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greenshadeParticipantThanks you guys! It feels good be able to share these small victories because it makes them more real and legitimizes the struggle lol.
greenshadeParticipantHey cali sister!
Welcome to the journey. It is a big step and a HUGE act of self love : caring for yourself enough to get the help you need, investing time and money in your growth and healing so you are very right to feel proud and happy.
I have been in therapy for 7 months now. It is difficult at times, but I have my reward in that I am grounded, more able to be in the moment, have a clearer view of reality. It is also possible for me to feel joy now, which is something I had not felt for the past 3 years. I still have days when I am in a lot of emotional pain but I am better able to deal with it: to accept it as a part of life, to hold space for myself, to allow myself to express pain in an environment where I feel safe (this is usually not around other people lol).
If you would like please share your fears and any questions you have here at tiny buddha as and when they come up in therapy process, as well as communicating them to your therapist.
Good luck!
MgreenshadeParticipantHey Rebecca!
Thank you for genuinely caring for your patients and treating them with humanity. I work in health care settings and have also seen this callous attitude time after time. It is very difficult to not get caught up in the negativity. My one suggestion would be to find sources of inspiration (ie people behaving thoughtfully and compassionately) outside of your work environment to connect with in some way. It is easier to believe in something (in your case compassion) when you see others committing to it also.
Also if you need to find some compassion for your coworkers,maybe consider that you don’t know why they don’t have compassion: maybe they don’t know how to set boundaries and therefore are wary or maybe they were unfortunate enough to face negative consequences for their compassion and now avoid going there.M
greenshadeParticipantThank you Anita!
greenshadeParticipantHey veronica! DO you have an emotional response, such as sadness or anger, when the picture appears in your mind?
greenshadeParticipantHi anita!
What would be a way to deal with this? I am starting to understand where my behaviors are stemming from, but it becomes very frustrating when I still act in a way that is not beneficial for me. Does it get better over time and I should just learn to accept that this is how I will deal with situations for now?
Lov,
mgreenshadeParticipantHey inky, natalie, and anita thanks for replying!
Anita, yes I do relate to your experience sort of. Any change, good or bad, or any event at all could trigger a manic episode for my dad. So if I had schools exams they would trigger it, my birthday would trigger it, and he was most abusive during manic episodes so I dreaded any life event or change in routine . He was also very obsessive, so if I went to say a friends house he would call constantly, keep asking me what time I would be back, would give my mum a really hard time while I was out, mostly “why did you let her go, ask her to come back” just on repeat for hours on end. so I was always in trouble when I got back home even thou I rarely went out,came home before dinner, and my friends were all very clean cut. After a certain point I accepted that if went and had fun at my friends house I would have to pay for it when I got back home.
greenshadeParticipantHey Nina! Im still in the middle of my biggest challenge and I dont think I will ever be out of it. My biggest challenge is more of a goal I have set for myself and it is to stay grounded and in touch with reality no matter how anxious or depressed I feel (I suffer from both anxiety and depression and my coping mechanisms involve escaping my reality thru various non substance related means). Meditation has helped, journaling has helped. My anxiety often gets the better of me, and accepting that that is going to happen sometimes has helped too.
greenshadeParticipantHi thespencer.
“Looking back, I realize how silly it was but at the time it felt very real and genuine to me.”
It does not sound silly to me at all. It sounds like you had reason to hope for a future a together (your conversations) and therefore you did hope. I agree with Peter that you need to allow yourself to mourn this loss without judging your feelings. Cry, write angry letters, meditate, whatever you need to do to get in touch with your sorrow. Write what you liked about him, what you disliked, share it here if you like.
Since he is refusing to explain his behavior now you may never know what his true feelings were. But you do know that whatever his feelings, his actions towards you were hurtful. Thinking about his motivations will only serve to prolong the hope that you and him will get back together and is therefore a dangerous train of thought. Try to bring yourself back to the moment whenever you notice yourself starting to go down that route ( I know this is difficult to do, and hurts like crazy also).
Take care of yourself.
Love,
mgreenshadeParticipantHey guys! Thanks for replying!
I guess Im really not used to putting myself out there, and because I actively asked for this I feel like I dont deserve it and at the same time I am even more afraid of failure then I normally am lol!
The stepping toes thing was unintentional, someone thought I was questioning their authority while I was trying to learn from them.
Your replies really helped guys, reframe, prune my thoughts, and work. Thank you!greenshadeParticipantHi Jackie!
What are the other career options you have been considering? It may help to scale down, start developing your career interests as hobbies first. Once you have some experience and contacts within your field of interest then you may feel more secure about transitioning.
MgreenshadeParticipantArianas2017 Hi ! Im sorry you’re going through this, the one thing I can share is a random fact about indian culture; since the pictures specifically are bothering you. Indian photographers direct the pictures of the couples they are photographing; people who may not be emotionally close at all are photographed with their heads on each others shoulders, hugging or demonstrating affection. So the pictures are not necessarily demonstrative of a bond. The forehead kiss may not be an impulse, but just following the photographers direction. I hope you and your partner are able to move through this and come back to a place of trust
mgreenshadeParticipantHey anita!
thanks for your reply! Will definitely try to work on 1, I think I do need to do 2 ( at previous work place people used to acknowledge their mistakes, here this is obviously not the culture ), will think about 3, not sure if I am brave enough to do it.
Love,
mgreenshadeParticipantHey anita 🙂
I guess I assumed laughing about it was a form of venting? I wasn’t there when they were laughing about it, I walked in to the room while they were laughing about it, then they saw me and stopped.greenshadeParticipantHey Anita and Nina!
I apologize for the late reply,have been knocked out with the flu this week, much better now.
Anita: I guess I cynical and world weary doesn’t really describe it well. There are a lot of fights, a lot of people cutting corners which increases work for everyone else, camps where one group wont work with the other. Just making small things into unaccomplishable tasks for all of these reasons. Lots of snide remarks, and trying to pull each other down. This is my first experience of a work place, so I dont know if it is the culture that has developed here, or if other places are like this too.
Nina: I looove the concept of “grumpy grown-ups” .That is exactly what I feel like I am morphing into. Thank you so much also, for the list of inspiring things. Will start with about time I think! -
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