Self talk is the inner dialog we hold with ourselves. For example, we do something dumb and we keep telling ourselves were dumb, stupid, ugly, evil as we review the memory over and over.

Voices we hear as coming from outside ourselves, that only we hear, is a different matter.

Wow you sure have put a lot of pressure on yourself. Your goals are admirable however the first step in achieving them may require letting them go. You might be asking yourself how can I achieve them if I let them go.  It’s a change of reference that creates space to becoming and being and such a person who is free of such constraints (like the ones you have put on yourself) will be an inspiration to others.

“What is in a name, a rose by any other name would smell a sweet.” Let go of unnecessary name expectations such thinking is unskillful/mindful.

Likewise, is judging our lives based on how we can only imagine others are doing. Interesting study on about Facebook. Many people become depressed reading the post of others as it always appears like they are having such great lives. Most people only post the good stuff, moments of time, and we never know the whole story. Everyone struggles. No one can know what others are feeling, doing, thinking and if you think you know I would bet if you really look you are comparing yourself to an illusion that you have created. Illusion on Illusion on Illusion… let it go.

I recommend the following books:
‘The Art of Racing in the Rain’ by Garth Stein. Is about a race car driver J
‘The Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho
‘Pathways to Bliss: Mythology and Personal Transformation’ by  Joseph Campbell

“Because memory is time folding back on itself. To remember is to disengage from the present. In order to reach any kind of success in automobile racing, a driver must never remember.” ― Garth Stein

“Inside each of us resides the truth,” I began, “the absolute truth. But sometimes the truth is hidden in a hall of mirrors. Sometimes we believe we are viewing the real thing, when in fact we are viewing a facsimile, a distortion. As I listen to this trial, I am reminded of the climactic scene of a James Bond film, The Man with the Golden Gun. James Bond escaped his hall of mirrors by breaking the glass, shattering the illusions, until only the true villain stood before him. We, too, must shatter the mirrors. We must look into ourselves and root out the distortions until that thing which we know in our hearts is perfect and true, stands before us. Only then will justice be served.”

― Garth Stein

“The secret is here in the present. If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And, if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better. Forget about the future, and live each day – Paulo Cohelo

“Follow your bliss. If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open the doors to you.I say, follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be. If you follow your bliss, doors will open for you that wouldn’t have opened for anyone else. – Joseph Campbell

• This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Peter.

I’m not a Buddhist, a practitioner of religious origination, so may answeres won’t be any help to you.

We are all Buda’s – potential for Buda consciousness, Christ Consciousness, Philosophers Stone, The Still Point – All same.

Why do you believe there is suffering within our world? – The price of Consciousness/being awake

How does this impact the way you live your life? Life happens; you can say No to it or say Yes it, how you answered will influence your experience and story you create for yourself.

What do you believe happens after you die? Return to the collective unconscious

What do you believe your purpose in life? That for most people such questions will only lead to despair so ought not be asked – Unskillful question – notice that when you ‘feel’ purposeful, like joy, you never ask the question, you just are.

Please explain how being a Buddhist and following their traditions answers the ultimate question of the meaning of life? Life has no purpose/meaning, each of us IS meaning/purpose and we bring it to Life! There is no point in asking the question when YOU are the answer.  Go experience Life.

Recommend the book: Art of Forgiving: When You Need to Forgive and Don’t Know How – Lewis B. Smedes

“What was really needed was a fundamental change in our attitude toward life. We had to learn ourselves and, furthermore, we had to teach the despairing men, that it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life—daily and hourly. Our question must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual” – Viktor Frankl

Frankl concludes that the meaning (Purpose) of life is found in every moment of living; life never ceases to have meaning, even in suffering and death

The search for purpose can only lead to despair. It is like hoping to win the lotto when you never by a ticket and still being disappointed.   Like searching for the glasses your already wearing. You can’t search for something when you are IT.

The world would be a happier place if we just forgot about this idea of purpose.

I have seen to many people get hurt when they don’t respect when someone they care about has asked them not to contact them again. (After having all the usual post break up conversations, drama and such. There are usually at least three such encounters – three strikes and your out.)

If you keep calling and telling her you are getting help and going to change, bla, bla, bla… It might work for a time but the odds are against the relationship working out.

If you feel that you need to change then you must do that for yourself and not place that burden onto her. Perhaps once the work is done you might call her, however you must be prepared to learn that she has moved on.

If in time she should wants to contact you, you must be careful that your ready as its likely you will fall back to old habits.  You can’t step in the same river twice.

A love can still be true even if Life requires a relationship to end.

The only way to stop thinking of someone is to stop thinking of them.  To stop dwelling on all the could of, should of and if only we can imagine.  Thus, the practice of Buddhism to let go of the past. And you will… or you wont

The trick is not to beat yourself up when you do find yourself thinking of her. Just notice the thoughts and let them pass through.

“We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality.” -Seneca

“The most painful state of being is remembering a future, particularly the one you’ll never have.” – Kierkegaard