He is not for you! You can do so much better. You deserve respect. Mixed signals = non-interest or full follow up or commitment. Make a list of what you want in a relationship and hang it on the wall. Remind yourself of it any time he tries to make contact again. It’s time to move on from him. Karma will take care of the rest.

Red flag -dishonesty. It doesn’t matter how he comes to his decision, what he truly wants, or if he values you more. He deceived you. There could be another woman in your relationship in the future. You will never be able to trust him again if he can live a double life like that. Let him go and know your worth.

I have had trouble with therapists too. I see just a psychiatrist right now for bipolar. So I get it. I worked very hard on myself on my own through writing therapy and other coping skills. I don’t know what personally would help you but I can say that there is still hope. I understand you’re working through a very tough situation. That sucks that those hotlines can be pushy to get off phone. At least you know what works and what doesn’t work for you to an extent. Maybe something else on the resource page will help. But I’m here to talk to too.

I think it’s good to separate two things: Unemployment and poverty do not equate your worth. We all hit lows sometimes.  You’re human. You’re allowed to struggle. There’s a job section on this forum where you can post maybe about job hunting or something like that!

If you want advice or just someone to listen, I’m here too! Let me know how I can help. I think that you are being extra hard on yourself ON TOP of the financial struggle. The last thing you need is self-blame. And I see that self-advocacy has hit a dead end many times so it’s good that you found this forum.

As for job searching, there are also remote jobs if you can’t find something local. Just something to keep in mind!

Do you have anyone you can talk to at all about your feelings? Suicidal ideation even something you don’t plan to act on can lead to tunnel vision and further isolation and pain. Do you have a trusted friend, family member or therapist? There are also hotlines if you check out Tiny Buddha resource page.

I like centering prayer.

I read your comment. He is truly an abuser. These are all abusive behaviors. I hope you get out.

Javier,

Look up on youtube: Life Without Limbs: Nick Vujicic Ministries

He has a lot of inspirational messages. How about try to watch daily? I’ve also started watching Fresh Anointing on youtube.

There are many more.

I’m glad you are forgiving people. You said that you still hold a lot of resentment. I would say you might want to forgive but your emotional state isn’t matching that intention. Anger is okay but it points to something deeper.

I like how you told advice that you are going through something too and it was okay to be lost sometimes.

I worry a lot and can think in all-or-nothing thinking. If one thing goes wrong, I think all is wrong. And vice versa with being right. I don’t ALWAYS think like this. But I often do. I realized that my brain was telling me one thing and my soul was telling me another. My brain tells me to think small and be scared. My soul tells me to expand and live for God and meaning and purpose and something greater than myself. My brain wants me to be defeated and joyless. My soul wants me to be like a child again full of wonder and joy. It’s a constant battle. It’s a spiritual battle and we are ALL going through it.

Like you told that stranger on that forum, you are not alone in your suffering. I’m not going anywhere. I know it’s hard right now. I can’t help you to find all the answers. It’s going to be hard. But you have nothing to worry about. The worst is over. You have PTSD. It’s just processing life and picking yourself up again and leaning on God. I would say that my faith helps me a lot. I don’t know yours but whatever holds meaning for you spiritually, it’s time to listen to it.

We can’t know what’s going to happen. I can’t tell you it’s all going to turn around. All I can tell you is that I’m here for you. I hope that you know you are worth helping. I see good in you. I see a person who has promise. I see a person who is caring. I see a person who is just scared. That’s all it is. You are just scared. And you have every right to be. You’re still here aren’t you? That’s your sign that it’s okay to let go now. For a moment, set it all down. For a moment, release your struggles and exhale. You are Beloved. You are enough. You are good. You are going to be okay once you get a handle on your emotional state. That’s what you are up against – your brain is trying to work you up into defeatism. You can’t see through it, but I can. I can tell you that you are punishing yourself and holding onto anger towards past injustices. You haven’t released your grip once even a little bit. Try surrendering.

I’ll be here to hold space with you too.

Again, I ask you- what would you tell someone in your position?

Sarah

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Sarah Jeanne Browne.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Sarah Jeanne Browne.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Sarah Jeanne Browne.

Okay let’s focus on one of your positives.

• Protecting and caring – P

How are you protective and caring?

When have you protected and cared for someone?

How does it feel to protect and care?

How can you protect and care for others and yourself now?

What does being compassionate look like for you?

How do you find purpose in compassion? Where can you use this compassion to create meaning for your life? Who can you help?

Start there. 🙂