of society and find myself. i don’t care what others say b/c i know my main goal in life is to find myself, to be one with who i am. i’m done with all the criticisms my parents put on me: “you’ll never make it out in life. you’re not strong enough. you’re not smart enough to go for that career. you don’t know anything about life.” well the criticisms can keep coming and i won’t care b/c i will follow my heart and listen to only the inner best friend that you mentioned. i will remake myself into the person i want to be, not what society decrees. i may be hurt on the inside, but admist the darkest skies, there is the star of my heart that keeps glowing and i will follow that star to the end of eternity no matter what. that is why i’ve been getting dreams not of me working in a lab, but secluded in a convent with other buddhist nuns meditating. i think that may be my career path to withdraw from the world and enter into a convent. i had another dream about the buddha and he held out his hand to me and said “i know you are suffering. come with me.” he took my hand and we came upon a dry river bank and i asked “why is there no water here?” i began to cry and i watched in amazement as my tears filled cleaved the banks and provided a river. then the buddha raised his hand and there were cups in the shape of stars and people came and thanked me for giving them water in the desert. the buddha took my hand and said ” you see? even your tears have a purpose in life. even at the broken parts, you can fill the hollowness of someone else.” i was quite amazed and then the buddha took me across a bridge to a monastery where there were monks, i was surprised to see the monks greet me like they had known me all along and i felt as if i was truly where i belonged. i was accepted into the monastery and began to meditate along with them and the buddha left and said “farewell child, learn your divine purpose and we will soon meet again.”

also the ‘celsius = (fahrenheit-32.0)*5.0/9.0;’ is the equation for fahrenheit to celsius. the “=” is an assignment operator, it assigns the equation to the value of celsius. it is not a equivalence statement, the equivalence is ==. also if you want to add in java you have to put the plus inside quotes otherwise, the plus signs are for joining strings. sorry if this is a bit confusing.

here is a picture of an example of what would happen in ‘eclipse’ with the code

Enter degrees in fahrenheit: 32
The equivalent in Celsius is: 0.0

yeah we had a fight a couple weeks ago, he was feeling hurt b/c he thought i was spending too much time with my ap classmates in my classes and i was forgetting about him, i pointed out that he was also spending time with his gf and we were arguing. but we forgave each other. anyway, here are the things i have to do this weekend:

study for ap calc test tuesday
study for u.s history ii test monday
complete ap biology test corrections by wednesday (24 questions to fix)
study for java and reorganize my notes, i’m still falling behind by three projects b/c the classmates are too loud and distracting. i may just teach myself instead. not to mention, the teacher moves really fast and it can be hard to keep up.
study for sats sometime.
find a way to work out and play sports when i have time.
also my ap biology teacher is starting a new chapter possibly on monday so i will have to soon split up twenty pages again to take notes on

next week, there is a four day weekend, thurs and friday no school for teachers’ convention, but i will probably spend my time doing the other 40 pages from ap biology (2 chapters) if we get to them.

here’s a computer program that i have done (i use a computer program called “eclipse ganymede” to run them. i can’t code at home since my computer doesn’t support that version of “eclipse” that is now available.

Temperature Conversion

//scanner object reads keyboard inputs
import java.util.Scanner;

//name of program
public class Convert
{
//put in source code to make program run
public static void main(String [] args)
{
//tells complier where to find specifications for class
Scanner reader = new Scanner(System.in);
//program will use two numeric variables called fahrenheit and celsius
double fahrenheit;
double celsius;
//declares that the program will use variable number in fahrenheit
System.out.print(“Enter degrees Fahrenheit:”);
//reader object responds to message nextDouble by waiting for the user to type in a number
fahrenheit = reader.nextDouble();
//converts celsius into fahrenheit
celsius = (fahrenheit-32.0)*5.0/9.0;
//shows the words in quotes
System.out.print(“The equivalent in Celsius is “);
//shows the equivalent value in celsius
System.out.println(celsius);

}
}

i don’t have an inner bully in me this week, but i am quite nervous and strained. i am falling behind slightly in java b/c i can’t concentrate when the classmates are too loud. i need to complete 24 pages of notes for ap biology by thurs. which is the exam and i need to find time to study in between. i am learning new things in ap calc about max. and mins and they aren’t too bad, but with all of the things going on in my life, i can’t help but feel a bit overwhelmed at having to deal with new material. i have a u.s history ii test either friday or monday. i’m going to study for sats on jan 5 (changed date) this month. i just hope i don’t fail this semester b/c everything seems out of place and i seem to be falling behind on so many things. also i need to check the status of my financial aid things for college and possibly send in the NJSTARS thing since i’m top 15% for a scholarship. i always have the same recurring dream when i’m stressed and it’s always a dream about me being lost in a swamp and having leeches on me draining me and no matter how many leaches i pull off, there are more that come on. the leeches however get washed away when i’m standing in a waterfall and the fast current just blasts them off.

7:05 here and it is downpouring like crazy, it was surprising;)

i agree that the spiritual is the science that hasn’t been explained, but the two are quite related to one another. before science we had religion and philosophy to explain the world. i like philosophy better b/c i admire socrates and plato. socrates was the person who questioned he idea whether people are puppets of the gods or not and he got into trouble with the athenian government, but his ideas were quite cool. i like greek history b/c it is intriguing and cool. out of philosophy came science b/c philosophy is people thinking about how the world works. rene descartes was a philosopher and he developed rationalism which lead people to seek actual reasons for occurrence and not explain them with gods/goddesses. science is great in its development of medicine and people living longer, but science is also corrupt as well. pharmaceuticals keep people on drugs to make money for some diseases that have cures if you eat healthy or keep yourself healthy. genetics allows you to change you child’s genes, which could be good or bad. it could be good to avoid any disorders the child has, but it would be bad as in the case of eugenics when you get the genes you want and create your child. i think that is a bit corrupt b/c you are changing the genes in your child to make them out compete other peoples, it’s like the saying “the rich gene pool gets richer and the poor get poorer.” we are learning about maximums and minimum of a function and the trig functions, radicals and absolute values still get me esp. the ones where you have to use a product rule. i hope my poems cheer you up, thanks for printing them:) currently i am about done with ch. 8 on metabolism for ap biology and have 40 more pages to go for ch. 9 and 10. i have to allocate my time so i can study them for the two hour exam on wednesday. my inner bully has been annoying lately and saying “you will never get your notes done in time, also you are a bad time manager, you’re getting fat by studying too hard and not really working out.” i have been working out during the weekdays for 20 minutes and spending the weekends studying. i usually work out for 30 minutes all week, so that is why my inner bully is being annoying. it keeps saying that since i’m not working out as much that i am a failure in both academics and athletics and that i should just give up b/c i am a pathetic person. i am sick of my inner bully, but i found another reason why it has shown up lately. remember the story i told you about how the inner bully was triggered by the guy being mean towards me for wearing a leotard and how it didn’t affect me until my junior year when another guy told me something mean? while i just walked away and lately i’ve been feeling guilty wondering if i should have defended myself instead, would that have made me feel better? currently i have been helping people who are suicidal, depressed, bullied, lgtb, most of those who need a hand to stand up for themselves. i feel glad that i’m giving them a chance and teaching them to stand up for themselves, but i feel guilty that i just walked away when i was faced by myself with a bullying situation. i wish i could have that same courage for myself. the courage i use to help them defend themselves, but i’m not sure i have it. i will continue to make the inner bully physical and i will heal and smash that inner bully.

• This reply was modified 8 years ago by Janus.