I do relate to your suffering and disappointment with “spiritual” teachings. Still I re-challenge you to re-imagine your definition as to what spirituality means if only to let go of your anger.

I no longer equate spirituality with a ‘supernatural being out there’. If such beings exist there is little I can do about such matters and could not spiritually relate to them.

I agree that once one starts down the path of seeking god will lead to frustration and isolation. I to imagine a path where I might have been happier avoiding such a quest.  This I now know. There is no going back.  The questions will continue to haunt one until they push past them.  You may not want to hear this but there is a lot of evidence that the disillusionment and frustration is part of the path of the seeker.  It is during this time that the seeker confronts what they have been taught and their experiences. At this point some will reject it all while others learn to move past the words. Seeing past the words often means leaving the community which is painful but necessarily.

The problem with being a seeker is that we to often fail to notice when we found what we were looking for

• This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Peter.

The thing about being at a dead end in life is that when you realize that this means you don’t want to repeat the steps that lead you there you discover the way open and that the dead end is actually a gateway.

I think you are on the right track beginning working on forgiveness as the story your telling yourself and creating needs redemption.  I found LB Smedes book Art of forgiveness helpful as well as David Richo work. Perhaps “The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them”

I believe we are and or become the story we tell. If such is the case the first place to start is to stop telling yourselves the story that is no longer helpful.

When you find yourself repeating the stories like the ones in this post try to take a step back and really notice what your saying. Try to do so without judgment of good and bad. Seek out any cognitive distortions and notice where you are playing the role of victim or villain. Separate yourself from any victim and villain narrative and identify what is left and you will begin to see what you can do to become the change you wish to see.

Here is a riddle for you: You are not your past, you are not your thoughts, you are not your experiences or memories… Who then are you?

Nirvana is not a place but a state of existence/being. I suspect it’s a state of being where one is conscious of the unconscious and thus awakened to the All. Being awakened/conscious to what you are unconscious off is of course a paradox but as the Buddha taught anything we might say or imagine about nirvana will be wrong. “Nirvana is beyond space, time, and definition, and so language is by definition inadequate to discuss it. It can only be experienced.”

I suspect that such an experience liberates a person from the suffering of the problem of opposites and cycle of birth, death and rebirth of karmic tendencies. In the present that would be freedom from repeating patterns that keep us stuck and stuck dissatisfied with life.

We work for that which no work is required – we get in our own way. I suspect that the experience expands perspective of not just a knowing but living life as it is and discovering we can say Yes to it as it is. Yes to all of life as it is and know that it is LOVE! All of it, the good the bad and the ugly (there is no good, bad or ugly). Wrap you being around that possibility of Yes and know it as Love and you start to sense everything how everything is connected. In such a state, there is no place for stress or dissatisfaction.

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” John Lennon  – I don’t intend to come off as trite however there is a great deal of truth to that.

It is understandable that you are feeling as you do as your taking on a lot in this moment and stage of life.

If possible when you start feeling this way take a breath and notice how your awareness has become fixated on fear. Try not to judge this fixation just notice. Imagine pulling back your awareness to outer perspective and from this space observe the fear. Notice that it’s the fixation and not the fear that has causing you the stress. In the past you have always dealt with the challenges that have come your way so there is no reason to believe that you won’t continue to do so.  Notice that the fears you are imagining are just that imagined. With hindsight notice how most of your fears have been False Evidence Appearing Real (F.E.A.R). Take another breath, notice that life continues and flows despite our worries. Let these moments of stress flow and doing so choosing what your awareness is directed towards.

I do know the as above so below thing and so far it hasn’t helped me in this situation. Yes you can turn around give someone you hate a hug but if the person is not worthy of it and they’re just going to use that to their advantage I say screw hugging your enemy as I’ve suffered enough.

You misunderstand the perspective of Love I’ve challenged you with as well as the riddle. Love does not require you to hug a person or blindly accept anything that they do. Far from it. Love requires that you do not pretend and hug a person you feel is unworthy. Love requires that we hold people accountable. If we do not, nothing we or they do can have meaning or purpose. Sometimes Love may even require that a personal relationship end.

You can end a relationship out of anger, fear, hate or from a place of love. The difference is where the action of ending a relationship comes from and its my opinion that the difference is very important as either choice will change who you are.

If you end a relationship out of hate you will remain tense, angry, always looking for justifications to re-fire and justify the hatred and ending.  Ending a relationship from a perspective of love there is no need for justifications, there is no need for continued engagement, no need for revenge. Its not about your sister its about who you are and hope to be.

You have a lot of hurdles to overcome in your journey of becoming your best self. Such is the hero’s Journey. You can remain fixated on the things you can’t change, envious of everyone’s else imagined good fortune, the unfairness of it all, and doing so allow outer influences to determine who you become. Or you can say enough. These are the challenges I face and I will face them, these challenges are just that challenges nothing more… I will not allow them to change me in ways I don’t wish to be changed.

What if choosing to live inauthenticity is being authentic to one self?

Maybe it comes down to perspective and where you measure such things. If you authentically accept yourself does it matter how others know or don’t know you. Sure, it may be nice to have the acceptance of those you are closest to but is it needed to be authentic?

Does choosing to come out or not to due to fear or society response make you anymore or less authentically you? Maybe its just too many labels or not the right question that has got you down

The thought of wanting to stop the world and get off is normal at times, as is wanting to die when we are stuck. Such thoughts become dangerous when we stop seeing them as our desire to change and grow and instead act on them as an end in them selves.

You appear to know your in trouble so need to talk to someone. Preferably a professional.

Friends and Family mean well however they tend are connected to how they need us to be so talk of wanting to die may/will scare them. It is so difficult to know what to say when someone we care about tells us they want to die. What if we say the wrong thing… are we responsible… maybe we might even feel angry at being put into the situation and react to that…. Best to seek professional help

My own experience on dealing with loss and how to “gain back happiness” was to understand that happiness wasn’t a something that we gained or lost but ‘a something’ that is experienced in the moment when we notice. We are surprised by joy, surprised by happiness. The key to be surprised is to remain open to possibility.  I think that is how we move forward and live life in the present moment as it is, life as it is, and find that we can say Yes to our experiences.

The following link connects to many good talks on dealing with loss http://www.crazygoodgrief.com/the-best-ted-talks-on-grief-growth/