Dear Anita

I talked with my college advisors Monday and they were very helpful in helping me plan my Spring semester classes so they would fit the transfer requirements. I also discovered that I have most of the requirements for Rutgers University- School of Engineering with my two Calculus classes, two biology classes, one Chemistry class (they told me only one was required for the program which is good because I thought I had to have two) and a physics class which I will take in the Spring semester. So most of my classes work for transferring and I managed to work Chemistry II into my Spring schedule so I can retake it for a better grade. I have sent in my current transcripts for Ocean County College to Rutgers University because I need to send them in so my application will be reviewed. I know that I listed as an additional note on my application that I will be retaking Chemistry II and graduating Spring semester so my transcripts aren’t complete so I want to appeal to the admissions department if the D that I received in Chemistry II in my Fall semester deters my application. I hope for the best and that if my application is deferred because of the D in Fall semester, I can appeal successfully by retaking the course in the Spring semester and submitting my full transcripts for admissions department to consider and hopefully I get admitted that way. My college advisors say that appeals take time and are quite intensive, but it is also a good way to allow the admissions department to know you better. Also it is often better that I get in without having to appeal because appeals can come with conditions. So since I just sent in my undergraduate transcripts for Ocean County College to Rutgers University, I’m still awaiting their reviewal of my application and the transcript. If I’m admitted, I will have to submit my completed transcript, but if my application is deferred because of the D in the Fall semester I have to appeal. Hoping for the best because all my other grades are good, my essay is good and I meet most of the class requirements. The one D does complicate things a bit with my application, but I’m hoping that it will be okay. Thank you for your encouragement and I’m glad to have you in my life. You’re an amazing person who always inspires me to be more positive and gives me courage to shine bright in darkness. May the new year bring you abundance and happiness.

Dear Anita

I have planned out my schedule for Spring 2019 semester (last full semester at Ocean County College) and working on taking summer Physics II and Calculus III so I will have enough credit requirements to transfer. I am currently working on my Rutgers application, the college essay prompt is to describe why you would be a good student at Rutgers and I am working on that. I listed four volunteer activities in my college application: Ocean Pride, NJSTARS, Environmental Club and also Math Tutoring. After the essay (which I am still drafting and revising), I have completed most of the application and will submit it. The deadline for transfer students is February 1st and students get notified of acceptance around May. After I have finished these tasks, I will work on the FAFSA. I think I will complete the FAFSA before I submit my college application because it will allow room for scholarships to open up based on my financial merit.

Scientists haven’t discovered a way to see if animals have gender dysphoria because most animals don’t have the gender presentations humans do. Also, animals don’t ‘self-mutilate’ their bodies to adapt to the environment.  Natural selection and evolution often play a factor on animal developments . Humans have the ability to reason and make decisions which leads to a more defined sense of self and gender identity which is different from animals who mostly take upon various traits to adapt to their environment and survive.  Most animals don’t know how to care for themselves with medicines and surgery like humans do. I don’t think even with the dexterity that a monkey’s fingers may have that a monkey could hold a vaccine and try to inject itself with the medicine. For starters, the vaccine may not be compatible with the monkey’s immune system and I don’t think the monkey would understand that the vaccine is helpful and not harmful because it would be able to comprehend the pain rather than the benefits because of cognition differences between humans and animals. Animals may not express gender dysphoria or a defined sense of gender identity and most don’t ‘self-mutilate’ themselves to have a specific body form. Mutations can be risky to a species’ survival out in nature, so it is often in nature’s interests to favor the traits that may help aid survival. If animals had their basic needs met, perhaps they could have a sense of self-worth and identity like humans because if they didn’t have to search for food and water, it may allow for higher cognition to take place and for them to develop reasoning power. But if all animals had the same reasoning power, there would not be competition and competition is important in helping regulate species. If a tiger had the same intellect as a human and since the tiger is a carnivore, it may be bad for the human who wants to hunt animals because the animals will be able to anticipate each others’ moves and it wouldn’t be possible to figure out who would be better off. It would be difficult to kill the tiger because of its new intellect, but it would also pose a problem for humans because the animal populations would like rise to large numbers because of their intellect and many will try to fight for dominance but each one will be able to anticipate the other that there wouldn’t be a species that would rise to the top and help control the populations and things would go wrong.

Since humans have a higher level of cognition, mental health is important to them. An individual may be physically healthy, but have mental health issues that result that can lead to physical problems like depression and illness. Since humans have the ability to reason and also create new inventions that can advance medicine, it is important for humans to have ways to improve their sense of well-being in life. Humans don’t have to chase their food like animals do, so the basic needs of food and shelter are met. Food, water and shelter are things humans can obtain relatively easily because of their high intellect. With these basic needs met, they can develop higher cognitive functions such as a sense of identity and self-esteem. Since mental well-being is important because humans think with their minds, sometimes mental unrest is a reason why humans seek medicine to help them with their well-being. People are motivated to move towards pleasure and away from pain, which includes emotional pain. The development of higher cognition in humans allows people to be self-aware of themselves and construct gender identities that can help organize the world, making it easier to navigate and less complex. The reason why society has gender is to help make it easier to classify humans. Instead of referring to humans with one term and trying to work out the differences, scientists try to separate humans based on similarities in appearance and behaviors. Scientists like to use a binomial classification system so the designation of humans into male and female based on their physical appearance (biological sex)  is developed, but it is society that gives people their sense of gender identity. Society likes to place certain behaviors as male or female because it makes it easier to classify people and it gives people a sense of where they belong. Humans like having a sense of belonging and self-worth because if there other lower needs are met, they will want to feel like they are appreciated in the world. This is why many people have such strong emotional attachments to values of society that may affect their emotional and mental well-being. Some people over time may discover that they do not fit into the societal behaviors attributed to gender identity and they may feel gender dissonance which is a feeling that the behaviors a person portrays is not what society expects of them. For example, a person who was born biologically sexed female may be expected by society to present a gender identity of female, but the person may not want to be that way, that person is not conforming to societal expectations of how they should behave and they are exhibiting gender dissonance. However, if an individual feels extreme discomfort over their biological sex and also hates the societal expectations of how they should present their gender identity because they were born female, that person is experiencing gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria often leads to depression and a sense of feeling like you are in the wrong body, but gender dissonance often leads to people exploring creative ways of self-expression. Many transgender people have gender dysphoria because their bodies do not match the gender identity they feel on the inside and they often feel extreme discomfort over their bodies. Gender dysphoria causes many transgender people to have a shaky sense of mental well-being that leads to depression and may cause them to have unhealthy ways to cope as they try to make their bodies look like the gender identity they want. Transgender people, although they transcend societal expectations of gender with their behavior, they are still limited by society. They want to express themselves as the gender identity they wish to be seen as and find a sense of who they truly are, but they are also constricted by society because people feel the need to belong and be accepted. An individual may believe in themselves, but they also need society to validate their identity so they can feel like they are part of something. People want others to accept them so they feel like there is a person who cares and it’s not only them feeling this way. We want to express our individuality, but we also want to be part of a group so people are often conflicted within themselves. It is especially hard for transgender people because they do not fit societal expectations of gender, but part of social transitioning is allowing others to see you as the opposite gender and hoping others validate you even though you are different.

In general, a transgender person is an individual who feels like their birth sex doesn’t match their gender identity. Gender dysphoria is often a feeling that results from the confusion, pain and sadness a person feels because they are struggling with their gender identity. Gender identity is more of a noun, a sense of how or who a person believes themselves to be: male, female, neither or both. Whereas gender dysphoria is more of an adjective to describe how people feel when they feel like they dislike their gender identity. Gender dissonance is also more of an adjective because it describes people who have gender expressions/ behaviors that are different from societal expectations. The difference between gender dissonance and gender dysphoria is that people who have gender dissonance are comfortable with their bodies, but enjoy expressing gender behaviors different from societal expectations whereas in gender dysphoria, a person feels extreme insecurities about their body and may want to change it because it doesn’t represent their gender identity. Transgender people who seek to change their bodies often experience a more positive mental well-being after medical transitioning. Since most transgender people experience intense gender dysphoria, many find it important to undergo surgery to help them feel like they are truly living. Although, not all transgender people decide to medically transition, many do. For those transgender people who don’t medically transition, they are often more comfortable with their bodies than the transgender people who want to transition. Those transgender people may be content to live their lives expressing the opposite gender without medically transitioning because they feel more of the feelings of gender dissonance. Transgender is an adjective to describe people whose gender identities differ from their birth sex and there are two types of transgender people: transgender male and transgender female. Both transgender males and females have various ranges of discomfort with their bodies, some may experience mild gender dissonance while others may experience intense gender dysphoria. A transgender male is a person who is biologically female, but has a gender identity of male while a transgender female is a person who is biologically male but has a gender identity of female.

Thank you so much Anita for helping me better understand who I am as a person. Talking with you helps me better understand myself. It’s great learning new things and hearing your advice. I think talking with you helps me better understand the framework of my thoughts and also allows me to question the perceptions I have which in turn allows me to break free from the stereotypes of society that limit me as I become more aware in my knowledge and exploration of gender identity. I think the more I delve into myself and talk things over, the more clarity I have about who I am and I realize that I am worth more than the stereotypes of society. I want to be healthy and not try to fit into a box of what society defines to be male or female. It is difficult though because I enjoy being male and I want society to accept me as male so sometimes I have to adopt the behaviors that make me appear more masculine so people will validate me as male. But I do not want to be constrained by the societal stereotypes and try to fit into them so much that I start to lose who I am as a person. Having a sense of belonging and acceptance is important, but also knowing that I shouldn’t sacrifice myself to become a person that I’m not just to fit into societal expectations of masculinity is a relief. It makes me feel like I’m developing my inner strength and although I still hear the inner critic and gender dysphoria, I feel much stronger than I have been in the past few months. I want to live and heal. I may have broken pieces, but that’s what makes life worthwhile. It’s the journey to pick up the broken pieces and work on the puzzle to become whole that allows you to find a sense of self, improve and grow as a person.

Also thank you so much Anita for your advice. I like your idea of how to respond to people who question my gender identity. Thank you for being here for me and for helping me better understand myself and the life’s road that I travel on. Gender is a interesting topic that I have been exploring for a while since the started questioning my gender identity. I wasn’t sure about myself at first but being in college and meeting other LGBTQA students has allowed me to realize how my experiences mirror their experiences. Some of my transgender friends that have transitioned are happier with their lives. I met a transgender male who has transitioned already and he looks amazing. He has been on testosterone and has had top surgery. Lots of my transgender male friends struggled with eating disorders as they tried to make themselves look more masculine. I have a transgender male friend who has to take a semester off from school because his anorexia made his health really bad and he had to take time to heal. I’ve heard that many transgender people have eating disorders because they are trying to find a way to cope with the overwhelming dysphoria in their minds by finding a way to control their bodies and controlling their weight makes them feel in control of themselves sometimes. Other ways transgender people cope with the dysphoria are to dissociate themselves from their bodies and feel like they are looking through a glass at their bodies- from a distance on the outside looking in. This mutes the inner critic that they have that tells them that they don’t look like the gender identity that they present because it makes it feel like they are filtering their thoughts through a film and they are watching themselves as if they were watching a movie, not really there. The dissociation helps transgender people feel like they can escape their bodies and view it from a distance so the inner critic doesn’t feel like it’s pounding in their heads. This creates a lucid-numbness that makes the person feel like they aren’t really there. The dissociation from themselves is only temporary and they are still aware of their selves. They know that an emotional trigger will cause the film that they placed over themselves to shatter like glass and the words of the inner critic to flood in cutting like the shards of broken glass. And the lucid-numbness fades and they feel like there heart yearns for the gender they want to be, but their mind is going against them. Their heart feels like it is being constricted by rubber bands that the mind puts on them. The transgender person feels in their heart the gender they want, but it is hard to believe it when there mind seems to overanalyze things and go against them. Transgender people often feel like that they aren’t really living in their life as they are constantly at war with themselves. This is why many transgender people seek hormones and surgery to help them live their lives feeling more like they are alive and making them feel more comfortable with themselves. Transitioning is a relative term for transgender people in the LGBTQA community. Generally, transitioning for transgender people means any action that asserts the gender identity that they wish to present. Medical transitioning involves hormones and surgery, legal transitioning involves legal name change and gender marker changes. And social transitioning, which is often the first process involves telling family/friends about gender identity, dressing in the clothes of the gender they want to be seen as, telling people to use their preferred name and pronouns, doing things that help them appear as the gender they want, and also talking to a therapist ( this can also fit under medical transition as well). Regardless of which stage a transgender person is in- social, medical or legal- they are still valuable and deserve to be recognized for their preferred gender because they go through a lot of hardships and depression that can cause them to have self-destructive behaviors. Often transgender people feel happier after they have had a medical transition because they feel their bodies now match with their gender identity and it makes them feel like they have a sense of self as the gender dysphoria fades and they appreciate their bodies more. Medically and legally transitioning can help transgender people lead more productive lives and help them have a better sense of mental well-being.

Dear Anita

Thank you for being insightful and helping me work on maintaining a positive well-being. Sometimes when people tell me how to present masculinity I feel like I’m being placed into stereotypes of masculinity and I don’t like that. I want to be happy being myself and presenting my gender identity in a way that feels right for me and when people give me ideas on how to be more masculine, I feel conflicted. On one hand, I feel grateful that they are acknowledging that I want to present masculine and helping me, but on the other hand I feel like they are silently judging me and my inner critic starts to think maybe I’m not masculine enough which is why they are giving advice. The chest binder helps hide my chest and the season being winter I can put layers on that hide the bumps that the chest binder sometimes doesn’t cover. I feel intense dysphoria over my chest and especially in the summer months it fills me with a sense of overwhelming emotional pain because I don’t have as many layers to cover up my body and I feel more exposed. Also wearing a chest binder limits the body’s movement, so you can’t bend your body as freely as you want sometimes. But it’s better than the intense dysphoria that makes me what to destroy the parts of me that seem feminine and don’t belong. I think that’s why I became anorexic because I wanted to have a flatter chest and look more masculine.  Gender dysphoria in of itself is a strong sense of discomfort with your body. Some people experience gender dysphoria because their body is going through changes as they mature and it’s not uncommon to feel insecure about oneself during this time. However sometimes gender dysphoria lasts longer than the the times of adolescence and goes into young adulthood. These individuals that have gender dysphoria still feel uncomfortable with their bodies. Along with the feelings of insecurities with their bodies, they may wish to change parts of themselves to lessen the insecurity because it has persisted for a while. Over time as the feelings seem to persist and may become overwhelming people may question their gender identity. When a person begins to have intense dysphoria that makes them question their gender identity and makes them wonder if there are parts of them that don’t belong then they will start trying to figure out how to present themselves in a way that lessens the gender dysphoria. During this time, individuals may play with their gender and also work on various ways to express different gender identities and they may find that a specific gender identity feels more right for them. As they explore ways trying to understand their gender dysphoria, they begin to discover that there are gender identities that make them feel more comfortable about themselves. People are born with a biological sex of female or male. Females produce eggs and males produce sperm and females can reproduce. That is biological sex. Biological sex is what a person is born as, while gender is the sense of being female or male. Scientists like to label things using a binomial classification system to make things easier to classify. Many of our species have two names on the biological hierarchy, each species has a “genus” and “species” classification to make it easier to figure out what species they are. Likewise, our human classification is “Homo Sapiens” which means “wise human.” Biological sciences like to classify things into two groups because it makes it easier to identify the species which is why we have female and male for humans to distinguish between the biological sex of humans. Biological sex is different  from gender identity. A person may be classified with a biological sex as female because they have the physical features of a female and can reproduce, but their gender identity  is how they feel in their minds. Scientists classify a person’s sex as female or male based on their biological nature and that is part of the binary binomial classification system because there are two classifications: male and female based on biological appearance. Yet, scientists have discovered that some people have gender identities that don’t match their biological sex. Some people may be classified as female when they are born based on their biological nature, but their minds may have a gender identity that is male. When gender identity doesn’t match the biological sex, scientists call the person transgender. Gender is not a binary thing, but society makes it seem like it is binary because we often confuse gender with biological sex. Gender is a sense of being male, female, both or neither. The reason why gender seems so binary is that  people tend to view the people they are attracted to in terms of male and female. People have an innate desire to connect with others and form relationships and having a binary classification system with male and female makes it easier for people to figure out who they are sexually attracted to. Natural selection allows species that are better adapted to their environment to survive longer and reproduce. Since biological females can reproduce and males need a partner to reproduce with, nature has caused the designation of the attraction between males and females. Since most of our population is heterosexual and people are attracted to the opposite sex because of reproductive success natural selection has favored the idea of males and females. Since sexual attraction and the perpetration of our species is important for people, this is why the biological designation of male and female exist. The two biological sexes Male and female allow scientists to understand how humans are different from one another and allows them to classify them according biological nature based on reproductive ability. However, gender identity is influenced by society and also an individual’s sense of who they are. Society causes people question their gender lots of times. Sometimes society will label a behavior as male or female and it causes people to question their inner nature whether if they act this way does it make them seem more masculine or feminine. Some people will question themselves because they may be biologically female, but their behavior seems to be male and that makes them wonder about their gender identity. Gender is a societal constraint and it causes people to question who they are. The societal expectations of gender change based on different environments and views. Many people learn the expectations society has for their gender based on what others see as their physical appearance or what is present as the characteristics of biological sex. If a person is born female, society expects the person to have gender aspects of female. But the gender of people changes as they work on finding themselves and begin to not think that the biological appearance of who they are how they should act. People play with gender a lot as they try to find a way to present themselves that makes them feel comfortable which is why gender is not binary but a spectrum . As people mature, they may experience gender  dysphoria because their bodies are changing and they may feel insecure about themselves. The gender dysphoria is common and usually fades with emerging adulthood. But in some cases, the gender dysphoria does not go away and becomes intensified as a person matures. The person struggling with gender dysphoria starts to question their gender identity and begins to explore ways to lessen the discomfort. As they explore their gender, they may find that they are more comfortable with another gender. When a person feels like the gender that they are more comfortable with presenting differs from their biological sex and they want to express themselves as that gender, these people are called transgender. Many transgender people have intense gender dysphoria that lasts long and doesn’t fade away. The dysphoria is often more overwhelming tha than a person who has some gender dysphoria over their body. The transgender person feels an overwhelming sense of gender dysphoria that makes them feel like they are in the wrong body. Some people who experience gender dysphoria feel  discomfort over their bodies, but over time  they learn to accept it and most people often just feel insecure about a part of their bodies. For transgender people, the gender dysphoria causes to feel more than just mere discomfort over their bodies, instead they feel like there are parts of their body that don’t belong to them. The reason they feel this way is because there are parts of their body that they feel don’t correspond to  their gender identity. Many transgender people suffer from intense dysphoria because they want their bodies to match the gender identity they feel on the inside.  The reason why many transgender people seek hormones and gender affirming surgery is to help them feel happier with their bodies. Hormones have their side effects such as mood changes, appetite changes, possible cancer risk but transgender people seek hormones to help them with their mental well-being. Surgery  requires  recovery time, but if it helps make life more meaningful than it’s important for transgender people to  get the surgery. Most transgender people are aware of the risks of hormones and surgery, but they feel it is necessary for their mental health to go through the procedures. I have talked to a doctor about taking testosterone hormones and the risks seem scary, but what’s  more depressing is that I feel so dysphoric in my body and the physical changes testosterone will wrought in my  body will make me feel more masculine and improve my quality of life.

Dear Anita

I have some plastic protector files that can be used to organize notes. I have labeled them by section: “Now, later and Way-later.” Thank you so much for your advice. I moved some shelves around my room and there is more space in my room so I feel like I’ve reduced some clutter. It is easier to have most notes on paper rather than online because the screen hurts my eyes after staring at it too long. It does reduce the paper clutter though which is why the may do it with some notes and get a darker background for the screen and rest myself between periods. I wish you luck with your inner critic. The thing is that while organizing my notes, I imagine I’m reducing the clutter of negative thoughts that the inner critic puts in my mind and the more space I have in my room equates to my visualization of mental clarity. I wish that I didn’t have to worry about my body not looking masculine enough. You are very insightful and accurate in your assessment of my words and I admire your understanding nature and compassion Anita. Thank you for being here for me and listening. I am grateful to have a friend like you whose advice always helps me better understand myself. Sometimes I feel like my chest binder (technical term, but it feels like a chest brace as you said because it is quite tight and sometimes it’s hard to move with it on) doesn’t make my chest flat enough and it makes me feel dysphoric. At times I resent having to wear a chest binder because putting it on in the morning makes me feel like I’m only just hiding my chest and even though the chest binder flattens my chest, it still gives me the insecurity that I’m only hiding something I hate and it makes me feel like I’m not masculine enough because while the world may see the flat chest, I know I’m wearing a chest binder to make it flat. The chest binder helps with the dysphoria, but also makes me feel like I’m less masculine sometimes because I don’t have a flat chest, I have a chest binder that makes it flat and then this is where dysphoria comes in again and I’m wondering if my chest binder hides my chest well enough. I feel more comfortable when people refer to me as a guy without questioning it because sometimes I will have people wonder about my gender identity and ask me which makes me feel uncomfortable. If I tell them I’m transgender, they feel embarrassed for asking or they look at me oddly and then treat me differently (they are still respectful of my gender identity, but they will start to judge me by telling me that if I present male, I should be able to do this or that and I am grateful that they teach me more ways to be more masculine but also feel annoyed/dysphoric because it feels like the way I am presenting isn’t masculine enough for them) . If I tell them I’m a guy, it doesn’t evoke much comment except my own insecurity will think I didn’t tell them the truth. Which is why I feel conflicted at times. It is better when people accept me as a guy without question so I don’t feel like I’m having a conflicted mass of emotions if people ask me my gender identity. My friends have decided to take time for themselves. So they have turned the time I can’t hang out with them into time for them to relax. We check on each other and help encourage each other every now and then to do well and to let them know that we are here for each other. I told my friends that I appreciate having them in my life and told them my schedule for this semester and it’s a good thing because it  allows them to know when I’m available and when I can hang out. I told them that I care about them and will hang out with them as much as my schedule allows. I want them to enjoy their lives as well and take some time for themselves when I’m busy. I appreciate them for being here for me and will help them when they need it. It’s working out with my friends after talking with them and listing the assignments that I have done for this semester because it allows them to gain perspective that I care about them, but my assignments need to be done first. I will still respond to friends who email/text/message me and let them know I’m here for them and that I will give them advice as soon as possible or if they need a hug I’ll give them one now.

Also watching those people who overcame their struggles makes me feel more confident about myself and motivates me to express myself and challenge the stereotypes. I am working on adopting a mindset “As long as I’m improving myself each day and enjoying the moment, that’s what matters in life. I don’t have to be a certain expectation and it’s okay to fail sometimes. Sometimes just holding things together is the best that someone can do.” And this gives me hope because it lessens the burden on me to try to find how to express myself so others will see my gender identity. Although I do want others’ appreciation, I have started to not really care about their approval because I just want to be happy being me. My parents are still unaccepting of my gender identity but I’m not going to let that limit me from being myself. I think I am going to work on releasing myself from the expectations of what masculinity is and find my own self and how to present my gender identity without being burdened with societal expectations. I struggled with crippling dysphoria about my chest not being flat enough to look masculine for a long time, but after hearing other transgender males’ stories on YouTube about their struggles and how they mirror my own I feel less alone and I find that I can be healthy and do the little things that make me feel happy about myself. I don’t want to use anorexia to make myself look like I have a flatter chest because that just makes my health worse and it’s such a burden because the inner critic is telling me how I’m not flat enough to fit societal expectations of being masculine. I want to be healthy and I don’t want to ruin my health trying to please the inner critic or fit into expectations of what masculinity should be. I don’t want the burden of expectations anymore and I am working on embracing myself for my flaws and it feels like a relief. Each day I try to think of something good about myself or something I can do to make myself feel worthwhile and I do it. It can be something as simple as lifting a heavy load and feeling strong or feeling the wind blow my short hair in directions and being grateful for my short hair. I try to make the little things matter that eases my insecurities and I find myself cracking a smile every now and then. Sometimes my smile will help someone else who is stressed and it lights a fire in my heart to see how the little things sometimes can make much difference for me or others. It is not always easy and some days I still feel like I have fallen into the hole of dysphoria and those days I just take time off and focus on myself. I can’t think of anything else because of the pounding in my head telling me that I’m not mad enough and I’ll cry at times. Some days I have to let the rain wash away the illusions of myself so I can allow the rainbow of my true self to shine on the other days at full brightness. I want to be happy being myself and I feel more hopeful that I’m on that path. I do feel bad that I don’t have time to hang out with friends as much as I wish, but I want to focus on myself more. I am graduating Spring 2019 semester and have to submit my application to transfer to Rutgers University- New Brunswick before February 1st. I still have time, but I have to pace myself because I also will be spending winter break December 21st-January 22nd preparing for my Spring semester classes and reviewing some material. I like your advice Anita about not making plans that I’m not sure if I can make. I have been wondering how to know what things I should devote my attention to other than school.

I love learning about the human body because it makes me more aware of myself and I am fascinated at the functions each structure has. I take lots of notes for all my classes to help me understand the material. The only annoying thing about lots of notes is when they accumulate in your room and you have to adjust different pieces to make space for the notes. Most of my room has school notes and books I read. I am trying to find ways to reduce the clutter. If you have any ideas of how to preserve notes and reduce clutter, I welcome them. Also another thing I’m wondering is “How do I know I’m not being selfish to me friends when I tell them I can’t hang out because I have to do school work?” Sometimes my friends think I don’t spend enough time with them. I have started a schedule where I allocate time for friends and studies daily but my friends think I don’t spend enough time on them. Also when I have to cancel plans to hang out because of upcoming tests, I feel bad. My friends tell me that they know I’m busy, but that I spend too much focus on knowledge. Sometimes I feel bad I don’t really belong to my friends group because a lot of them like pop culture (movies, music, games) and I don’t know much about that. Sometimes when I’m around my friends who like pop culture, we try to find common interests but I feel like I take a logical scientific approach to many things and they often talk about things that they experience through media and pop culture. Sometimes I feel like I’m not really sure if I can connect with my friends in a conversation so I don’t really talk. So another question is “How do I tell my friends that I respect their interests in pop culture, but don’t really know much of it and don’t really know what to say?” I think I’m afraid that they will see me as dumb if I try to them that I don’t really know much about pop culture. Also I think that I don’t play games or watch movies much is because I’m busy studying. Sometimes you wonder if I’m too serious as a person because my friends can joke more than I can. If the have any advice, hope to hear from you. Thank you Anita and take care of yourself!

Dear Anita

Thank you for giving me hope and courage to combat my inner critic. I have started to take more time for myself. I’m less stressed because I have more time for myself and can complete school work on time. I’ve told my friend to wants me to help her with the wiccan site this: “Currently just helping provide ideas for the site rather than actively participating because of my school work. Hope the ideas help. I will likely be able to take a more active role in the site when winter break starts December 21st-January 22nd and I have no classes. I enjoy being friends with you and will help you through your struggles. Don’t worry about things and take time for yourself. It helps release stress and I’ll be here for you, I may not always reply quickly, but I care about you and appreciate you.”