“At the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” – T. S. Eliot quotes .

I was hoping that just maybe you would be able to avoid the exploration of the past and realize that you are already home.  (isn’t that what ended up happening after your break? You discovered that together you were home? … Yet something remains undone…)

On the face of it, it ought to be as easy as saying yes to the past as it was and move forward into the present. Instead letting go becomes  a difficult process to work though… we work for that which no work is required.

I very much relate to what your saying DP. When we become fixated on a thought or memory/past it can become a habit that we can’t look away from and so demands healing in the present.

We are broken and a function of relationships is to heal ourselves. In your situation because you can’t yet take your eyes off the “wall” (that you are afraid of crashing into) there is something that you have yet to learn so you may need to understand how the past is in the present and what to do about it.  Really do recommend the book ‘When the past is in the Present’

Other questions you may want to consider. Why can’t you take your eyes off the “wall”?  Are you afraid of being happy? Do you have a tendency to work against the things you want? Is their a past hurt your trying to heal… are you trying to push your partner away while at the same time hoping that they won’t go… recreating a past hurt in the hopes of healing it now?

I am unable to shake off her past

“In racing, they say that your car goes where your eyes go. The driver who cannot tear his eyes away from the wall as he spins out of control will meet that wall; the driver who looks down the track as he feels his tires break free will regain control of his vehicle.”- Garth Stein

The practice is learning how to direct one’s consciousness and pull it back to the ‘still point’ when it becomes fixated on some thought or memory… especially those connected to fear and uncertainty.

If you want the relationship to continue then let the past go and focus your awareness on gratitude for the relationship you have now. It really is that straight forward.  There is no try only do… no need to torture yourself our you partner.

Recommend the book: When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships Paperback – by David Richo

We all have a tendency to transfer potent feelings, needs, expectations, and beliefs from childhood or from former relationships onto the people in our daily lives, whether they are our intimate partners, friends, or acquaintances.

Do you have any interests? There are communities for everything, from woodworking, dancing, running, quilting, gaming….

You might also want to contact a professional to talk to and who would also know of groups in your area that could help

Yet I feel like a failure for dropping out of the medicine course as it may have been my only opportunity.

I’ve been re-reading ‘The Untethered Soul’ by Michael A. Singer a book that explores the question of who we are. He arrived at the conclusion that “our identity is to be found in our consciousness, the fact of our ability to observe ourselves, and the world around us”.

In other words, you are not your thoughts, you are not your mind, you are not your body, you are not your experiences, you are not your feelings, you are not your memories… You are consciousness that observes thoughts, mind, body, feelings, experiences, memories…  (The authentic ‘I’ is the still point from which all things move,  call it Buddha consciousness, Christ consciousness, the philosopher stone)

From that perspective, you get to step back and doing so direct your consciousness vice letting it run wild. Consciousness is attracted to ‘loud noises’, fear, anxiety, hope…. but undisciplined will fixate and feed what it fixates on. The practice is to learn how to direct our consciousness.

Michael suggests that when we are feeling like a failure that we ask ourselves Who is it that is feeling like a failure. What part of this I is feeling like a failure? If you drill down far enough you will discover this thing you think of as ‘I’ is observing this experience of feeling, and in observing can choose not to let it have a hold on you. (no need to fixate) The Experience was something for you to notice, and once noticed can be allowed to pass through.

We cannot know how our choices may or may not impact our path of experience however knowing that the authentic ‘I’ is the observer there is never failure or loss of opportunity. You are exactly where you need to be for the next experience to happen.

And here is the secret… this place you find yourself moving from is the only place in which you can move from. If your on the wrong foot, the only way to get to the right foot, is by moving from the wrong foot. And when you get to the right foot you know that there was no other way to have gotten there then by having moved through the wrong one.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Peter.

I know this might sound trite however in such a case.  There is No Try Only Do.

What I mean is that if you want different your going to have to do different and that that will require work.

You mentioned that you have all this unidentified anger that you can’t (as yet) release. You might find working with professional in this area helpful and a good place to start. You will also need to change the language you use when relating to yourself. No more cant’s, no more judging your feelings as being bad or wrong. They are just feelings, information, that once felt can be released.

I like your goal. that when you do learn to master your thoughts and the story you tell yourself you could be of great help to others

With regards to the Law of Attraction. Such a practice requires a lot of work as it must come from the authentic known self.  Most people may want to attract happiness but at some level don’t feel they deserve happiness (if they even understand what happiness is) and so we work against ourselves.

Also, most people that study the Law of Attraction, mistake it for Positive Thinking, and  don’t know that it originates with Hermetic Philosophy that consist of 7 laws

1. Mentalism – The All is mind; the Universe is mental.
2. Correspondence – As above, so below, as below, so above.
3. Vibration – Nothing rests; everything moves; everything vibrates.
4. Polarity – Everything is dual; everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites.
5. Rhythm – The pendulum-swing manifests in everything; the measure of the swing to the right is the measure of the swing to the left; rhythm compensates. There is a time for everything
6. Cause & Effect – Every Cause has its Effect; every Effect has its Cause.
7. Gender – Gender is in everything; everything has its Masculine and Feminine Principles; Gender manifests on all planes. (Masculine and Feminine here is not about being male and female. We all, everything  embody’s the Masculine and Feminine regardless of sex)

The mastery of the seven principles is what allows one to master the “Law of Attraction”

• This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Peter.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Peter.

One of the purposes of Relationships is to act as a container were we workout the issues that keep us from becoming our authentic selves. The relationship should provide a safe place to make our issues conscious so that we might deal with it. Often, we will find that our past, (past hurts, expectations, hopes…) is in the present and influencing the relationships in various ways that we may not be aware of. (The TV show ‘This is Us’ has many good examples of how the past is in the present and how the characters deal with them in order to grow) If we never make the founding issues conscious then we will just keep replaying/recreating the dramas/fights until the relationship ends. It is often the pain of a relationship ending that is Love’s last attempt to get our attention.

If you have found yourself repeating patterns within the relationships then you might want to take some time for yourself and examine what it is that you really want and how your going about getting it.  In Relationship we assume we know what we mean when we use words like Love and the expectations we have about love yet very few people take the time to examine their role in love…

“Most people think of love as a feeling, but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present.”  How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by David Richo  (very much recommend this book)

Feeling Bad for Bad, feeling guilty for feeling guilty… I get it and it a lousy loop to get stuck in.

The first step is stop. Stop by noticing that feeling bad abut feeling bad, guilty for feeling bad can only dig the hole deeper.

Your feelings are valid. You matter, Your feelings matter.  You don’t have to apologize for how you feel.  Feelings are information that can help you respond to a situation vice react to it. You don’t have to wield your feelings like a sword, you hurt me so I will hurt you… but can use them to understand who you are and what you need.

You have had a lot of shocks to the system and it is reasonable for you to ask for and take time to sort though them. A professional could really help. There is no shame in asking for help.

I wish you all the best

The Law of Attraction requires authenticity, to they own self be true, so if your unhappy, your unhappy… add to that the difficulty in knowing our authentic selves.    Its to easy to fall down the rabbit hole with the philosophy of LOA so would not spend much time thinking about it.  Just be you, as best as you can be.