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Peter

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Viewing 15 posts - 796 through 810 (of 931 total)
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  • in reply to: Self-improvement quote that trips the BS detector #125781
    Peter
    Participant

    The calm man, having learned how to govern himself, knows how to adapt himself to others; and they, in turn, reverence his spiritual strength, and feel that they can learn of him and rely upon him. The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. ā€“ James Allen

    Not a great quote.
    I think the problem in the quote may be that it is open to a semantic reaction to the words like ā€˜calmā€™, ā€˜tranquilā€™ and ā€˜adaptā€™.

    For myself those words comes across as passive and as you mention apply to many people I know to whom could not be relay on. A yes man adapts and can be calm and tranquil about it but should he be relied on?

    I suspect James Allen was thinking about those people who when your around them you feel yourself becoming calm and assured. However I suspect that that has little to do with there outward appearance of being calm and tranquil, something more is going on.

    Iā€™ve been reading up on the principle of vibration which address this phenomena.
    These are some people who influence/vibrate from the authentically of their inner being. A authenticity that comes from a being that is a doing by not doing. When you come in contact with such people itā€™s kind of like when iron filings comes into contact with a magnet which influences all the filings to align themselves.

    Have you had an experience of being in a concert and it felt as if everyone was connected, all the ā€˜stringsā€™ vibrating at the same frequency and aligned? Of course thatā€™s music but there are those that have the gift to influence people in the same way, from their being. Some vibrate and influence for good some for ill.

    Peter
    Participant

    There really isnā€™t a name for what I do, so I call it Lifestyle Curating. The issue is, people wonā€™t hire me if they donā€™t know exactly what I do. And since iā€™ve quitted every job Iā€™ve ever had

    Have you thought about becoming a life coach? It sounds like it would be up your ally and while taking the courses you would likely discover how to deal with your block. Two birdā€™s one stone.
    I imagine that such understanding and coming to terms with your experience would make you great life coach.

    I very much related to your thoughts on wishing for cancer so that you could relax.

    It sounds as if that would be a contradiction, being sick and finding that relaxing, but I understand. Knowing that youā€™re going to die or have a battle to fight can give a sense of purpose to waking up in the morning. Such a way of thinking or being removes uncertainty about what we should be doing as well as being acknowledged and accepted by others. Such thinking can be very seductive.

    When we examine such thinking what were really seeking is acknowledgment, acceptance and certainty. The good news is that these concepts can be worked on.

    You also noted a wish to die, but not suicide. That too is understandable as it represent the urge for change.

    All change requires a dying, a letting go to make room for what comes next. The life death life cycle. To ego consciousness change can feel like a physical dying and so its resists it even as the inner self pushes for change. Such thoughts turn suicidal when the trickster turns them from a push for growth to one of physical death.

    Your soul is pushing for growth and growth requires that we give ourselves what perhaps others were not able to give us, the acceptance, nurturing, disciplineā€¦ We also need to become ok with not knowing, uncertainty and even doubt. Doubt not to be feared but seen as part of the process. (Fear is to Courage as Doubt is to Faith (faith in life))

    ā€œTo choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation.ā€ ā€• Yann Martel, Life of Pi

    I must say a word about fear. It is life’s only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life.
    It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always. One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear, disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. Doubt meets disbelief and disbelief tries to push it out. But disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier. Doubt does away with it with little trouble. You become anxious. Reason comes to battle for you. You are reassured. Reason is fully equipped with the latest weapons technology. But, to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeniable victories, reason is laid low. You feel yourself weakening, wavering. Your anxiety becomes dread.ā€
    ā€• Yann Martel, Life of Pi

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by Peter.
    in reply to: Life feeling purposeless, decisions therefore feel pointless #125657
    Peter
    Participant

    ā€œThe point is there ain’t no point.ā€ ā€• Cormac McCarthy, No Country for Old Men (Horrible pointless movie ā€“ which was the point)

    The danger of finding everything pointless is not noticing when you slip into nihilism

    ā€œThe most dangerous side of nihilism, however, is that in the end it becomes happy and satisfied with itself.ā€ But oh so empty.

    Have your read Life of PI?
    ā€œTo choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation.ā€

    “‘So tell me, since it makes no factual difference to you and you can’t prove the question either way, which story do you prefer? Which is the better story, the story with animals or the story without animals?’ Mr. Okamoto: ‘That’s an interesting question?’ Mr. Chiba: ‘The story with animals.’ Mr. Okamoto: ‘Yes. The story with animals is the better story.

    Choose a better story.

    The only way to overcome analysis paralysis and inactivity is to stop analyzing and get up and do something.

    in reply to: Intrusive thoughts and The Law of Attraction #125585
    Peter
    Participant

    These type of thoughts gain a hold of us the more we judge and measure them. i.e Iā€™m a bad person for having these thoughts. It is the labels and judgement that give the thoughts their power (and vibration)

    Have you tried the practice of mindful awareness?
    In this practice you donā€™t pretend that you donā€™t have them nor do you set yourself up for battle when you have them. Instead you allow yourself to notice the thoughts without judgment or measurement. Hello again thoughtsā€¦ Iā€™m going to move on now

    There may be a time where you might spend time to reflect on why such thoughts arise but if you do again try not to judge or label yourself for having them.

    The law of attraction is actually an attribute of the principle of vibration.
    To over simplify: Our thoughts affect our vibration and it is vibration that creates our reality.

    Personal Development of The Art of Vibration:
    Mental transmutation (change) is an actual application of the principle of vibration. Perhaps you begin a heart centered way of living in your world. To change your mental state is to change your vibration. By changing your own vibration you will bend and shape your reality. (attract what you want) You may do this by an effort of action and will, by means of deliberately engaging in something that brings you joy and therefore raises your frequency. Essential oils, yoga, mantras, chanting, toning, art, reading books – any of these allows you to begin cultivating and actually shifting your thoughts, your vibration and therefore your entire life into a more enjoyable state.

    in reply to: Life feeling purposeless, decisions therefore feel pointless #125550
    Peter
    Participant

    Perhaps if we were to give it a name it would be existential depression, but at its very core i find it more logical

    I could be wrong however I think the logical search for meaning and the ‘point of things’ is existential.

    As a seeker for understanding and wanting to know why I very much relate to your problem. Philosophically I suspect that all such seeking ends in the absurd to which I give Albert Camus the last word. My opinion after my travel down that road is that all philosophy ends in the absurd.

    Similar to Camus I concluded that the question of ‘what the point it’ is not the point and ultimately unhelpful. The point is you, you are the point and that must be enough. It is enough.

    If you are going to wait until you know with ‘certainty’ what the point of some act is, you will never act. You are looking for validation externally when meaning, purpose and ‘the point’ can and will only be found internally.

    I do not mean to be harsh, however as I have fallen into the same trap as you describe I can tell you the need to understand what the point is misses the point and leads nowhere. There will be no answer that cannot be logically dissected until you have proven to yourself that you were right all along and that there is not point.

    I wonder if the problem is not that ‘all is pointless’ but that it has become a excuse not to live your potential. The problem then wold not be about finding the right logic but one of fear.

    Fear is to courage as doubt is to faith (faith in this case that there is a point). Do not let a fear of uncertainty and not knowing keep you from life.

    If I were able to send my younger self a message I would say that seeking understanding is apart of your nature so must be honored however don’t get stuck in it, don’t use it as a excused from entering into your life.

    Have you read the book or seen the movie ‘Fault in the Stars’. Should Grace have avoided the experience of relationship because she saw no point and that life was meaningless?

    or may Download Five for Fighting song the Reason

    There was a man back in ’95
    Whose heart ran out of summers
    But before he died, I asked him
    Wait, what’s the sense in life
    Come over me, Come over me

    He said,
    Son why you got to sing that tune
    Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
    Let an angel swing and make you swoon
    Then you will see… You will see

    Then he said,
    Here’s a riddle for you
    Find the Answer
    There’s a reason for the world
    You and I…

    Picked up my kid from school today
    Did you learn anything cause in the world today
    You can’t live in a castle far away
    Now talk to me, come talk to me

    He said,
    Dad I’m big but we’re smaller than small
    In the scheme of things, well we’re nothing at all
    Still every mother’s child sings a lonely song
    So play with me, come play with me

    And Hey Dad
    Here’s a riddle for you
    Find the Answer
    There’s a reason for the world
    You and I…

    I said,
    Son for all I’ve told you
    When you get right down to the
    Reason for the world…
    Who am I?

    There are secrets that we still have left to find
    There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
    There are answers we’re not wise enough to see
    He said… You looking for a clue I Love You free…

    The batter swings and the summer flies
    As I look into my angel’s eyes
    A song plays on while the moon is high over me
    Something comes over me

    I guess we’re big and I guess we’re small
    If you think about it man you know we got it all
    Cause we’re all we got on this bouncing ball
    And I love you free
    I love you freely

    Here’s a riddle for you
    Find the Answer
    There’s a reason for the world
    You and I…

    in reply to: Help I don't know how to Adult #125517
    Peter
    Participant

    Age has very little to do with being an adult. For me I think becoming an adult involves taking responsibility for who we are and learning how to nurture and discipline ourselves as we strive to reach the best of ourselves.

    The following book may be of interest
    How to Be an Adult: A Handbook on Psychological and Spiritual Integration by David Richo

    Peter
    Participant

    I donā€™t think Iā€™m depressed, i just canā€™t see the ā€˜logicā€™ in doing things anymore

    Depression takes many forms and you appear to be have gotten stuck in existential depression.
    What is the point?

    What I mean is that the danger with existential angst is that we become the stories and thoughts we tell ourselves.

    The good news is that you are the cure the bad news is that you are the cure. (If your story was told as fairy tale this would be the point where the hero would be slapped hard. What is this thing call logic when on the quest? )

    I have read a great deal on the subject of meaning, purpose and happiness and so can save you time. Unless you are interested in the concepts of meaning, propose and happiness for their own sake you will find few answers. Looking to the concepts/logic for answers of ā€˜selfā€™ will only make the pit you have dug yourself deeper.

    Meaning, purpose and happiness are not matters of the intellect. They are not ā€˜thingsā€™ that can be found, grasped or heldā€¦ they can only be experienced.

    Meaning purpose and happiness exist in every moment, not to be grasped but noticed. I know that sounds trite and suspect that truth is unhelpful as like most of us we long for something objective, something we can own. Yet that is one of the tasks of the hero journey

    When does a seeker become a finder? Itā€™s not until you give up the search that you are at a place to find it.

    “We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” – T. S. Eliot

    We live in a time were only the objective extraverted purpose and meaning are valued and only experience purpose when others acknowledge that we have it. We sit around asking anyone who will listen to tell us who we are, what we should do.

    ā€œLife has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer.ā€ ā€• Joseph Campbell

    You are your meaning. To ā€˜findā€™ it my advice is to stop asking questions and seeking logic and act.

    Even if everything is pointless what does that thought of pointlessness matter? Why should that stop you from experience?

    You will not find experience you long for in the eyes of another you can only experience it in experience

    ā€œIf you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.ā€ ā€• Joseph Campbell

    The life that you ought to be living is the one you are living! So Live it! Break out of the self-defeating cycle of analyst paralyses on thinking you must understand concepts like meaning, purpose and happiness in order to have them. Do not seek happiness and be happy.

    in reply to: Sad and Confused, Please Help #125170
    Peter
    Participant

    The loss of the future that cannot be, the loss of the innocents of love is painful.

    There is a time for all things and I think itā€™s important to take the time to mourn the loss of the imagined future that cannot be. The experience was and is important to you and needs to be respected.

    Such breakā€™s ups also cause one at a conscious and subconscious level to reexamine their expectations to love. Their relationship to love as it were. This appears to be a necessary part of our journey of growth and realization of LOVE.

    LOVE may be bitter sweet yet that is what gives it flavor, such a realization keeping the door to trusting love open. The innocents of the experience of love may have been lost, bitter, while the depth of Love opened, sweet.

    Despite the post, I have tried hard to stay positive. But, wow, itā€™s really hard to see the bright side all the time.

    There is a time for all things. In general itā€™s ā€˜betterā€™ to be positive and look and the bright side of thingsā€¦ However I think that can only come about after we allow ourselves to honestly experience our experiences. Break ups hurt and itā€™s ok to be hurt, angry, disappointed, frustrated, irrational, confused, relievedā€¦ You just donā€™t want to get stuck in those feelings/memories

    I believe ā€˜trying hardā€™ to be positive might intensifie the swing into negativity when our act of will eventually fails us as any act of will, will. ā€˜Trying hardā€™ when it becomes grasping is a sure way of getting stuck

    in reply to: How to stabilize the ups and downs? #125118
    Peter
    Participant

    Archetypes are the larger-than-life, mythic-scale personifications of the stages that we pass through as we mature. The youth, the lover, the wanderer, the joker, the warrior, the healer, king or queen, the wise man, the mystic, the hero ā€“ each of course has there shadow side.

    The warrior can be a helpful Archetype to tap into, especially in certain stages of life, however if one sided I would think it could be tiring.

    The reluctance or fear of getting lost inside memories and reliving emotions could point to an unconscious repression, a shadow influencing your present in unexpected ways. Reflecting on the past does not have to mean getting lost in memory and reliving emotions.

    Perhaps you might enjoy reading about Archetypes as a way to reflect without getting lost.

    I like the following books
    ‘King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature’ by Robert Moore (Applies to woman as well)

    ‘Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype’ by Clarissa Pinkola EstĆ©s (applies to men as well ā€“ the masculine and famine as archetypes are not about gender)

    And if you want to challenge
    ‘When The Past Is Present: Healing The Emotional Wounds That Sabotage Our Relationships’
    Or
    ‘Shadow Dance’ both by David Richo

    in reply to: thoughts vs reality? #125117
    Peter
    Participant

    Interesting conundrum
    Does our reality create our thoughts or do our thoughts create our reality? Both?

    There is a hermetic saying as above so below as below so above. We are influenced and we influence,

    The question becomes a matter of consciousness and discernment. When are my thoughts influencing my reality and when is reality is influencing my thoughts?

    In this case I would say that your thoughts are influencing your reality. Which is a good thing as that is far easier to change.

    The questions youā€™re asking/telling yourself about your academic back ground and if you deserve the job are not helpful. You got the job and reading between the lines of Iā€™m betting your very conscientious person so will always do your best. Perhaps one of the reasons you were hired. Of course doing your best doesnā€™t always mean you will succeed or not however worrying about failing, especially before you start is also not helpful.

    If you intentionally or subconsciously stepped on peoples toes that may be something you may want to reflect on. However again reading between the lines I suspect that is not something you would intentionally.

    So congratulations on the job, calibrate, be grateful, do your best and see were job leads you.

    in reply to: Forgive and don't forget #125044
    Peter
    Participant

    Forgiveness is an Art and takes skill to practice sadly for many forgiveness has become a platitude.

    Forgiveness is not forgetting itā€™s a letting go. What do we let go of? for one thing we let go of our call for revenge which only bound us more firmly to the ones who hurt us. Letting go of vengeance is often mistaken as meaning a letting go of responsibility, accountability and consequence. But that is a mistake. We can hold people accountable without resorting to vengeance and doing so open the door to forgive them.

    The problem with revenge is that it never evens the score. It ties both the injured and the injurer to an escalator of pain. Both are stuck on the escalator as long as parity is demanded, and the escalator never stops. Lewis B. Smedes

    I found L.B. Smedes book ā€“ The Art of Forgiveness ā€“- and Forgive and Forget – to be some of better books that deal with this concept. Note that Smedes concept of Forgetting is not about forgetting the event but changing the way in which we relive the memory of the experienced.

    Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.

    Once we have forgiven, however, we get a new freedom to forget. This time forgetting is a sign of health; it is not a trick to avoid spiritual surgery. We can forget because we have been healed. But even if it is easier to forget after we forgive, we should not make forgetting a test of our forgiving. The test of forgiving lies with healing the lingering pain of the past, not with forgetting the past has ever happened.

    I worry about fast forgivers. They tend to forgive quickly in order to avoid their pain. Or they forgive fast in order to get an advantage over the people they forgive. And their instant forgiving only makes things worse… People who have been wronged badly and wounded deeply should give themselves time and space before they forgive… There is a right moment to forgive. We cannot predict it in advance; we can only get ourselves ready for it when it arrives… Don’t do it quickly, but don’t wait too long.
    Lewis B. Smedes

    in reply to: No need to read #124954
    Peter
    Participant

    Dealing with critisicm is a skill
    I would recommend Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High by Kerry Patterson
    as a place to start

    in reply to: Rejected by a dear friend #124953
    Peter
    Participant

    Mourning a loss of a relationship without understanding why makes it all that much more difficult..

    The principle of charity suggests that if we are unable to know the reason for someone actions and that there are many possible explanations then to avoid negativity pick the most positive one.

    If I were to guess your friend may have felt abandoned and left holding the bag. Itā€™s also possible at an unconscious level youā€™re leaving challenged and scared him. Perhaps at some level he wishes he had the courage to take a leap but for his own reasons canā€™t all of which you now remind him of. These feelings maybe be keeping him from being able to see that your actions were about you and your well being and not about him. Your leaving was about you not about him.

    Similarly itā€™s important for you to remember that his reaction to the situation belongs to him. Itā€™s not about you.

    You have reached out and I donā€™t see what more you can do other than acceptance. The ball as the say is in his court

    in reply to: Your thoughts on "Subtle Art of Not Giving a F'ck" #124946
    Peter
    Participant

    I havenā€™t read the book but from Goodreads description Iā€™m not seeing any new ideaā€™s.

    For decades, weā€™ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. “F**k positivity,” Mark Manson says. “Letā€™s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it.” In his wildly popular Internet blog, Mason doesnā€™t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it isā€”a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, letā€™s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected American society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up.

    Personally I donā€™t know what ā€œtelling it like it isā€ actually means other than that it gives permission to use poor language and be crass. Iā€™m swearing and being rude so I must be ā€œtelling it like it isā€ and because Iā€™m telling it like it is what Iā€™m saying must be trueā€¦ and worth listening to…

    The writer has a issue with coddling and the think positive movement which leaning to a tendency of being a ā€˜defensive pessimistā€™ I might agree with however my experience those that ā€˜tell it like it isā€™ is that it tends to be one-sided, ether or, and I believe there is a time for all things. The question becomes one of discernment, which it seems is how the author also ends his rant.

    So maybe itā€™s a generational thing. I donā€™t think swearing is necessary, and though it might get our attention it also distracts

    I donā€™t know there are lots of books on the subject he talking about

    Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff … and it’s all small stuff: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking over Your Life – by Richard Carlson

    I liked The Positive Power Of Negative Thinking ā€“ by Julie Noremm
    For many people, positive thinking is an ineffective strategy–and often an obstacle–for successfully coping with the anxieties and pressures of modern life. For example when I am giving a problem , my first thoughts are on what could go wrong and then what I need to do in order to ensure those things donā€™t happen. This process may seem (and is seen by many) to be negative but itā€™s not. Itā€™s just a process and when followed Iā€™m very optimistic that I will solve the problem. But tell me to not worry about what might go wrong and just believe that all will work itself out and well Iā€™m going to become stressed. That said for other areas in my life, for example travel, Iā€™m a strategic optimist.

    You don’t want a strategic optimist building your home but you also don’t want a defensive pessimist selling it.

    I would also recommend Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain.

    in reply to: Broken dream- depressed #124944
    Peter
    Participant

    ā€œThe most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly the one you’ll never have.ā€ ā€• SĆøren Kierkegaard

    You are torn between two worlds, the dream and the choices. You pursued your dream however missing your family you made the choice to return home and now mourn the loss of a dream. That choice to return home was perfectly understandable and valid. But yes it came at the cost that you now mourn and so find yourself stuck

    ā€œIn February, the overcast sky isnā€™t gloomy so much as neutral and vague. Itā€™s a significant factor in the common experience of depression among the locals. The snow crunches under your boots and clings to your trousers, to the cuffs, and once youā€™re inside, the snow clings to you psyche, and eventually you have to go to the doctor. The past soaks into you in this weather because the present is missing almost entirely.ā€
    ā€• Charles Baxter, The Feast of Love

    I relate to the predicament of not being able to take full ownership of the decisions we make. Instead we mourn a remembered future that the decision we made took away and find ourselves stuck and so never living in the present. To move forward you must reconcile yourself your choices, own them, learn what there was to learn and then start again.

    And of all the gifts arrayed before me,
    This one thought at this moment in my life is the most precious.
    And so, we begin again. – The Feast of Love

    ā€œPerhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.ā€ ā€• Sylvia Plath

    ā€œYou never know what’s around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you’ve climbed a mountain.ā€
    ā€• Tom Hiddleston

    1. Goals are something you are acting on. Dreams are something you are just thinking about. Goals require action. Dreams can happen without lifting a finger, even while you are asleep.
    2. Goals have deadlines. Dreams are just, well, dreams. Goals must have a deadline. They have a time limit. Dreams can go on forever. In fact, many people maintain dreams their entire lives without ever reaching them.
    3. Dreams are free. Goals have a cost. While you can daydream for free, goals donā€™t come without a price. Time, money, effort and sweat. How will you pay for your goals?
    4. Goals produce results. Dreams donā€™t. Want to change your life? Your job? Your status in life? Goals can do that. A good friend of mine made six-figures on the ebook he published. He did that. Had it stayed as a dream, his life would have been as it always was.
    5. Dreams are imaginary. Goals are based in reality. You may dream of being Superman, but that is probably not going to happen. Goals are about what you can actually accomplish. They are grounded in the reality of our world. Goals should be big, but not supernatural.
    6. Goals have a finish line. Dreams never have to end. Dreams can go on forever. They donā€™t have to have an ending point. Goals must have a specific outcome.
    7. Dreams can inspire you. Goals can change your life. Dreams can bring you motivation. They can inspire you. But, goals can change your life forever.
    8. Goals must have focus. Dreams donā€™t. Dreams can be drifting, ever-changing thoughts. Goals must be laser-focused. They must be specific and they must be always on your mind.
    9. Goals require hard work. Dreams just require your imagination. Dreaming is easy. Almost everyone has a dream. But, fewer people have goals. Goals are hard and they require hard work. (See #3)
    10. Dreams stretch your imagination. Goals stretch you. Dreaming leads to bigger dreams. They stretch the limits of your imagination. But, goals stretch you. They increase your skills, your abilities, and change you forever

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