You might Josephs Campbell work helpful – Pathways to Bliss.

The longing to die is often a longing to change, mistaken as wanting to die because change requires “dying”

It is also important to remember that it takes a strong and healthy ego to let the ego go. The ego plays a necessarily role in our interactions. Thus you don’t want to kill off the ego but your attachment of your sense of self with the ego. – You are not your ego, its simply a tool that allows one to make conscious and express experiences.

No theology, apologetic, dogma…. MUST be adopted to develop one’s self/spirit. In fact, Buddha often admonished his disciples not to blindly follow his teachings but test them and verify them through their own experience like a goldsmith tests the purity of gold.  I would go so far in saying that part of the journey will require one to move past and even reject all the dogmas and such. one must leave god to find G_d

The question you ask – do you have to fully accept this theory to develop myself – suggests that you may be miss-understanding the words ‘spiritual development’ so it might help if you state what you mean by those words.

As for the Law of Vibration – I suspect there is something to it – based on my own experience

I always liked the idea of string theory, where it is the vibration of the “string” determines how they interact and create matter.  I’m not sure if that applies to the Law of Vibration or not however I like the picture it creates…. Have you even done the experiment with a magnet and metal filings – how the magnetic field of energy a-lines the filings into the pattern of the field – all the filings vibrating in the same direction, each filing influencing the other to create the pattern… Or have you been at a concert were the music a-lines everyone and you have the experience of being connected to everyone, everyone “vibrating” in the same direction, experiencing the same ‘energy’, emotions….

“Every thought, emotion or mental state has its corresponding rate and mode of vibration. And by an effort of the will of the person, or of other persons, these mental states may be reproduced, just as a musical tone may be reproduced by causing an instrument to vibrate at a certain rate − just as color may be reproduced in the same may.” – Kybalion

You may be interested to read hermetic book Kybalion – you can download a copy for free, just google it.

Coming up with a list of character traits and life choices/realities of a potential partner that would place them on a deal breaker list takes a great deal of self knowledge as well as a mature expectation of Love.

My experience lead to a realization that relationships tend to be experienced on two levels. The level of the stuff of life, jobs, family, hygiene, taking out the garbage… and how such stuff is negotiated, shared, compromise, boundaries, what is acceptable and what is not…

The other level is spiritual (might not be the right word) a sense of being that comes from being seen and known. The sense of self that by being with the other is inspired to do and be more, to expand, to support, encourage, to be present, to be seen as we are the good the bad and the ugly and loved, to be witnessed and to witness. This level is not intended to be lived in 24/7 but touched on and available especially when the stuff of life becomes troubling.

You might think that if you have the second Level everything in the first level would work it self out however the stuff of life will get entangled and confused getting in the way of the ability to connect with the second level. As Well Life demands growth, and if life requires that one person becoming requires taking a job in Canada and the other take a Job in France LOVE may require the relationship to end regardless of, and because of, Level Two.

Having a good understanding of what one expects and needs from the stuff of Life to Grow, to experience meaning and purpose (even though meaning and purpose are subjective, such attributes our attributes of the experiencing love – not a paradox) should be part of go or no go… but not held to rigidly. The stuff of life is always in flux and as you grow older growth tends to move inward … eventually a mature sense of self is not all that impacted by the stuff of life and relationship given greater space

Hi Patrick

Your statement “and now I’m where I am at because of it” was interesting.  Reminds me of the saying “It takes 1,000 ‘atta boys’ to erase one ‘you’re an idiot” and I wonder why we fixate on the negative?  It also reminded me of the saying that “You can’t change others. You Can Only Change Yourself”, which if true, suggests we hold the power to who we are… unless we give it away.

Have you seen the movie “Inside out”? In the movie a part of the psyche refused to accept ‘sadness’ which created the suffering. After watching the move the question I asked myself was how often did I have to learn the lesson that trying to avoid “bad” feelings only creates trouble. I actually cried

It is an interesting paradox that it takes a strong and healthy ego to detach itself from the Self  and doing so enter the flow of the life/death/life cycle – vice fighting it.  Saying YES to life as it (life lives off life) while remaining fully engaged in life.

Ego is defined as

1. a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.
2. the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.
3. (in metaphysics) a conscious thinking subject.

The ego plays an important role in the task of becoming, particularly as the mediator between the conscious and the unconscious. Without the ego it would be very difficult to communicate experience to others or ourselves (definition 2 and 3).

The problem arises when we attach our sense of Self to the ego (definition 1).  When we do this, we unconsciously attach the self and consciousness to our experiences, thoughts and or emotions.  “I” (which is a construct of language) becomes attached to a sense of identity… I am my experiences, I am my thoughts, I am my emotions, I am my ego… I am a construct of language… and we end up in knots, a plaything of emotions and manipulations.   In stead of a flowing consciousness we have a consciousness that is fixated on a emotion, thoughts, experience and all the pain that that brings.

In Jungian psychology the word death is associated with the cycle of life the life/death/life cycle so any letting go evolves a kind of dying. We make space for something else to emerge. It is a leap into uncertainty. A part of the ego that we cling is the idea that we can control the life/death/life process that is LIFE.  Letting go of that is scary so we hang on and the more we cling the more we suffer… and the more we cling….  until we let go… Equals “dying” is painful.

I saw the movie Inside Out over the weekend. It really demonstrates the suffering mind that clings to core memories and personas of the self. Before Riley new sense of self can be established the old sense of self is painfully destroyed but that this was required before the new more mature, perhaps less innocent sense of self could be create.  A process that movie implies is going to happen at every stage of life. Our sense of self is always changing so attaching ourselves to the sense of self (ego) is going to be painful when the time comes when it no longer works for us.

There is a time for everything including attaching our sense of self to our ego and the language construct “I” (which is mistaking the map for the territory).  As we awaken to the process we develop a healthy sense of self that “knows” when its time to let it go and make room for what comes next.

Hi Justin

You noted that you have a tendency to compare yourself with others. This is a good place to start working on in a mindfulness practice. How is the habit of comparing yourself to others working for you? Are there any payoffs you get from comparing yourself to others, even negative payoffs that might reinforce the behavior? Where did the habit come from?

The site has allot of articles associated with this habit of comparison which might help you get started in your practice.

13 Things to Do Instead of Comparing Yourself to Others

The support group sounds like a good idea

It is unlikely that your mother can change the way she interacts with you even if she really wants to. (which I bet she does) The task then will be for you to find a better way in which you respond – vice react – to the experiences, memories, resentments, frustrations, fears…  It is possible. Focus your care taking skills on yourself. Eventually as you work on it you will notice that you can view an experience without attaching your sense of self to it. You can feel sad without “being” sad, you can feel frustrated without “being” frustrated… When you get to a place where you really ‘know’ that difference of feeling and being you will find that you have created a safe space for yourself and I would bet some creative impulse emerges. When it does show up be courageous, no judgments, no labels just follow it and I think you will surprise yourself.

Hara

Sorry your feeling this way.

As this is a Buddhist site I will ask you these questions. Do we make our memories or do our memories make us? If you woke up one morning without memories of your past who would you be? Could it be possible as Aiyana suggest that with practice you can detach your sense of self from past experiences. If so who would you?