Dear Olivia,

Is it possible that while with him, what you were experiencing with him was a result of your own healing through therapy?

Have you explored the reasons behind your deep attraction to unavailable older men? Could the basis be your fears, in some way and maybe working on that will help you.

I sense a lot of intelligence and the making of an astute clinician in what I read from your post.

Wish you the best

Take care

Dear Maria,

Thank you again for your response. I asked about your grandmother as you had mentioned her as being your support. Hoping that there is that one person that can encourage you as you find your way forward out of your distress.

Take care

Dear Olivia,

I can offer some questions which may help in gaining some perspective.

A real relationship as you said is not possible yet you think that it’s ok being still in love with him. Are you sure this is not interfering with your life? Is this coming in the way of a future real relationship with someone else that is more on the realm of possibility?

Is a transmutation of romantic side possible when you are very much in love?

As a bright future psychotherapist, what is the best advice that you would have given to someone else who would come to you with a similar situation?

Regards

Dear P,

How long has it been this way for you?

When you interact with friends, what is it that make you “never really present”. What goes on in your mind during these interactions?

What are your sources of happiness?

Who are the others who have inspired you?

Hope the answers for these help you.

Take care

Dear M,

I understand that you have been trying to stick to the present moment. What ways are you trying to do it? During your process what is preventing you from your efforts at being in the present moment.

The answers to these will likely help you in finding direction.

You mentioned about thinking of the past specifically people from your past. If you would like to, you can share about how you feel  thinking of the future is likely to be better than thinking of the past and the people in it.

Dear Elise,

You think that he is someone you could easily spend the rest if your life with, he is always sweet to you and you have made plenty of plans for the future. If he has said those things that your friend mentioned, then he may not be thinking about the relationship the way you are. But you will never know for sure unless you ask him about it. Unless you get a clarification, it will be difficult for you to move past it.

You don’t want to confront him. Maybe you can look for ways to ask him in a way that is not confrontational. Hope the other readers are able to give you some guidance on that.

Dear Julie,

You live on your own and have rent to pay. So by all means I think hold on to the job that you have till you are in sights of a new one.

Have you thought of the job that you are going to enjoy. I think you should give it a good thought with all the details defined so that you are able to correctly identify what you need to move to. You have been in your current job for three years, maybe looking at what you liked about the current job could give you a perspective for the next one.

I liked your quote in the reply in another post. “your perception of me is a reflection of you” 🙂 Useful

Dear Running,

Thank you so much for your insightful posts. Truly appreciate your presence here.

These issues of thinking about the other person – their facial expressions, what is said not said, they kept silent etc and if I might have done wrong, if I offended them, was I being stupid etc. They are familiar territory to me. That used to bother me a lot and occasionally do so even now.

When I am indeed aware of these kind of thoughts within me, this is the line of thought that I generally follow. When I was born, with me there was none else; when I die it is the same. So the most important person, the main character so to speak in my story, is my self; all the others being relegated to side roles. This helps me redirect the focus from the influence that others have on me towards the role of the impact of my thoughts and feelings on myself.

However I communicate, I may never know what is truly on the mind of another person. The only person that I can know for sure is myself and I am the best person on whom I can rely for my support. This helps in gaining a good foothold on the way to my nourishment and growth.

This has helped give me a good foundation in my interaction with others. Not to ignore, disrespect or disregard anyone else but rather to acknowledge and respect myself more.