Dear Anita

Thank you for your insightful advice that encourages me each day. I have twenty professionals listed in the genetics field that I am thinking of reaching out to. I have reached out to seven so far for my career class project and I have heard from two of them. One of them was a former student at Stockton University and is now studying genetics, stem cells and neuroscience at Rutgers University medical school. They are quite busy with their research studies, but they said they might contact me sometime this upcoming week by phone, so I hope for the best. Another person is a geneticist at Rutgers University as well and they are a teacher there and they said that they will call me on Thursday 10/24/19 to talk about genetic research. In the meantime, I am doing research about the genetics field and thinking of questions that I might want to ask. I have been looking at resources in the library databases and also requested some library books to gain more knowledge. There are two professors at Stockton University that allow students to study with them in lab research that I want to reach out to as well so I can gain more knowledge about how scientific research works. Hope that you are well and blessings in the week ahead.

Dear Anita

The more I am at Stockton University, the more I feel relaxed in the atmosphere there. The atmosphere is quiet and peaceful on campus and it makes a great place to study. There are positivity rocks- rocks painted by students for mental health awareness with positive messages that are placed by the sides of the walkways on campus and reading the messages on the positivity rocks is very uplifting. Hearing the birds while walking around campus and also seeing the beautiful colors of fall leaves on the trees helps me destress after classes. At first, I felt a bit lonely on campus because it was very quiet and the students don’t talk much, but after exploring it more, I enjoyed the peace of it and started exploring the woods and lake around the campus and it made me feel connected to nature. I feel like with each day that I am on campus, I am working on relaxing myself and connecting to the nature around me. My Stem Cells class was talking about how different religions view stem cell and scientific research today and I learned a lot. Some things that I learned were: Buddhism is walking the path towards enlightenment and if research helps improve health and mental well-being so the person can work on walking the path towards enlightenment then stem cell research and other scientific research is good. However, there is karmic influences for specific actions such as using embryonic stem cells to treat diseases. Even though this is good research, it prevents the embryo from developing into a human being because the cells are taken from the embryo in the early stage of the blastocyst and the embryo isn’t given a chance to develop, so there is slightly negative effects there, but overall the research is positive if the stem cells helps treat disease. So Buddhism sees stem cell research as mostly positive because it can help treat diseases, but it is also important to consider the karmic effects of taking living cells and working with them. The Muslim faith was also very interesting: Muslims think that stem cell and other scientific research if it helps protect the life of people and make those who are vulnerable strong, then it is good. In the Muslim view, in certain cases when the health of an individual is harmed and stem cells can help, then the health and wellbeing of the person trumps over the status of the embryo because the embryo only has a potential to develop and hasn’t developed yet, but the other person is vulnerable and suffering and if stem cells can save their life, then the research is okay. Catholics and Christians are generally opposed to stem cell research because it undermines the status of the embryo and they think that taking the cells from embryos to treat diseases is destroying human life, but they are okay with using stem cells from adults such as bone marrow transplants to treat diseases. The Catholic/Christian view is that the cells have the potential to develop into a human being and stopping the growth and using the cells is unethical, but taking stem cells from an adult that can give consent and doing a bone marrow transplant to help treat diseases is okay. They generally oppose using stem cells from embryos, but are okay with using them from adults. Wiccans don’t really have much of an opinion on stem cell research and other scientific research, their main motto is “If it harm none, do what you will.” They think that if scientific research helps understand the nature and fosters more meaningful knowledge then it is helpful. Since stem cells taken from the embryo stop the embryo from developing into a human being, some Wiccans think that this does some potential harm to the embryo, but they also consider the benefits of it and if it helps people more then they won’t argue against it.

Learning about how some religions viewed scientific research was very insightful and helped me gain a better perspective about different views in the world which expanded my mental horizons.

My Career class is having students work on exploring their career paths. Students have an assignment to look for professionals to connect with in their career fields so that they can learn about their career path. Since my career path interest is genetics, I have searched for some genetic researchers in New Jersey that I have sent emails to some asking them about the tasks of being a genetic researcher. I sent seven emails so far and have heard from one genetic counselor who says they can talk about things in a phone conversation next Thursday at 1pm. I hope that this career class and the career research project with its assignments will help me gain more insight into genetics research. I might be able to better understand the educational process and see if there are other scientific research fields that I can go into. Currently I am working on establishing a meditation practice that helps me feel more grounded in the day. I hope that with consistent meditation practice I can develop more mental clarity about my life’s purpose. I know that I want to transition to be a guy and it is important to be financially independent and the other things are the pieces that I am working on. I also enjoy nature and Buddhist Wicca is a spirituality that fits me, so I feel like I am working on the puzzle of myself. I feel like that the only goal I have in life that is consistent and that I want to achieve is the goal of living a life of purpose. I want to feel like I am truly living and not just going through the motions of life and that’s what’s difficult sometimes because I wonder what it is that would make me feel like I was truly living and it makes me get lost in quiet reflections about myself. I start to think about the pieces of myself and my life so far and wonder about it and I start to think if I truly lived at all and I think about who I have become now. Sometimes in those moments of quiet reflection, the only pieces that seem to fit and make me feel like if I achieve them will make me feel fulfilled is transitioning, building a steady Buddhist wiccan practice and connecting with nature and science. However I doubt the science part sometimes, but the Buddhist wiccan and transitioning I don’t doubt at all because when I think about them it feels like there is a part of me that is being filled with positivity when I am progressing with them.

Hope you are having a good week and blessings to you in all your goals!

• This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by Janus.
• This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by Janus.

Dear Anita

Thank you so much for your insightful advice and your inspiration that helps encourage me to keep hope during the difficult times. I am grateful to have a friend like you. I hope that my career path will allow me to be financially independent and also give me a chance to support the transitioning costs. I enjoy writing positive inspiration to help uplift people and I think that it would be cool if I could write some poems of inspiration for the LGBTQ community to help those who are struggling. Hope you have a good week ahead. I wrote a positivity poem

Positivity poem Rap

May blessings of abundance light the way to help you through the stresses of your days. May your heart be light and there be strength in the dark times to help you shine bright. May each day bring you new hope for your goals and encouragement to help you nourish your soul. During the difficult times and when you feel like you’ve lost your spirit and feel like you want to quit, remember that you can get through it. Take the mud of the doubts and use them as the ground to establish your roots and grow because you are worth more than your doubts will ever show, so don’t let your flaws get you down, you are a special person and you can kick those doubts out of town. Sending positive energy your way, may you have the chance to heal and become better each day

Dear Anita

Thank you so much for your advice. I withdrew from Organic Chemistry and feel much less stressed. The financial aid scholarship of 1,000 was lost when I became a part-time student. I am not sure if the scholarship will be reapplied if I become fulltime again in the Spring semester. I have a feeling that the scholarship may have been moved to the Spring semester since I checked my financial aid status and it only shows the 1,000 deducted from the fall semester, but not the Spring semester. So I am thinking when I become more adjusted to Stockton University’s campus, I may resume full-time status again and I think that my scholarship will be reapplied for the Spring semester. I am taking nine credits for the fall semester and getting involved on the campus. There are some great workshops that Stockton University offers, I recently attended a workshop that explained how to cope with school work anxiety and develop good study habits and I found it very insightful. The professor running the workshop today explained that some students when they reach higher level courses start to struggle with the material and since they struggle with the content some people will decide to give up the major that they worked so hard for and the professors at the college don’t want students to give up their hopes and dreams just because they struggle with a class so they are teaching students how to approach difficult courses and deal with anxiety. I find this helpful because I have been interested in science for quite a long time and there are some science courses that I struggle with that make me doubt whether I can become a scientist. However, listening to the professor talk about strategies to improve academic performance when a student is struggling and how they do not have to let a course make them doubt themselves made me feel better about myself because I have been doubting myself and my intelligence because I struggle with physics. But being in the workshop and listening to the professor’s advice helped me realize that a struggle in a class doesn’t have to change my entire major/ hopes and dreams of being a scientist and that there are resources to help me. So I feel more positive about myself after that workshop. Also I am part of Active Minds which encourages healthy habits such as healthy eating (I struggle with disordered eating because of my gender dysphoria and I find the support groups helpful), they also have meditations/yoga sessions that students can participate in that helps relieve stress. The campus is very LGBTQ friendly and the natural woods, lake, flowers and trees help uplift my spirits when I feel stressed. The library is very quiet and peaceful and a great place to study. If a student ever gets stressed while studying in the library, they can look out at the woods and feel more relaxed. I like the atmosphere of the campus because it helps me relax and there are many resources to help me with my studies. Hope you have a good rest of the week and blessings in your life.

I recently took a quiz on Chapter 1 in Organic Chemistry, wrote an essay for Stem Cells and Society and did two discussions (paragraph each for discussion questions) for my career class; this was in the first full week of school: 9/9/19-9/13/19. The fall semester started 9/4/19 and during that week the professors for my classes went over the syllabus, talked about assignments and guidelines for the school work and during the first full week of school (9/9/19- 9/13/19) was mostly school work.

Dear Anita

So I have decided to take Art History II and will be taking the class from June 26th-August 1st. I enjoy the class and the professor explains things quite well. She uses videos, writes notes on the board and also posts lecture notes online if a student missed anything in class. She reviews for exams and helps students understand the material. The class is a lot easier than physics. I will likely take physics at Stockton University when I enroll in the Fall semester after completing my Associate’s degree at Ocean County College. I was at the transfer orientation for new students on Thursday June 27th for Stockton University and they explained things quite well and I also registered for classes there. Currently my main focus is to do well in Art History II and graduate Ocean County College. I am also looking for housing options near campus when I head to Stockton University. The student move-in day for Stockton University is August 31st. I am also working on figuring out how to get my preferred name on my identification card for the college and I have submitted an application hoping to hear from them. Stockton University also requires immunization records which I am working on updating and will send to them. It is a bit annoying because the doctors that my health insurance company gave me that I called to schedule appointments to update the immunization records say that they don’t take the insurance even though the doctors were directly provided by the health insurance company and I just called the ones they gave me. So I am going to a clinic to get my immunization records updated so they will be ontime for my enrollment in the fall semester. It’s been quite busy these past few days, but it is exciting. Hope you are doing well and blessings in the week ahead!

Dear Anita

I think that getting an F in physics when it is an important class for my major may have a negative impact when other colleges see it. If I retake the class again in the fall and get a better grade, I may be able to appeal to the colleges and say that I had a bad semester where I struggled a lot. I feel worried that the F will ruin chances of getting into higher education because people have said that it can affect a students application into graduate schools. My GPA is a 3.8 and I think that the F will bring it down a lot but I hope that it won’t be too much. I do feel a bit anxious that this physics class is going to create a struggle for me in my scientific pursuits and career path. I feel a bit strained, but I am going to hope for the best. I will meditate and work on calming myself down. Physics is making me doubt myself and wonder about my life’s goals and I think that meditation has helped me bring some clarity. I don’t think things are going well now, but I can take steps to make them turn out okay.

Dear Anita

Hope you are doing well, thank you for  your encouragement that helps me through the difficult times. I think that the gender dysphoria was most prominent in high school, but I didn’t have the resources to understand what I was feeling. I managed to understand my feelings better in college after meeting the members of Ocean Pride LGBTQ at my college. I became aware that my feelings of discomfort over my body were symptoms of gender dysphoria in college. When I was in high school, I often felt like I didn’t belong in my body, that I wasn’t really female and I didn’t know how to describe this feeling of detachment from my body. The feelings intensified in junior and senior year of high school because I didn’t have many friends that year and had lots of AP classes and exams to prepare for. I felt really uncomfortable with my body and and I tried ways to make my chest flatter. I didn’t have a chest binder at that time, so I used Ace bandages and they were quite tight and at times I couldn’t breathe but they made me feel better about myself. During high school, I thought that the discomfort with myself was mostly due to stresses in school, so I studied long hours and tried to immerse myself in my school work hoping the discomfort would go away. But it seemed to get worse, I became afraid to go out in public places because I didn’t like my body. I would cross my arms over my chest to cover up and I started to not wear tight shirts. I did not like having a female body, my waist made me feel fat and I wanted muscles and I hated my chest. I also longed to cut my hair short, but my parents wouldn’t let me. I became quite depressed and started to become anorexic because I wanted to make my body look skinnier and reduce the curves. When college came around, I was around my parents a lot less and I cut my hair short and it made me feel happy. I also got a chest binder that didn’t bruise my ribs and that helped. Being part of Ocean Pride LGBTQ club, I learned a lot about myself and how I was feeling. The club members encouraged me to explore ways to express myself that made me feel more comfortable. The first semester of college, I was still finding myself and playing around with gender identity. I knew I didn’t feel feminine at all, so I decided to express masculine for a time and although it was difficult I discovered that I liked it a lot. As I began to explore myself and started to use male pronouns in my second semester, I started to feel like I could live as a male and be comfortable. It was during my third semester at Ocean County College that I started understanding myself and things began to fit together. I started going to Pride events and felt happy because I could just be myself and feel accepted. I met other people who were struggling with their gender identity and didn’t like their bodies and I found some of them that shared similar experiences. When I realized that I would prefer to live as a male and that it made me feel more comfortable, it felt like I had found a way to understand the discomfort that I felt towards my body and it made things seem clearer. I thought that understanding my emotions would help lessen the insecurity, but it has been difficult and there are times that understanding though a good thing makes me feel even more dysphoria because it makes me feel like I don’t belong in my body and it gives me a sense that I want it to change now.