Your mention of wishing you could rewind time reminded me of a new TV show – Ordinary Joe – about a guy who wonders what would have happened had he made a different choice at his graduation. The choice was a minor one, who to celebrate with, but it turns out one that creates three very different time lines. Actually Joe is the kind of Guy that panic’s when a choices is required and seems to prefer when others or situations makes the choice for him.  Of the three paths the show explores, all of them have their problems and missed opportunities.

Also reminded me of a Book THE MIDNIGHT LIBRARY by Matt Haig
Its about a woman who life has been full of misery and regret. She feels she has let everyone down, including herself and decides its time to end things. Between Life and Death she finds herself in the Midnight Library  where she gets to sample every timeline that every choice might have created, she gets to undo every one of her regrets and work out her perfect life…

Hi Murtaza

Five minutes after posting the bit about what I was working on I wanted to delete it. A attempt to understand my own thoughts, it was a mess and embarrassing.  Been such a weird headspace these last few months.

I do remember ‘No Country for Old Men’. So many people thought it was such a great movie and I hated it as I found it nihilistic. Giving up to the idea of fate, luck, chance whatever you want to call it is my kryptonite.

I hated the movie because a part of me feared it reflected a truth and my greatest fear. That accepting that as a truth, I couldn’t see how it couldn’t end in despair. And if that the case I want off the ride…

The above actually matches my Enneagram type, both its hope and fear. Observation/Investigation and Detachment is my gift but also my weakness. A healthy detachment and engagement can so easily turn into Indifference, apathy and disengagement. (odd how one’s gifts are also one’s curse, the thing to overcome. Batman is partially responsible for the creation of the Joker. You might argue that one does not exist without the other. But that may be binary thinking)

I also tend to let things happen but then become upset that things haven’t worked out as I think/demand they should have. My challenge is to remain engaged even ‘knowing’ at some level that thigs are and will be as they are and must be. That we are more influenced by things that our outside our control then that we have influence over. (As above so below having more influence then as below so above… still the latter is possible)

I don’t know Murtaza…. Do I think change is possible?

I’ve observed others that appear to do it….  Albert Einstein noted that “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” That a binary either or problem  requires a third “force” , a new level of consciousness, to create the new.  I think that is true but is a something that you can’t ‘will’ into being , one can allow it… A act of will which is  a letting go of ones will.  That is scurry which I guess is why most never do it. (The letting go of will is not passive but very much active engagement which feels like a paradox and likely why its so difficult. )

What are we accepting when we don’t choose… even if an illusion, is still a choice? Another paradox.

Like you I desire to have all the info before making a choice. Unlike you I don’t feel quilt when, as I almost always, get it wrong and desire a do over.  I do though often feel shame which has me wanting to crawl into my hole and disengage. Shame for being a something that is wrong more then shame for having done something wrong. So many places to trip oneself up.

What keeps me from crawling into a hole or immerging when I find myself in one…. I guess I still have a kind of hope. Hope that the “third force” (new level of consciousness is possible) might break the stuckness and point to a Fourth Way.

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” ― Albert Einstein

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Peter.

Hi 03

I think its good to remember the difference between like and love.  I’ve always thought that it was a good thing that the ask was to ‘Love one neighbor as oneself’  and not ‘Like one neighbor as oneself’  as it it always possible to Love someone (or ones pets) in those moments when you don’t like them. (even when Love requires a relationship to end)

I might argue that it is precisely in those moments of dislike when we lean on Love.

Liking and disliking will always  ebb and flow while Love is the one thing that can be practiced as a constant.

Jackie – So sorry for the struggle you find yourself in. Thank you for sharing as I think many can relate.

I read the following from Matt Haig today

A thing my dad said once when we were lost in a forest

We had gone for a run. About half an hour in, my dad realized the truth. “Oh, it seems that we’re lost.” We walked around and around in circles, trying to find the path, but with no luck. My dad asked men – poachers – for directions and they sent us the wrong way. I could tell my dad was starting to panic, even as he was trying to hide it from me. We had been in the forest for hours now and both knew my mom would be in a state of absolute terror. At school, I had just been told the story of the Israelites who had died in the wilderness and I found it easy to imagine that would be our fate to….

“If we keep going in a straight line we’ll get out of here”, my dad said

And he was right. Eventually we heard the sounds of cars and reached a main road. We were eleven miles from the village where we had started off, but at least we had signposts now.

I often think of that strategy, when I am totally lost – literally or metaphorically. I thought of it when I was in the middle of a breakdown. When I was living in a panic attack punctuated only by depression, when my heart pounded rapidly with fear, when I hardly knew who I was and didn’t know how I could carry on living.  If we keep going in a straight line we’ll get out of here.

Walking one foot in front of the other, in the same direction, will always get you further than running around in circles. It’s about the determination to keep walking forward – The comfort Book by Matt Haig

Hi DC

However, perhaps the time has come for me to step back. Should I resign and just “let go” of the situation in the Buddhist way? Am I too attached to this?

Just wanted to say something about the “Buddhist way” of letting go as I understand it. A unskillful detachment often leads to indifference and a giving up. A skillful detachment is a doing by not doing, action and stillness…  In the situation you describe a setting of healthy boundary might involve a detachment from outcome while engaged in the process, being true to yourself.

That said I agree with Anita, as in all things their is a time and now might be a time to take a step back and center yourself. Not as a fight or flight reaction to the situation but a middle way.

There is so much injustice in our world its a challenge to know when take a stand, when to ‘be the policeman’, the ‘social worker’, the’ peacemaker’…  all have their time and place. I feel the most important is that when we act regardless of how (which role we play) we do so from our center, being honest with ourselves regardless of result.

Hi Sputnik

Before Sputnik reach orbit their was were a lot of disappointing misses. Your name then answers your question. Yes, keep trying, learning, growing and one day…

I think writing is one of those things that requires perseverance. A great profession or hobby where one can practice the art of detachment. You are are not defined by what anyone thinks about your writing.  Write, have fun, experiment, take classes, talk to other authors, get feedback, learn, grow, learn, grow.

A few years back I talked to a author  Kathryn Craft  who wrote ‘The Art of Falling’ I believe took here 19 years to complete. Her process involved workshopping with a group of like minded people who wanted to write.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Peter.

Board

It not uncommon to work against ones ‘good’.

I disagree, biologically we are meant to seek our good and what benefits us, most of healthy minded people do, unless you really hate yourself or were programmed to please people instead of your own.

Perhaps that might be true if man was only a biological creature that was mostly unconscious and functioned from the position of the Id.

In what I call beginning stories like Genesis the birth of consciousness comes at the price of being ejected from paradise. (I’m using the story as metaphor not literal historic fact so don’t outright disagree with me or tune out based on that).

The eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil is not the same ‘knowing’ what is good and evil. It is this confrontation with ‘knowing of’ but not ‘knowing what is’ that consciousness arises. – Consciousness and the problem of opposites, duality, are connected. No confrontation or tension, no consciousness.  Consciousness and the garden can’t exist together.

A baby slowly becomes aware of its being as separate from mother (garden), though the tensions of opposites. A baby relieves itself which experienced as good notices unconsciously mother face of disgust reacting to the smell. Something that feels good is reflected (mirrored) back as not ‘good’, not smiling, a something becomes conscious… ‘knowledge of’ but not ‘knowledge of what is’, just a ‘something’, a feeling…

The reaction to a wakening consciousness of the knowledge of but not what is good and bad, is shame. That something about our being, our naked authentic selves is wrong, does not smell ‘right’.. and must be hidden from others and even ourselves.

We put on clothes, personas, that clothes don’t fit. “Relieving” ourselves a biological good experienced as something that smells and wrong so we “constipate” ourselves, working against our good (and the flow of life) working against ourselves. (I know you don’t like the word ‘self ‘ but what ever part of you that experiences you)

I have never met anyone who was so mentally healthy that they do not struggle with the problem of opposites and its implications.

That said you may be correct that the process which involves suffering and getting things wrong is of the greater ‘Good’. That what seems to me as working against my good, even biological good, can be views as being the GOOD as it results in consciousness – Life desires to be conscious of Life which cannot happen in the garden. Thus, Life is never at war with Life, everything is as it must be (like it or not)… I can never work against my own ‘good’ as even my experience with suffering is Life and so  ‘Good’…

Which is not how I experience myself nor is it a tension I can hold for long (sometimes in meditation)… Which is why We work against ourselves – I do the things I do not wish to do and do not do the things I wish to do.  I am a contradiction.

That was fun 😊

but more to the point that you don’t want anyone to agree with you. You wish to be unique in your suffering

If that’s true i wouldn’t feel so good when anita agreed with me, to me agreeing with my point of view meaning the other person understands it.

Did you feel good, do you still feel good about that?

Your confusing me. You have said multiple that “You are a victim”

I will make it simple for you, lets take an example, a raped person is a victim right? Would you call him a victim or would you say “no don’t say you are a victim, that will make you trapped in a victim mentality”?

I acknowledge that i was a victim just like a raped person acknowledge that he is a victim.

A person  can be a victims of crimes and not take on the persona of victim, not ‘be’ a victim.  When I read through your posts I hear a person who’s life philosophy is rooted in ‘being’ a victim. I could be wrong.

Now let me explain why i think the victim definition works for me, similar to rape, bad things happened to the person which was outside of his control and couldn’t do otherwise, and he has to deal with the consequences of this thing the rest of his life, i have been raped, not physically, but mentally, by many ideas and beliefs, by shame and gulit, i was too young to understand, by my mother and father, by my environment, my mother the so insecure person that will blame a child just so she can feel good about herself, that will use him to satisfy her needs and not care about his needs.

These things, ultimately made me choose what i choose now, if you claim that your suffering is similar, then you would ended up just like me, even if i indeed have victim mentality and it is the reason why im so miserable, it wouldn’t matter now, because it won’t be change by me.

The reality is that for most things Life happens to us that our not of our choosing and control. We control very little even if or limited linear ego consciousness likes to think it can. We do not choose to be born, our parents, the traditions born into…. From such a perspective we are all victims of circumstances. So what?

How it is that so many rape victims transcend the experience?

Your making a huge assumption that everyone with the same life experiences as you would come to the same conclusions as you.  You assume that someone can be exactly the same as another and experience the same conditions the some way. A quick observation of others clearly shows that is not true. No snowflake is alike.   You also assume that only such a person could possible ‘understand’ and know you. This is a very limited definition of the word ‘understanding’ and “understood”.

that this is the foundation of your life philosophy, stuckness and anger centers on you being a victim. (could be wrong)

Maybe you are right, does that change anything ?

I don’t know… I suspect that if change is possible we have to own our thinking and beliefs. We don’t tend to do something that doesn’t work for us in some way, even if it harms us. Something in your Life philosophy is working for you but only by owning it will you discover what that is. Only then might you ask the question if it really working for you or against you. It not uncommon to work against ones ‘good’.

“Does it change anything” this triggers my shadow of despair as I also wonder if change is possible, and what’s the point… I’m notice that I’m projecting my need that change is possible onto your posts. I am not saying we are the same, or that I ‘know’/’understand’ you when I talk of shadow.  Actually when we project its not possible to see the other, we are only looking at ourselves we do not recognize.  A shadow consists of the things we do not want to see in ourselves.  Oddly that can be the worst things we fear as well as the best..

I read your posts and find myself imagining a person that has surrendered to being life’s victim.  That is trap I’m afraid of falling into…. again. In those worst moments I wish I had not been born and long for death… but I don’t do anything about it and I don’t live as if I were dead. I imagine a person that lives as if dead would live fearlessly with nothing to lose yet I am full of fears.  I suspect my thoughts of death is really a desire for change which I don’t always believe is possible which I know is a contradiction. Like so many I work against myself.  In that I imagine we are the similar.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Peter.