Dear Anita,

After I read this post, I did a small exercise with my thoughts. I asked myself what do I imagine about. When I imagine, I think of past situations and how future situations will pan out. Invariably the thoughts say that it will be just as the past has been. I made a column where I put my thoughts on the past in the 1st, thoughts on the future in the 2nd and the present in the 3rd.

I must say I couldn’t figure out what to do with the column in the present. It was blank; there were no thoughts in the present. None of the situations I was thinking of was a reality in the present. This exercise gave me a sense of freedom and a renewed interest in living the present moment to the full.

A life well lived in the present, mindfully, paves a way for a well cared for future.

Thank you for this stimulation.

Dear knowledgeispower,

To know about the other person, questioning is the best way as you have planned to do. When you ask him the questions, you are not doing it because you are desperate rather I would see it as a proactive step that you are doing to ensure your own peace of mind. And hopefully get some clarification from him so that you can get a move on with your life and studies.

Dear Spaceman

Some suggestions here

• The effects of medications, in general, wear out as they are removed over a period of time from the body. Take care of your body by proper nutrition, adequate hydration to facilitate this.
• Look for more healthy ways to feel good like exercise, yoga and meditation. Keep reminding yourself that the medication effects will wear out. Try and find a doctor whom you can trust and to whom you can express your concern about medications
• Look for other factors that may be causing your problems, along with the medications, the state of mind that you are in – depressed, anxious – these may be contributing to the inability to feel pleasure. So steps to overcome that will improve your ability to feel pleasure.

Take care

• This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by Prash.

Dear Eva,

Is it possible that you can communicate the situation between you and your sister to those family members who are organizing this get together. So in the event that any problem happens and you need to leave, there are no issues between you and them, the ones that have shown you love and warmth.

Another way of self preparation is visualization and role play where you practice your defenses for the situations that may arise.

Take care.

Dear Neil,

I had been reading what you had been talking to the page over the last few days. One thing kept coming to me as I kept reading your posts and that was pressure. A pressure on yourself, a repeated and continuous pressure;, an inability to forgive, an inability to let go of the past. Sample these

I want to be the person I want to be but I’ve reached a stage where I am totally spent and exhausted.

I want to be compared to the premier league dads and to earn that right, there’s a journey to travel

The big challenge then is to rationalise what we are feeling, identify why and as you said to me, forgive yourself. But how can you ever forgive yourself?

The expectation I had of myself was higher and in not living out the dream, much sadness and sabotaging emotion and feeling has ensued. I expected better of myself

I told myself that each day has to make a difference.

Each day where I don’t take action- no matter how fearful it is, is a day wasted.

I know I will have mountains to climb but if I want peace and inner fulfilment, well, it isn’t going to happen in this version of my life anyway

As Brandy has written, what you probably need is slow things down. When you talk to yourself like that, I feel that is setting yourself up for more disappointment. I believe acceptance is key. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself.

You sure have the means to do what you probably need

If we just observe ourselves and take a back seat and listen to how we feel, respond and then have the mindfulness and courage to explore that, we never stop growing.

Small steps and keep moving forward. We all have so much to be grateful for in this life and the secret is how we remain mindful and in tune with what we do have instead what we don’t

The person who did those things doesn’t exist, it was a version of ourselves in construction that did them and we weren’t complete yet so how inevitable is it that there’s going to be an adverse effect. If we drove a half built car and crashed it because we didn’t fit the brakes yet, we wouldn’t feel guilty- we’d identify the problem, fix it and move on.

Last thing. It is something that I read somewhere (can’t recall the source). None of these things are going to work unless you work, unless you persistently and consistently support yourself.

Take care.

Hope to read more from you.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by Prash.

Dear Lauren,

When a person does the same thing repeatedly and insensitively you really need to start considering if there is a sadistic streak to what he is doing, some kind of perverse pleasure he seems to be having in causing you annoyance.

If I were you, I would definitely take the options that you had mentioned –

I don’t want to talk to him anymore.  I don’t want to hear “I’m sorry” from him anymore.  I want to be done.  I don’t even want to explain myself to him or him explain his side of the story.

If a person can’t show respect in friendship, then it doesn’t make sense continuing the friendship

Take care