I think we have all experienced the anxiety and disillusionment you are talking about. In the age of “information” and 24/7 news where 90% of the stories we hear have a negative connotation its no wonder. As such there is nothing “wrong” with your thinking, however this might be more of an issue of focus/mindfulness. What you are allowing your consciousness to remain focused on.

You ask how you might correct this thinking.

I think the tools of compassion and mindfulness might be helpful.  Compassion in this case for your thinking and anxiety instead of judgment. Such a perspective opens the door to mindfulness where you might notice such thinking and anxiety as observations and so doing allow them to pass.  For example, this news story disappoints me and fills me with anxiety. I am sorry such things happen and that people can behave this way. I see I can also act in hurtful ways and feel compassion for others and myself (while still holding myself and others accountable. Not doing so would not be Love). Hurtful things might/will happen to myself and family and for those things I can control I will attend to the rest I let go and lean on my faith that Life (which includes death) is Love.

Mindfulness may also help you better direct your consciousness. Consciousness is attracted to ‘loud noises’, things we are afraid of, fear, possible trouble. Mindfulness teaches us to notice without fixating on what we become aware of and in this way, respond or react as the needs arise.  We learn to better direct our consciousness.

When you think of it is really is a waist of time to worry about a future that never happens. Track all the things you worried about against what actually happens and you will likely notice that a large percentage never occurred.   You can and should prepare for possible outcomes but once you do worry has served its purpose.  Mindfulness will help you let it go.

Lastly “the car goes were the eyes go” meaning our mind/thinking goes were our eyes go. There is far more goodness and beauty in the world then ugliness.  Its true. Just look around you and direct your awareness to the wonder.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Peter.

Without imperfections, we would remain unconscious of ourselves.

Each of us is unique and love is experienced and expressed on many different levels. Most of us, when we talk about love are often talking about something else like relationship, living together, sex… all components of love but never the complete picture in and of themselves.

If your a thinking type that likes to analyze feelings and have a concept of love that is romanticized perhaps seeking that feeling of being overwhelmed by the need for someone – and calling that love. Your probably going to be disappointed.  I think a place to start is defining for yourself what love is and then not overthink it.

Sorry to hear about your situation but glad to hear that your taking the steps you need to take to be safe and take care of yourself.

If its unacceptable for you to live with a person with a drinking problem, then that is your truth and there is not much more you can do until and unless your husband comes to terms with his demons.

I think you have done what you needed to do and that all you can do in the time being is respect the space that was created.

Very much recommend the book ‘How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving – by David Richo if your ready for that kind of thing

I also struggle with loneliness though no longer the anxiety about being lonely.  I have gotten used to, and even enjoy, be out on my own, and for the most part am ok with it… and then the night comes and I wonder about meaning and purpose, wondering why I should wake in the morning.

I suspect loneliness very much tied to the experience of meaning and purpose and perhaps that is where some of the anxiety comes from.

Sorry that I don’t have any answers

My opinion for what its worth is that you must respect her decision and stay away. It hurts, but that is the life is and the best you can do is learn from the experience and deal with the issues that got in your way.

Does anyone here wonder if this the sense of not having purpose or meaning is really a experience of loneliness?

Are they the same things?

• This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Peter.

“In racing, they say that your car goes where your eyes go. The driver who cannot tear his eyes away from the wall as he spins out of control will meet that wall; the driver who looks down the track as he feels his tires break free will regain control of his vehicle.”― Garth Stein, The Art of Racing in the Rain

When we re-visit past relationships, we tend to be selective about which memories our “eyes” go to.

“Inside each of us resides the truth. But sometimes the truth is hidden in a hall of mirrors. Sometimes we believe we are viewing the real thing, when in fact we are viewing a facsimile, a distortion.” ― Garth Stein

There is always unfinished work when a relationship ends, perhaps even a reason that the relationship ended. When we struggle with a current relationship it is not uncommon to return to the past, if unconsciously, to work out what is happening in the present.

The task is to make the unconscious conscious. What was it in the past relationship that was positive for you and what was experienced as a negative? Are you projecting anything that happened into the past into the present relationship? What lessons have you learned about yourself and which ones are you avoiding? Are you driving towards where you want to go or are you looking at what your afraid you might hit?

“We had a good run, and now it’s over; what’s wrong with that?”― Garth Stein