Hey Jojo

Sending a big, warm hug your way.

Please up your self care today as you need it more. Do things that will take you out of your mind and into your body, long bath, slow laid back yoga. Anything to break the flow of thoughts. This bad day will pass, and you will be standing on the other end, feeling much lighter soon. But while it is here, do whatever you need to make it easier for yourself.

Take care,

m

Hi Amy love!

“Many of these women blow me away with their empathy, wisdom, patience and smarts.” Why don’t you try and get to know some of the women you work with in a personal capacity? The two people I am closest to now are in a different age group from me, but our interests, world views and conversational interests match, so it works!

M

Hey Joe.

I have someone like this at work right now. He makes assumptions about me, questions my understanding, and directs political rants I have no interest in listening to at me even though I have asked him to stop.

I was (and am) very rattled by this man and can barely be in the same room as him. I questioned my response to him, and realized his way of putting me down reminded me of my father, which is why my reaction is as intense as it is. It is also why I give him more head space and thought time than he merits.

Do you think something similar may be happening with “Bill”?

Dear Nextsteps,

I really believe people can sometimes hold up a mirror showing us what we need in our own lives. Maybe this friend had to show you that could get to know yourself better, and act in a way where you acknowledge, express and try to meet your needs. Maybe you could list things that you really want to do or accomplish, think about what it is that attracts to you to those things, think about how you could practically do those things in day to day life. You could share it here if you want.

I agree with Anita that it is possible to create depth in relationships that are becoming shallow. Part of it is expressing who you are outside of the roles –daughter, girlfriend around your family and boyfriend. Another part is expressing negative emotion as well positive, so if you are angry, say that (kindly) and if you are grateful say that.

Also, are there people around you who have some of the qualities you liked in this friend? Is there someone around you who seems to genuinely listen to people that you could get to know better? Or who seems positive? Maybe you can meet these needs not through one person, but through several different people who bring the same sort of qualities to your life.

Good luck !

M

Hey cal93:
I do not have much experience with buddhism. I live in an orthodox religious community however. While I am no longer practicing, I was devout during around ten years ago. One of the reasons I left was I gave too much importance to rules of do’s and don’t’s – often wandering into the territory of self judgement and self hatred when I strayed from the set rules. If you were to decide on embracing buddhism as a religion my advice would be to not become overly attached to do’s and don’ts, such as avoid intoxicants. Embrace imperfection within your religious practice. It is a lot more sustainable :).
Best,
m