Dear Allumena,

There are quite a few articles on mindfulness and meditation in this site itself. Once you start practising it, you will experience a shift in the way you think.

Over a period of time you will focus and define what exactly it is that you love. Till then look for those small moments of beauty and enjoy it in the best possible way you can.

In every point of time, there will be some things that are in your control and some things that are not. When thoughts are based only on those things that you can’t control – like past events and what will happen in the future, a feeling of helplessness can set in. On the other hand when you focus on those things that are in your control, then you will experience a sense of freedom and peace.

What type of books have you enjoyed reading so far? I didn’t understand what you wrote here – “I don’t really like reading unless I can imagine with the book and what and see what is going on through my mind.”

What do you mean by “What you are interested in may be there beyond the fears.”

As an example, you mentioned a fear of driving. But let us say, that you learn to drive despite your fears. When you have learnt to drive, you will become more independent and able to go to different places. These will give you opportunities to come in contact with experiences that are different from yours and thus help you grow. You are very young and a life full of enriching experiences awaits you.

Fear of your dad has its origin from your childhood experiences. I understand that you don’t seem comfortable to read anything against your parents. To overcome your fears and what you have been through, you will need to look towards moving away from these childhood experiences that have impacted you so much. That is probably what your first goal should be. Build yourself up to a stage where you can start becoming more independent.

Dear ras,

You are concerned about the future of the relationship. What we seek from a relationship is safety and security. Knowing that we are loved and appreciated . Knowing that we are missed when we are not around. When that goes missing we become upset and start panicking.

We tend to behave in a way we feel will get us what we want. The behavior is based on previous patterns and relationships and what needs to be asked is if it is serving its purpose in helping us.

Withdrawing and not talking about the way you feel or attacking your loved one with accusations may not help the relationship. Take a step back to watch what you are doing. Remind yourself of what you seek from the relationship.

Firmly, calmly, repeatedly state this to the person what you are expecting. If the person reciprocates, it will be a win win for both of you but do remember that how he does so is based on what his patterns of behavior are. See if you can see beyond that and see if you can find his need for being loved behind any behavior that he demonstrates.

Take care

• This reply was modified 6 years ago by Prash.
• This reply was modified 6 years ago by Prash.

Dear Tara,

Appreciate your honesty and the noble intentions that you have.

Your questions require some time and a bit of thought  to answer in the best possible way.  I will do so in some time.

Take care and wish you the best.