Hello Peggy!

It has been a rough week. All the grand projects. Exams. I am trying. Really hard. To get better. I have my classes and I tutor two teens to keep myself busy. I go for hour long walks, read novels, color books and meditate. I am not religious but to find peace, I sometimes try to pray as well. Everyone says faith brings peace. I try. After all this, I end up pathetically crying over my ex at nights and without any sleep unless I take some kind of medicine for it. It’s 5 am here. I was planning to go to library to catch up on my long study sessions. I’ll just end up being too sleepy and restless. My chest ache is less now. 

The boy who likes me asked me out. But the thought of going on a date, getting close and hurt all over again….makes me not want to go. 

I come back here again and again to hear kind words I think. I know the answers maybe. 

I am sorry I sound so lost. But I am. Take care.

Rideeta

Dear Anita,

When my parents fought it hurt. I questioned love and romantic relationships. Now that I am little older. I understand. Every romantic relationship faces the test of time and difficulty. My parents did not hide their hardships and fights.

I coped and was strong all those times. A part of me hoped that one day I will have a family of my own. I’ll marry the person I love and very attracted to, get financially stable enough and raise kids. Life had other plans for me when it came to romance. The person I love is not waiting for me to show up. I lose my focus in academics as well. I am in one of the top universities in my country and I cannot focus. Because studying seems useless. If I am not going to build a family, what am I going to do with all the money I earn anyway?!

I know I can donate. Enjoy. Going to places by myself. But it seems not enough. Most of the time.

Rideeta

@peggy thank you for the encouraging words <3

Yes @anita. I need to see a better therapist. And a counsellor again, I think. I had a breakdown last night. The boy in love with me helped. After exams and classes we hung out.

@Peggy, I had anxiety issues since young. I dated my ex for about a year before breaking up. He is religious and I am not. Something he did not want to negotiate.

I try to meditate. It’s difficult. I’ll keep trying.

Thank you for your responses.

I am not okay. I like attending classes but my focus is waay off. About 8 more months till I graduate.

P.S. Thank you Anita. I was hoping you would show up.

Anyone there?