If I’m reading you post correctly you’re an intuitive introvert and a bit of a dreamer. Living more in your head then in the material world?

In an overly extroverted world qualities such as introversion and dreamer can be experienced as being at odds with everyone made worse as we imagine that everyone else’s life is so much bigger than our own.

Sometimes to get out of a cycle you have to fully enter it. Like getting caught in an undertow while swimming you can struggle or let go and let it run its course as you keep your eyes open for the moment to start swimming again.

Instead of fighting the qualities that are part of your authentic self my advice is to learn how to accept them. Once you accept them you will better understand how they are influencing your experiences and then what you need to do to grow.

Recommend: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain

We recreate and replay scenarios that our authentic self needs us to work through and become conscious of.

‘When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships’ by David Rich

We all have a tendency to transfer potent feelings, needs, expectations, and beliefs from childhood or from former relationships onto the people in our daily lives, whether they are our intimate partners, friends, or acquaintances. When the Past Is Present helps us to become more aware of the ways we slip into the past so that we can identify our emotional baggage and take steps to unpack it and put it where it belongs.

• Understand how the wounds of childhood become exposed in adult relationships—and why this is a gift
• Identify and heal the emotional wounds we carry over from the past so that they won’t sabotage present-day relationships
• Recognize how strong attractions and aversions to people in the present can be signals of own own unfinished business
• Use mindfulness to stay in the present moment and cultivate authentic intimacy

I would love to work on improving myself if the rest of the world won’t change for me… I have to accept that we’re all humans but that is very hard for me to do.. It’s hard for me to lower my expectations. So please?

The rest of the world is not going to change for you however you can find happiness becoming the change you would like to see.

One of the things I noticed in your post is a concern for how others see you and then how that impacts how you see them.

No matter how intuitive a person maybe we can only imagine what other people are thinking and feeling and the reality is we are wrong most of the time. It is also true that people do not think about us as much as we imagine they do. Like us they are trying to work out their own issues.

The rule of charity suggests that if there are multiple possible explanations for some experience and there is no way to determine which is the correct on, pick the better story.

The truth is it’s usually not a matter of not being able to determine which explanation or story is correct but that we don’t ask or act to find out. Instead we tend to assume that we ‘know’ and more often than not pick the most negative story that then sends our experience spiraling downward.

My advice stop worrying about what you imagine others are thinking about and focus on the person you want to be. Like will attract like.

As above so below we are influenced – by focusing on your outer experience your sense of self will be influenced even determined by outer experiences of which you have little control if any.

As Below so above we influence – by focusing on your inner experiences and who you are, becoming the changes you want to see, you take ownership of your sense of self and in that way start to influence your outer experiences.

There is a suggestion to ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’ Note that it does not say like.
The reality in life is that we will not always like everyone all the time, even those we love the most and that’s ok

That’s the thing, you can still Love someone even in those time you might not like them. In fact those are the times when love is exercised and put into practice and not just some concept or feeling.

If you can connect to the Truth in that and let go of this fear of liking or not liking your heart will lighten.

Start by working on how you love yourself in those time when you might not like yourself or are disappointed in yourself. Can you acknowledge your humanity and still love yourself enough to do better when you learn better without the negative self-talk. Forgive your failings as you forgive the failings of others?

The nature of change is that it happens slowly then all at once. What I means is that we tend not to notice the string of small causes and effects until we notice the moment that of the big effect.

You say “I have zero ability to change even small matters”. The irony being that making that statement is one of the small causes that isn’t being noticed. Will the statement push you forward or will it be one more brick in the wall of the effect that is stuckness.

Viewed in this light the statement “I have zero ability to change even small matters” can only be false as every breath you take every thought you have, though the impact may be small, effect change. The difference perhaps is between active and passive Do we write our stories or do our stories write us?

One of the ways we get stuck in our stuckness is to expect change to happen immediately and exactly as we imagine. Such hope for change is more likely to prevent us from seeing and so nurturing the small causes that might actually lead to the change that would get us unstuck.

I think to influence the change that we want we have to create space to notice the small causes and nurture those that point in the direction we want to travel – however at the same time always aware that the direction we think we should go might not be the best path to get there.

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us” – Joseph Campbell

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. T. S. Eliot

When I read your post the word that came to mind was pause and then Claude Debussy quote “Music is the space between the notes”
When stuck in quick sand or a strong undertow the first step to getting out is to stop struggling.

The first step in getting out of our stuckness is to remember to pause. The Pause is not simply an absence of content but intention that creates the content. Without the pause you would only have noise.

“In bullfighting there is an interesting parallel to the pause as a place of refuge and renewal. It is believed that in the midst of a fight, a bull can find his own particular area of safety in the arena. There he can reclaim his strength and power. This place and inner state are called his querencia. As long as the bull remains enraged and reactive, the matador is in charge. Yet when he finds his querencia, he gathers his strength and loses his fear. From the matador’s perspective, at this point the bull is truly dangerous, for he has tapped into his power.”
― Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha

Stopping: How to Be Still When You Have to Keep Going by David Kundtz

Sorry you’re having such a hard time.
I know when people say thinks like “it will get better” they mean well but often such statements come from their own need to believe it.

It is not clear in your posts is your hope/prayer is passive or active. Passive hope can be destructive when it’s the type that waits for something to change. Perhaps magically, that if we just wish hard enough, pray hard enough things will change in the instant of our wishing.

The thing with change is that it is something that happens slowly and then all at once. Meaning we don’t tend to notice the little causes that have to happen before the effect is noticed. These little causes of changes could then already be taking place in your life.

Active hope is hope with eyes open, hope that seeks out those little causes and nurturing them till the day the hope is realized.

A part of the process of active hope is to refrain our experiences when we can. In your post you say everything has gotten worse and that you’re the type of person that a stranger can come to when they are in need. While you actively hope try paying more attention to this positive person who can be present to others. It’s a place to start.

The reality is we are all falling and have been since we took our first breath. How we fall, ah there is the trick. Arms and legs frantically flailing or like a sky diver, arms and legs spread out, enjoying the ride.

I am reminded of a story of a sparrow trapped in an empty grain silo frontally seeking out each ray of light that appeared through various cracks in the wall only to find they were not big enough to get through. Defeated the sparrow lays exhausted on the floor failing to notice the dark tunnel that if traveled would take it under the wall and out of the silo

There are those that find their way out seeking the light however for many the way out is not up but down.

The Art of Falling – by Kathryn Craft
“All Penny has ever wanted to do is dance—and when that chance is taken from her, it pushes her to the brink of despair, from which she might never return. When she wakes up after a traumatic fall, bruised and battered but miraculously alive, Penny must confront the memories that have haunted her for years, using her love of movement to pick up the pieces of her shattered life.”

I believe that we become the stories we tell ourselves more often then we become the stories we write.
(There is a difference)

The first thing that came to my mind when I read your post was cognitive distortion

Cognitive distortions are simply ways that our mind convinces us of something that isn’t really true. These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions — telling ourselves things that sound rational and accurate, but really only serve to keep us feeling bad about ourselves.

I also recognize that sometimes we just need to get the kinds of thoughts you posted out.

Anyway If you aren’t only venting but want to work your way out of these thoughts you might want to examine what you are telling yourself for Cognitive distortion. Its a place to start.

Common distortions in the stories we tell ourselves
Filtering: We take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. For instance, a person may pick out a single, unpleasant detail and dwell on it exclusively so that their vision of reality becomes darkened or distorted.

Polarized Thinking: In polarized thinking, things are either “black-or-white.” We have to be perfect or we’re a failure — there is no middle ground. You place people or situations in “either/or” categories, with no shades of gray or allowing for the complexity of most people and situations. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.

Overgeneralization: In this cognitive distortion, we come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or a single piece of evidence. If something bad happens only once, we expect it to happen over and over again. A person may see a single, unpleasant event as part of a never-ending pattern of defeat.

Jumping to Conclusions: Without individuals saying so, we know what they are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, we are able to determine how people are feeling toward us.
For example, a person may conclude that someone is reacting negatively toward them but doesn’t actually bother to find out if they are correct. Another example is a person may anticipate that things will turn out badly, and will feel convinced that their prediction is already an established fact.

Catastrophizing: We expect disaster to strike, no matter what. This is also referred to as “magnifying or minimizing.” We hear about a problem and use what if questions (e.g., “What if tragedy strikes?” “What if it happens to me?”).

Personalization: Personalization is a distortion where a person believes that everything others do or say is some kind of direct, personal reaction to the person. We also compare ourselves to others trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc.

Control Fallacies: If we feel externally controlled, we see ourselves as helpless a victim of fate. For example, “I can’t help it if the quality of the work is poor, my boss demanded I work overtime on it.” The fallacy of internal control has us assuming responsibility for the pain and happiness of everyone around us. For example, “Why aren’t you happy? Is it because of something I did?”

Fallacy of Fairness: We feel resentful because we think we know what is fair, but other people won’t agree with us. As our parents tell us when we’re growing up and something doesn’t go our way, “Life isn’t always fair.” People who go through life applying a measuring ruler against every situation judging its “fairness” will often feel badly and negative because of it. Because life isn’t “fair” — things will not always work out in your favor, even when you think they should.

Blaming: We hold other people responsible for our pain, or take the other track and blame ourselves for every problem. For example, “Stop making me feel bad about myself!” Nobody can “make” us feel any particular way — only we have control over our own emotions and emotional reactions.

Shoulds: We have a list of ironclad rules about how others and we should behave. People who break the rules make us angry, and we feel guilty when we violate these rules. A person may often believe they are trying to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if they have to be punished before they can do anything.

Emotional Reasoning: We believe that what we feel must be true automatically. If we feel stupid and boring, then we must be stupid and boring. You assume that your unhealthy emotions reflect he way things really are — “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”

Fallacy of Change: We expect that other people will change to suit us if we just pressure or cajole them enough. We need to change people because our hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.

Global Labeling: We generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgment. These are extreme forms of generalizing, and are also referred to as “labeling” and “mislabeling.” Instead of describing an error in context of a specific situation, a person will attach an unhealthy label to themselves.
For example, they may say, “I’m a loser” in a situation where they failed at a specific task.

Always Being Right: We are continually on trial to prove that our opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and we will go to any length to demonstrate our rightness. For example, “I don’t care how badly arguing with me makes you feel, I’m going to win this argument no matter what because I’m right.” Being right often is more important than the feelings of others around a person who engages in this cognitive distortion, even loved ones.

Heaven’s Reward Fallacy: We expect our sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if someone is keeping score. We feel bitter when the reward doesn’t come.