Dear Anita,

I think she would be sad if I was to go, so I feel that is a big reason for her objection.  I had also mentioned that they would pay for housing, and she said “it’s not about the money,” which is silly to me, because I don’t do things for the money.  Both of us know that.  I almost felt that she was grasping at things, if that makes sense.  I felt bad when I got off the phone with her, being it was difficult to distinguish if it was coming from a place of love and well being or something else.  And I suppose a person could think I would be running away, because the timing is such that I am dealing with some big losses right now.  I do realize that, as well.  But I also recognize the fact that I was offered this now, not last year or the year before that.  Thank you for asking good questions to make me think =)

@Shuying, good day!  Thank you for sharing your situation and information with me.  I am happy to hear that your decision turned out to be so rewarding.  I am sure they were lucky to have you in Cambodia.  What an amazing opportunity.  And the fact that you did it all on your own and by yourself.  That is honorable and rewarding.  I read through your e-book (thank you) and a lot of what you discussed resonated with me.  “There is no right or wrong. Stop your overthinking…” really stuck with me, as did the other portions.  Thank you for responding.  I wish you the best and keep at it!  Hugs, P  xx

Hello @Eliana, thank you for your advice! I do hope that his choice to stop drinking is for his own well-being, regardless of where we end up.  I do admire that he is trying.  Thank you so much for your response =)

Hi @Inky! Thank you for your input.  I can imagine it is difficult to admit there is a problem, being sometimes we don’t “see” it ourselves.  It’s advantageous for us all to find healthy ways to cope with things.  Thank you!

Hello again @anita. Thanks for your reply.  I find truth in what you say, even though it’s difficult to hear, but do realize it.  I think the road is going to be a long one, regardless.  I respect your honesty and truth.  Thank you!

Sending love and thanks to you all.  TB is a great community.  xx

Hi Peter,

Thank you so much for taking the time to reach out. Thank you for validating the safety aspect, even though I still question what happened.  It is good advice to “respect the space that was created.”  I am trying to calmly sit with it rather than let my mind wander to “what if’s.”  I just ordered that book off Amazon…it sounds like a good one.

Thank you!  Take care and I appreciate your words.

Good day Anita,

So nice to hear from you again. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

I don’t know what I was looking for, I guess.  I just feel bad that I haven’t even been married a year.  My parents have been together for over 40 years, so something in me says to keep at it, but happiness does matter.  Marriage is tough.  Thank you again for your response and have a good day!

Take care, P

Hello Anita,

I appreciate your reply, thank you. I also know more about CBT, but from what I understand, EFT is an attachment theory and is focused on improving emotional connection in your intimate relationships. It deals with the ability to recognize your emotions and how they affect others. That would be a generic overview.

To answer your questions, when we first met, he seemed very easy and kind. We were able to have great conversations and spend time together, which is my love language. He seemed very positive and it felt good being around him. This is of course with any new relationship, and in trying to determine what happened, he has mentioned also feeling really good in the beginning (and his depression didn’t seem evident to him either), but with “real life” and daily issues, I suppose things changed.

The fights were first about silly things. One time being I asked him if he fed the dogs (his dogs). He took offense to that and got angry, I didn’t understand, so I got upset. Eventually he told me he felt I was judging him in that he wasn’t taking care of his dogs, when in essence, I love his dogs and was simply wondering if I should feed them. The fights seemed very petty and are many times simple misunderstandings, that I feel he doesn’t understand. Now, the fights become very heated on both sides and we always say the same things to each other and don’t “hear it.” Usually, I like (and need to) talk things out, so I bring something up, and no matter what it is, Ben takes offense or as I mentioned, gets defensive, and then I get angry, and then he gets more angry.

I enjoyed the counselor because I felt that she related to what I was going through, and it was the only place I could talk about our “stuff.” Being newly married, I don’t want to “complain” to my parents or friends. Everyone assumed we are deeply in love and living this happy, glorious life. She seemed to understand what I/we were going through, and the couple times we met separately, she mentioned his perception of truth being skewed and wished he could push through to talk, even if it ended badly. The benefits for me, was to voice my feelings and opinions in a neutral environment and be at least “heard,” which doesn’t happen at home.

I am sorry this is wordy, and hope this information is what you are looking for.

Thanks again,
P