Hello S,

First of all, I want to tell you that its very natural to feel pain, anguish, anger, sadness when one is abandoned, that too without any explanation. So, the best way to reduce those feelings is to accept it. Acceptance of being abandoned, rejected helps one to move forward. Why I am saying so because  almost everyone goes through this in her or his life. We all are human after all. Situation like these makes people more compassionate, wise and strong. If you could realise calmly then you could see that there’s a huge growth trajectory awaiting for you.

Now let me try to analyze whatever happend in your personal life.  Your bf broke up with you over a text  message. If I was at your place then I would have asked myself what is the root cause of my miseries  here

1. Is it that he broke up with me or,

2. Is it he did so over text message without giving any meaningful explanation.

If it the 2nd case then it basically  tells he is very unkind person. He was never serious in this relationship.  Because had he really cared forget love then he must have talked to you about it openly. It also shows that he wasn’t open to you i.e. he could not share you his true feelings maybe he had felt that there’s understanding problem between you both.  This also explains why he shared his one night stand with his friend but not you.

If its the 1st case then he must have some reasons for it like compatibility issue, family issue, he might be attracted to someone else etc. Since he is not completely open to you he might  not tell you the real reason.

And I am sorry to say so, but there might be another reason that he was never interested in you. He was just giving this relationship  a chance to see how things turn out. The outcomes were not as per his expectations  so he decided to quit.

Either way, what is important to realise is you cannot control how others behave or feel or think. If we keep on thinking about other’s  behavior then we are positioning ourself in a very powerless situation. Besides think about it, if he had done this after 2-3 years how you would have felt? Being with someone who is not equally emotionally  invested is a very painful feeling. There were many clues through which you could have observed his investment  e.g. he never introduced you with his friends and family, he asked you to move in and you complied. The real test of relationship  is when differences surface. When everything is convenient  then there’s no depth, be it relationship  in particular or life in general.

I would advice you dear to accept whatever happend. Find meaning in your life. Life is very unpredictable,  most of the things come and go without any  warning or explanation. It is better to be alone than to be with someone who is not sure about you. People easily hide their true feelings. There’s no use to fight them but to make oneself strong enough and rise above such situations.

With lots of love

Shelly