Anita: Please consider that what I typed was actually occurring. Or don’t. I appreciate your point of view, but I’m thinking that I didn’t describe the situation well and that you assumed that it was all imagined, projected.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by sandy.

Wow, you guys are the best. Thank you, thank you, thank you for chiming in and sharing your wisdom!

Anita, thank you – your words made me smile! And after I read them, I realized that if someone like you could accept my slobby tendencies, then I should be able to accept them and those same tendencies in others (I have had slobby partners in the past and I would give them grief for it – while stuffing away my slobbiness under a neat, clean exterior).

Matt, I cleaned my entire house. And now I have no desire to sit and watch TV. You were right. And I do procrastinate. I procrastinate with studying and that comes in the form of watching TV and neglecting my responsibilities like keeping my place in working order. I will try to just find and recognize the happiness that comes from doing these things. That’s a different perspective that I never thought of. Thank you!

Inky, you’re hilarious – you cracked me up! It’s good to read your words, and yes, it’s all true. I will try to remember that when I’m talking to the sweet, nice, hot guy that I think is out of my league. 🙂 Thanks!

Pink, thanks for sharing your experience. It’s good to know there’s someone out there who can relate. What you said about putting yourself first, especially with regards to friendships and not finding the partner or the job really hits home. I contemplated on this and realized that I really am my happiest when I take care of myself. I just went through a phase where I was saying no to things that didn’t fulfill me, I stopped pursuing friendships that didn’t match up with my interests and personality, and I spent lots of time in nature talking to the birds and squirrels and trees and stuff. It was easy for me then to go to sleep at night and I didn’t really think about not having friends or a partner or a career and my debt. I just realized that in wanting to pursue or date these guys, I’ve tossed that all out the window. I started caring about looking good and buying clothes. I developed this insecurity about not having friends and for dropping out of the student council… all things that I know would leave a better impression the guys. I do realize that during that time, I felt self-conscious, I smiled less, was ruder to others and felt like I was out of my body. Up until today I couldn’t figure out what had changed, but I know that I want to get that back. It’s funny that I can’t have both-the regard for how my life sizes up AND the self-care, self-love. Because when I get into the self-love phase I don’t care about anything else! Which isn’t really anything to complain about…until I want to date someone and I start thinking about how that doesn’t fit into a relationship with another. But maybe you’re right, that a relationship will come in time. I mostly believe this, but lately I’m starting to think that it may never come (especially when walking around the neighborhood by myself and seeing families hanging out together, having bbq’s ,celebrating Father’s Day…).

Nonetheless, I have cleaned my room, I have all of your wonderful wisdom to let sink into my brain and I’m healthy and alive. Thank you again for your help!!!

Just wanted to add that a lot of my current feelings of being inadequate come from realizing that when I’m living alone and single, I’m a slob, I spend my free time watching tv and pigging out and have no ambition. When I’m in a relationship, I’m neat, have hobbies and don’t show my lazy uninteresting side.

I wondered why I don’t do good things for myself when I’m alone. And I think that I would never let anyone that I wanted to date see the way that I live. In the past I’ve hidden this side and shaped up to show a side of myself that would be more attractive. I see others who live for themselves and wonder how to do that.

Again, Natasha, thank you for your words here. Your last post made me cry, but also gave me hope since I know your words are the truth. I can honestly say that only on a couple of occasions in the year and a half since we broke up have I wished for him to be happy – with or without me. And when that happened, I knew what I felt was overwhelming love. That feeling is so rare to me, but as you describe it, I know that it’s the words of someone who is filled with love themselves.

I will practice my metta and noticing where my heart is. Sending much love to you! I hope your life continues to be filled with the love that you create!

Thanks for taking the time to write, Chad. You’ve pointed out some interesting things for me to ponder, namely finding like-minded folks through community groups and volunteer projects (I love to volunteer! –haven’t been able to find any opportunities-yet!), and understanding where I’m coming from, which helps me to see my situation without feeling guilty or like a bad person.

Unfortunately my school, if you can still call it that, is made up of 8 students. And yes, most of them are younger than me. Im studying oriental medicine, which seems to attract a certain type of person. Given the situation, it would probably be best for me to find other friends and acquaintances through the avenues you suggested. 🙂

Thanks for writing and understanding my situation. Your advice is golden and gives my heart hope!

Hi Ruminant,

Well you just hit the nail on the head!

I know I’m not very adaptable. I imagine myself living as a caveman and not being able to move along and adapt and being left behind to die. I would totally be that last standing native who refused to learn the new language and assimilate with new cultures and societies. This seems like a defect, genetically, but also a form of self preservation.

It’s ironic… I took control and left my last two schools, saying they were insufficient and incompetent. And now my school is leaving me! And I must adapt or die!

Thanks for putting this perspective in my mind!