Dear Running,

That kind of wondering can also be a source of stress. 🙂 Try let go and enjoy what you have just described whenever you can. It sure did feel me with a lot of peace.

Dear Maria,

Good to see your response here. Realization is often the first step towards healing. How have you tried the healing process before? Hope to read more from you.

Dear Mouli,

You are hurting and reliving the pain from last one and a half years. It is difficult to move on from a nice and sorted 3 year relationship particularly if the feelings about it are left unresolved.

You need to allow yourself to go through the situation being full aware of what is happening with your feelings. Healing can take place only through this. Suppressed feelings have the habit of surfacing at the most inopportune moments.

A relationship is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and what your expectations are. Maybe that is for later. At this point in time do things that promote your healing – be near loved ones and be in situations that you are comfortable with.

Reminding yourself of the “shitty breakup” will give you the reasons of what was not right about the relationship and why you need to move on. But for now primarily be kind to yourself.

Take care

The process of slowing down is useful to help us find the unconscious/automatic patterns that we go through on a day to day basis. Realizing the causation of some of these does bring out painful feelings. But it also gives us an idea of how many myriad experiences go into constituting what we call – our life and its experiences; This to some extent gives us some freedom from the thought that we were to blame. At the same time, this awareness also entrusts us with the responsibility of doing things differently so that we don’t create more of the same pain. That is empowering.

Dear Preston,

Thank you for your response. I assume that you have posted here to get another perspective on the situation you are in. And I hope some of these questions help you in that. If you are comfortable doing it, you can post it here or just go through it in your mind.

How was this relationship otherwise been?

Were there any incidents similar to this in the past? Situations in which he has chosen to ignore your expressions of affection.

What exactly is – as you mentioned in your first post “destroying” you?

Is it the unanswered confusion in your mind – why has he not been able to see your affection? Rather why is his focus on the stuffed toys?

Why did he get that upset about the stuffed toy? It may be that he associates it with something else in his mind that is disturbing.

Would you be willing to talk it out with him?

Take care.

Hope you are able to make peace with whatever decision you take.

Dear Mary

It is difficult to sustain a relationship when there is dishonesty involved. You may not be able to move out immediately but that is what you should look to be doing.

The work that you are involved is a noble one. I’m sure you have the strength to see you through this situation.

When a door is closed invariably another opens but you need to actively look for it. There may be people who will love your pets as you do.

Hope you are able to see this through

Take care

Dear Kaleel,

You seem to be a very sweet person. Looks like that is what she needs from you – kindness, sweetness and respect. You have written repeatedly about how she doesn’t want to hurt you. It looks like she cares about you.

An open communication of what both of you need from the relationship will be useful. Unsaid and unmet expectations generally lead to confusion.

You mentioned that she has picked up her interests (vegan, nature, buddhism) recently. That indicates that her mind is probably in a state of change thereby causing confusion. Being specific about what each of you want could help you both. You mentioned about changing your attitudes but I really hope that is because you also want to change it and not just because she is causing you to change.

A change that is forced would feel unnatural and could be a source of resentment. Understand your likes and interests, try and understand hers but dont force yourself.

Take care.

Dear Maria,

You have clearly spelt out how your life has been. Could you look at what you want at this stage and start thinking about steps to get there. I am happy to note that you are with some good friends.

Medicines you mentioned have made you feel better. It seems a good idea to seek help and get back on medicines that made you feel better