Dear Iloveshopping,

Ugliness is what you find when you ignore the beauty in yourself. Ugliness is what arises from a negative state of mind.

Recognize your own beauty. It is within you, waiting for you to overcome your fears to let it be.

Take care

Dear Tonorli,

Insecurities are in every person. A relationship helps in revealing them more to us and often they are based on perceptions and not reality. This time with yourself could be your opportunity to see the reality for yourself and enhance your self esteem.

Sorry to read about the agony and pain that you are in. Hope it passes soon.

Take care.

Dear Zita

An existential angst, a loneliness, a lack of fulfillment, a fear, a lack of trust.

I believe I can identify with many of these things that you have described. The childhood that you have had is undoubtedly the basis of all these things that you feel. With all these feelings, there is this urge to somehow get away from all these to that state of stillness.

My search for that stillness is still ongoing. During this process what I have learned is this concept of being aware of what is happening and being honest with that. As the level of awareness increases I was able to identify patterns that have their origins in the past by witnessing how they play out on an ongoing basis. This tends to throw up so many beliefs that I seem to hold which intellectually I know are not true yet they are there repeating themselves again and again.

The way out seems to be a hope that I hold on to. As a creation of God I am essentially complete. All these external circumstances have somehow led on to my isolation from this sense of completeness, this stillness. With patience, perseverance and acceptance, I believe I can reach there. In the meantime I have decided to enjoy the journey and learn from whatever it has to offer with a sense of faith and acceptance.

Hope this helps you in some way

Take care

Dear tonorli,

Have you been taking care of yourself, tending to yourself as you heal.

I believe self love is the highest form of love. When you nurture and nourish yourself, you allow the beauty in yourself to shine through. You allow the most beautiful smile to flourish knowing that you are giving your full attention to the most important person in your life and doing what you value the most.

That in turn attracts the person who is best suited for you.

Take care

Dear Naia

You asked “Can a good person do a bad  thing once (and hopefully the last time) under certain circumstances ?”

The simple answer is – yes it is possible. The “bad thing” is more in the intention that you had and that was a consequence of whatever was going on in your mind given all the circumstances that you found yourself in. That is why irrespective of the outcome you are feeling the guilt. The way out is the growth that you have already started the process for – the mindfulness meditation.

Small things start adding up when we are not mindful and become a full blown action when the small irritations are not attended to completely. In the future also, with similar circumstances where you feel betrayed and let down and also with physical exhaustion, the same tendencies are likely to act up. To prevent that mindfulness is a remarkable method that helps you be aware of what is going on and take the necessary action before the escalation takes place.

You are essentially a good person. Don’t let some blips change that. Keep building on those facets of goodness that you see in yourself that add to your worth. Mistakes are likely to happen but don’t put yourself down rather keep learning and growing from them.

Take care.

Dear Valkyrie72,

Hope he is able to give you the chance to be a supportive and positive person in his life. Looks like he is the one to lose if he doesn’t take it. Please take care of yourself.

Prayers.

Dear Sarah,

No one is a mess of a person. Various situations and circumstances make us feel like that. You have been told these kind of things – not good enough, not presentable, nobody worth meeting, etc – by someone else early on in your life and you probably have believed it and repeated it to yourself several times over.

First things to be done I believe is for you to seek help for your most glaring issues – the bonus info that you were talking about. Take it one step at a time, be kind to yourself and you will be on your way to what you truly want for yourself.

Take care.

Dear Aria,

Your impulse for self harm seems to be a response to situations and to an underlying anxiety and depression. Getting to the roots of it with the help of a good therapist seems to be the way forward. With your issues starting at a young age, the feelings that you have probably have its origins from your experiences in early childhood.

In your original post, you mentioned about a fear of losing friends, a fear of disappointing them and embarrassing yourself. You also mentioned about the thoughts of always being the one arriving late in a friends’ life. Understanding the basis of these fears is likely to show you the way towards a complete resolution.

Things are better and I’ve gotten a bit more confident than how I was due to excelling at school and work and trying to just be the person I want to be

Regrets and mistakes are opportunities where you can learn from so that you can increase your confidence and be more of the person that you want to be.

Take care