You’re rubbing off on me. DWTD 😂

Dear SadSoul: First, before I lose momentum: I AM DONE WITH BEING DUMB!!! Today, June 29, 2024 is the first day of Done with being Dumb Project (DDP) Let me explain yesterday’s dumbness (the answer to your question: “I’m wondering how it came about that you tested bear spray out on yourself?“) Well, I have two dark colored bear spray cans, one with a white safety cap and the other without one. The way you use it is by pressing your thumb on the thing. If you press it by accident, the safety cap prevents an accident, and nothing happens. Many times I took the unsafe can with me and about two times, I pressed it by accident, but the sprayed material was low enough, near the ground, or far enough or I ran in the other direction and my eyes got just a bit irritated. I was a bit scared but the irritation was minimal. Now, a thing I do on my walks (2 routes, about 5 km each) is I take shopping plastic bags with me and collect trash, something I am proud of doing because I keep more than 10 km free from visible trash. The two (could have been 3) times I pressed it by accident before yesterday, happened when I picked up half filled or empty plastic bottles of water or soda. When I did, thinking about reducing the volume of the trash, I remove the cap from the plastic bottles, emptied the bottles, and smashed them. As I applied force to the bottle with one hand, the other hand somehow, automatically applied force to the can of bear spray. Yesterday was the 3rd or 4th time the exact thing happened, but this time, I sprayed more of it, and high above ground, and the plume of dark, scary material enveloped me. (I knew the resident of the house where this happens right outside the private property, so I ran screaming, calling his name, and I was smart enough to untangle the water hose and get water running to my face and eyes, screaming the whole time). Now, the dumbness: I never stopped to think about what the safety cap is about. it’s part of my lifetime ADD: not paying Attention to details. I didn’t learn from past experience (the 2-3 times it happened before), and it occurred to me last night or this morning, FOR THE FIRST TIME, that I have no business opening bottles people throw away (especially the bottles that are difficult to open), for how do I know what’s in them: the contents could be poisonous or explode in my face, so there is the not considering possible consequences for my little actions, sort of operating automatically, without thinking. DDP, Day 1. I went back to bed after posting to you last. there was a tiny bit of burning in my face/ eyes, but mostly burning in areas of my arms and legs (I wore shorts and my legs and arms were exposed to the spray).

You are not dumb. The more I get to know you the more amazing I think you are. Wild adventurous Anita, armed and prepared to face wolves and bears, picking up the garbage that lowly peasants throw by the wayside! However, although not entirely understanding the mechanism by where the bottle emptying triggers the spraying, I’m assuming you carry the bear spray in one hand, always in readiness to slay the dragon, and bottles are a two handed job?

I grew up being taught never to take lollies from strangers because they will have put drugs in them. Also that my mother would put drugs in our food when she finally visited us when I was 10. I didn’t know what drugs were, but I knew they were terrifying and from the devil, so it was all really frightening meeting this stranger woman, and then five minutes later being left with her for six weeks. I only just now had a thought, how evil it was to tell two small children they were going to have drugs sneakily administered to them by a woman they didn’t know called mum, and that they had to be responsible to ensure this didn’t happen. People suck. Also, I can’t quite fathom that I’ve accepted so much of my childhood without a second thought. And I’m glad I didn’t understand most of the manipulative side of it like the above. This ties in with the contents of the flagons you empty along your journeys, just in case my wandering mind makes no sense to you.

Aaaah. Back to your amazingness! My stomach churned reading a more detailed story. No Anita! No! The bear spray is sneaking up on you!

Uneducated me didn’t have much if an idea of the magnificence of bear spray, but now armed with the knowledge of your first hand experiences, it truly is taking the sword of David on your adventures!

“Oh girl. I had never heard of bear spray till meeting you and now I’m terrified of it“- I can’t even look at it. “I’m sorry I laughed… just made me feel happy and laughy“- I liked your reaction because it complimented me, that I could be positive about it. “Well there I go again, accidentally deleting a huge reply,.. In other news, I am so technically challenged..“- project DTD (Done with being Technically Dumb)?

I doubt I’m done with DTD 😭

“I hope you don’t wake up with secondary problems from it“- not right now. I imagine that the developers of bear spray developed it to not cause secondary/ permanent problems to the customers using the spray because even when used correctly, some of it will get on the person, especially when there’s a bit of wind. From yesterday:

So next time to encounter a savage beast at least you’ll go to sleep knowing there was no secondary damage done. Much better than an actual sword!

“I’m sad and my heart is breaking today. Too much happened in last week and it overwhelmed me… My partner saw a goat and got a fright and jumped. Wtf? I’m starting to hurt but luckily I landed softly“- a big part of my DDP is to no longer rely on luck and instead: prevent preventable problems (like bear spray and thrown-away bottle contents exploding in my face!), to pay attention to details that matter, to not overreact emotionally (feeling overwhelmed) and to not overreact behaviorally (like your partner who jumped). done-with-being-dumb anita

One day, not in this forum where the whole world can read my everything, I’ll tell you a bit more about my partner and they won’t seem so dum.

I think you’re wise not to empty the flagons. Not many with be filled with radioactive material, but upon listening to the boys at work, they often wee into bottles to save stopping on long journeys. I’m an utterly grotted out my this ugly revelation, but let’s say there was some pink fizzy drink in the bottom of said bottle, add a wee, it’s still going to be pink…

Today is a lovely day. There is hope in the sounds of the birds singing away, the breeze is warm and whispers of things to come. Absolutely wonderful. Yup, bipolar SadSoul – no I’m not, just to clarify, but it’s in total opposition to how I felt yesterday. Perhaps taking my SadSoul in both hands and doing my sport, doing a few other things as well, perhaps I am responding to this cognitive therapy I inflict on myself?

How are you today, dear friend Anita? I think your day might be coming to an end at this time. Have you had a good day after such a bad one? YOU ARE NOT DUMB! So very far from it. Accidents and absent mindedness don’t make a person dumb. I do totally understand the need to not repeat it though. You amazing woman!

Oh girl. I had never heard of bear spray till meeting you and now I’m terrified of it. You poor poor thing. I’m making cups of tea and much midnight sympathy. I’m sorry I laughed. Your wonderful way with words and your positive attitude (shoulder stopped hurting whilst the most unbearable pain ever was being inflicted, who is that funny and witty to even think that?) just made me feel happy and laughy.

I will check back shortly to see if you’ve been unable to sleep and need more sympathy and company.

Well there I go again, accidentally deleting a huge reply, cos when I try to find the post button when the keyboard part of my phone is taking up all the screen after I’ve typed out my post, I end up clicking the wrong arrow and closing the window. This doesn’t add to my feelings of (not) joy today.

I’m so cranky I’m out even going to try to redo what I typed. But I am worried about your shoulder. It has been sore for a long time.

Also I love that you’re my chinwagging old duck friend too. I’m sad and my heart is breaking today. Too much happened in last week and it overwhelmed me. There was a couple of other things that I didn’t share that were fairly sizeable. Sometimes I wonder if I’m ever going to glue my heart back together and be sound again.

While I wait for my coffee pot to boil…

I’m sad and I’m very certain I have to try to win this person over. If I don’t, I stand to lose two of the most important people in my life.

Pot boiled quicker than anticipated. Portable cup filled. Goodbye my friend, took me meet again! (in a few hours 😂)

Thank you. I hope if this person feels accepted and loved it might change them. They had a traumatic childhood. Their way of living is very different to mine. They behave in spiteful and mean ways when they’re not coping. I can’t help but wonder if what’s just happened, while not a reaction to a stressful situation, might be how their walls look. Do they cut people out at times when most people come together? Is this a defence mechanism and is it possible to build trust so they don’t cut key people out of very important things.

If I can’t work this out, build a solid relationship with them, I am going to lose a couple of very important people to me. So far they’ve been very closed off and treated my loved one very poorly. I’m really struggling to see if this is even possible. Is their behaviour intentional or spontaneous?

Broken people break people. I know that’s not true of all, but being a survivor of abuse doesn’t automatically make someone good or make them want to understand their trauma, heal, and be able to be their best person.

I only have to look at my mother to see that. She is so certain and righteous about the evil things she says and does. The victim deserves it and there is nothing wrong with her behaviour. She never looks at her behaviour and feels remorse. I only ever once tried to have a conversation with her about a hurtful thing she’d said, but she screamed at me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with her, and it was entirely the other person’s fault. Even though it was glaringly not anything the other person did, and even if they had, her reaction was unbelievably horrible.

I am going to try with all my might to make this person feel accepted and loved though. And pray. And I hope they’re not so messed up that they’re another version of my mother. I hope they can blossom with being treated with love and care and respect.

I’m so upset though. So sad. What should be something that brings us together even stronger than ever, well, she’s made it very clear it’s not going to be like that.

How are you today?

The rain is falling down in Spain is a kids poem song ditty type thing.

Oh no! I hope you can breathe. How are you feeling?

We are alive. This is good. This is life. I’m going to put my feet up soon. Maybe I’ll serenade you with my evening – if I don’t fall asleep on myself 😂