‘How do we walk around in a world full of shadow traps?’  As the individuals we were created to be.  Every being on this planet was born out of love.  That is who we are.  Gandhi is right.  Once we change ourselves the tendencies in the world will also change.

Love, one of those words we think we ‘know’. I suspect that if our expectation of love is that we never experience pain, as the song goes, we don’t know love at all. Perhaps then, the shadow traps are not so much traps but gateways to a better relationship to Love ‘as it is’ the pain and the joy. A love transparent to the transcendent blossoming when we are it.

There is a character in the TV show ‘A Million Little Things’ whose Husband had/has a drinking problem, cheated on her with one of their best friends which resulted in a child and has chosen to stay in relationship with her husband, family and friends.

The expectation as we watch is for the drama of divorce and separation. She has been betrayed. We learn that over the last few years she wasn’t fully engaged in the marriage however that is no excuse for the betrayal.  She/we deserve better, society expects/demands it, justice demands it, the cost of betrayal is separation, everyone knows that.

We watch puzzled, the character is determined to respond and make a real choice that comes from within, who she is. There have been no ultimatums, no demands or for that matter any talk of forgiveness.  Only Space. Is this a unrealistic character on tv or is it possible… We watch, She’s done something….

The character has chosen to choose over ego.  This is not a sacrificing of love for love, but Love coming from loving herself. The experience of betrayal opening her up to herself, she is choosing… and has made herself more. She is expanded.

There is a hermetic riddle. As above so below, as below so above. We are influenced yet in the same moment we influence. That is not a paradox. We are part of the whole, inseparable, smaller then small and bigger then big… we are the change we see.

Hi Harshita
With regards to the question: How to become responsible for your own happiness. I really like today’s blog

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/happiness-fun-blog/i-spent-years-looking-for-happiness-in-the-wrong-places/

Nice. Even the God part.

All words are symbols and unpacking a word  like ‘God’ has resulted in millions of books and billions of words so its understandable that each of us relates/triggers to it differently.

I suspect that everyone at sometime in their lives feels this way. There is this idea in phycology called ‘persona’. A persona is a kind of mask we put on as we interact with other. Persona’s are not fake. While at work one would not put on the persona of Husband, Wife, Brother, Sister, Son, Daughter…  that would just be weird.

When we first become aware that we have persona’s, masks, roles to play, its natural to wonder, oh I must be fake.

In Buddhist teaching we are reminded that we are not our persona’s. we are not there role we take on, we are our emotions, we are not our thoughts…  It is however when we over identify with a specific persona, emotion, thought that we are not being real.

For example, ‘I am a businessman’ Everything I see and do comes through perspective of the businessman. When I succeed in business, I’m good, when I fail, I’m bad. You can see how that is going to be problematic especially when the ‘businessman’ needs to relate to others as perhaps Father, Son, Lover, Friend…. The role of businessman is not fake. Its just not appropriate when relating to a partner.

Anyway, you’re are a point where your noticing the various roles you have with the realization that you are not your roles. This is understandably uncomfortable, but not fake. It is through our roles and interactions with others that we learn about ourselves.

My advice for what its worth is to pay attention, play a bit with the roles you take on, what fits, what doesn’t fit, what is helpful what is not.? Are you over identified by a role taken on? If so why?

As you discover this thing that is you, be kind

There are no answers only questions…. That said the following pretty much answers it all

“I don’t get it,’ Caroline said, bemused. ‘She’s the only one with wings. Why is that?’
There were so many questions in life. You couldn’t ever have all the answers. But I knew this one.
It’s so she can fly,’ I said. Then I started to run.” ― Sarah Dessen , The Truth About Forever

“You spend your whole life looking for answers because you think the next answer will solve all your problems: make you a little less miserable, because when you run out of questions you don’t just run out of answers… you run out hope.” – House

 

“The Riddle” – Five for Fighting

There was a man back in ’95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him

Wait, what’s the sense in life
Come over me, Come over me

He said,

Son why you got to sing that tune
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see… You will see

Then he said,

Here’s a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There’s a reason for the world
You and I…

Picked up my kid from school today

Did you learn anything cause in the world today
You can’t live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me

He said,

Dad I’m big but we’re smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we’re nothing at all
Still every mother’s child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me

And Hey Dad
Here’s a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There’s a reason for the world
You and I…

I said,

Son for all I’ve told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the world…
Who am I?

There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we’re not wise enough to see

He said… You looking for a clue I Love You free…

The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel’s eyes
A song plays on while the moon is high over me
Something comes over me

I guess we’re big and I guess we’re small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
Cause we’re all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free
I love you freely

Here’s a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There’s a reason for the world
You and I…

• This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by Peter.
• This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by Peter.
• This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by Peter.

We tend to desire Purpose as an objective experience, a job a passion… but such experiences can’t last. The truth is the experience exists in the moment and like all moments flows by.

Whether you notice it or not, all that you are, as you are, and do is purpose and gives meaning to life (life does not give you meaning you give meaning to life). What your looking to experience then may not be purpose.

Some Quotes on purpose and meaning by – Joseph Campbell

  “We’re so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being alive, is what it is all about.  – Joseph Campbell

“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.”

“Life is not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be lived.”

“We’re not on our journey to save the world but to save ourselves. But in doing that you save the world”

“We’re in a freefall into future. We don’t know where we’re going. Things are changing so fast, and always when you’re going through a long tunnel, anxiety comes along. And all you have to do to transform your hell into a paradise is to turn your fall into a voluntary act. It’s a very interesting shift of perspective and that’s all it is… joyful participation in the sorrows and everything changes”

To think about thinking… Is there anything else we can do while doing it? See while seeing, hear while hearing, smell while smelling, taste while tasting, feel while feeling…

“A simple enough process seems to be in the present and take it as it happens. This though easy to state, is not as easy when it comes to the practice of it.”

The reality is that we are always in the present.  In that sense there is no try it already is. It’s an illusion that the thoughts of the past or the future happen in the past or the future. They occur in the present and we deal with them as we deal with all things as it happens. The practice isn’t to make it happen but to accept it’s how it is.

Hi No-thing

It sounds like you are in a lot of pain. If I’m reading you correctly the anger and frustration your holding has to do with the problem of justice. Lots of books written on that subject and still the idea is not understood.

I get it. Everyday we watch as people that hurt others remain oblivious, untouched and or simply seemingly uncaring about the harm they do. We want them punished. Something about life is wrong and we want to fix it and condemn it.  I get it.

The reality is life is not going to change. The choice then, remain angry and spend your life self-righteously shaking your fists at the heaven’s and all the wrong you see around you demanding Life be different, demanding Life conform to your expectations… or… let it go…

Be the change you want to see, it’s the best anyone can do. (the reality is we always are weather we consciously choose it or not) Stand up when you see injustice but detached (not indifferent) from outcomes.  Life’s will, will be done. How other people experience that is their fate to face how you experience yours is yours. Its one of the few choices we get to make so choice wisely.