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September 6, 2017 at 3:20 pm in reply to: Do you know a group where people can just talk and share been strangers #167506PearceHawkParticipant
I’m going to look at that place now. Enjoy a peaceful evening.
PearceHawkParticipantRobin I wish I could offer some advice, but everyone here who has answered you have given you solid advice. Each and everyone of them are your safe harbor in your storm. More importantly, I wish I could ease your pain.
Pearce
September 6, 2017 at 3:13 pm in reply to: Do you know a group where people can just talk and share been strangers #167500PearceHawkParticipantI’m getting off line for a while Hopefaith but please do stay in touch. There are some fantastic people here. For me, it’s home.
September 6, 2017 at 3:11 pm in reply to: Do you know a group where people can just talk and share been strangers #167498PearceHawkParticipantI live in Malibu, California. In fact, someday, hopefully soon, I will get to visit India. I want to visit a small village and not so much the big cities. I want to spend a week or so with a family there that can give me a real perspective on things in India, how people live, etc.
September 6, 2017 at 2:50 pm in reply to: Do you know a group where people can just talk and share been strangers #167482PearceHawkParticipantHopefaith what you are doing now, reaching out to this community, is HUGE!!! The fact that you want to make yourself a better person for you is amazing! I say that because a lot of people don’t take the time, for whatever reason, to re-evaluate themselves and explore different areas of their life where they want to be better. Very nice! I know for a fact that there are some unbelievably amazing people here because I communicate with them, via this web site, and I see and even feel the depth of their concern for whatever. You can simply start by asking about any particular issue you are having difficulty with in solving. You can post an opinion you have and ask for feedback. That’s one of my favorites. You can ask the “how do I get over so ‘n’ so” questions. No judgement here, Hopefaith. By the way where do you live? just curious. I actually want to know where everyone on Tiny Buddha lives.
September 6, 2017 at 9:40 am in reply to: Do you know a group where people can just talk and share been strangers #167366PearceHawkParticipantI can assure you, by personal experience, this site is the place you’re looking for.
Pearce
PearceHawkParticipantHi Jade,
I have been thinking the exact same thing for several months now. Your post is excellent in that your questions do not seem to be taken seriously enough by most to make realistic and important changes. So no, you are not blowing this out of proportion. Personally I believe that those questions and other issues that are making this world so damn toxic just happens to be the current state of the world. I think your questions could easily have been asked several millennial ago and, perhaps they were. But it seems to be as far as that goes, just questions. Scholars and social scientists can study those questions, write essay’s and books to share their findings, maybe make the NY Times Best Seller List, still that’s as far as it goes. I think that the vast majority of information put out there by the media is sensational journalism which adds to our awareness of these events. The other day I asked a good friend of mine why have people had such a hostile since day 1. She asked me how long ago do I think “day 1” was. I told her about a man from the so-called ice-man era that was found in the Alps I believe, and the forensics discovered point to murder.
I have noticed those things more and more but I have no idea why so many people are willing to make negative questions. A long time ago when I first took notice of this pattern ill will towards one another, I felt as you do now, sad. My current thinking is realizing that this is in fact the current state of the world. I don’t contribute or condone those very things your question’s propose because I am not part of that world. I choose to live and think in more peaceful ways. I also spend every day at the beach, some times I’ll add in a hike, and I go to a special place in my soul and think about the beauty that really does exist in life. As I am in that special place, I am absorbed by a certain bliss I am not able to describe. And yet the world as it is goes on and on. I think that what you really donât understand whatâs wrong with “my thinking and how I can correct it.” is that there is nothing wrong with your thinking. You are truly connected and aware of its current state as well. To feel sad for days shows how your compassion is affected by this. Believe me, I have sad days as well when a lot of my thinking is diverted to the issues in your question. To feel that is to keep you in contact with the single most important person in pursuit of understanding-you.
It is far from a perfect world in which we live and all I think I can do is go into what I call my “trance dance,” a deep state of meditation, and picture, imagine, pretend, or visualize a world consumed by so much peace and love, and hope that my images change the world. So far I’m not doing so good :/
Here’s what I wish for you with the hope that it gives you good thoughts…I wish you all the love, peace, and happiness that life has to offer, for an eternity longer than a lifetime. It is the least you deserve.
Pearce
PearceHawkParticipantHey David,
One problem in any relationship is fighting. We all know that. But I think it’s a little more basic than that. Eliana said it perfectly, “it might not be a problem with âmessinessâ or her âcontrollingâ your diet, but both of your coping skills and conflict resolution skills.” I think people in relationships, when it comes to fighting, they don’y know how to fight. By that I mean that the original irritant, the very thing that is the source of the fight, seems to evolve into something personal, thus ignoring the original complaint. It gets hostile and things are said that aren’t meant to be said, or shouldn’t be said. So when it turns emotional, the issue then becomes just that, emotional. This forces the people involved to deal with the hostility rather than the issue. It’s hard to recognize that when the argument escalates. I used to be messy too. Guys tend to be messy but for a lot of guys it’s not a big deal. But it really is. My being messy was the source of many a “spirited debate” in my past with my past g/f’s. The arguments came with pendulum regularity because I was messy. Just for clarification, my being messy was taking off my shoes and leaving them where I took them off, the floor was a place to put my dirty jeans, I left opened envelopes laying around. So one day I got sick of the fighting. I took a long hard look at myself and realized that my being messy was the catalyst for a new fight. I looked at how it affected my g/f and I did not like that either. It made her not feel good. Looking deeper into my messiness I realized that my being messy was a reflection of my inner self-it was a mess. I didn’t care. I realized how deeply this inner mess affected my relationships. Time for a change. I took a hard look at what was going on inside of me to see all the things inside me that was a mess. Right away I started to clean up my mess. I became a neat freak as the label goes, but not in some OCD way. My g/f at the time had this look of, “what the hell is going on with you?”. That opened a window of opportunity for me to have an honest talk with my g/f. I told her of how I was feeling about myself, inside, how I know it affected her in a negative way, no excuses. I told her I was not in a relationship with her to make her life difficult, but the way I was, a slob, was making her life difficult. What a HUGE difference that change and talk made. As for the diet, I don’t know the extent that “she even controls my diet.”, but a good way to look at it is she cares about you, wants you around for a long time, and doesn’t want to see you hurt yourself by eating in an unhealthy way, assuming that’s what it is. When a fight starts because of you throwing your jeans on the floor, or whatever, ask yourself if that is worth hurting your relationship. It’s a simple fix.
Pearce
PearceHawkParticipantHi None.
Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. Sheesh. I think that when he asks things like “asking me if at that moment we were chatting I wanted something so I told him I wannahug and kiss the baby,” you should be vague and say something like, ” No, I don’t need anything. I’m good.” The way you answered, ” I wannahug and kiss the baby,” was an opportunity for him to create an “opening” to get into your life a little more, apparently a place where you don’t want him to be because, as you said “I am not that open about my life with everyone.” One option is for you to invite your cousin to brunch, lunch, or whatever, and start off with a simple question, “so how are the two of you doing now that there is a baby in your life?”. I wouldn’t ask that right away. I’d focus on the cute baby at first then ask that question. If she says they are doing great, or fine, then I would bring it up and show her the text. If she says they are having some troubles, you can explore that then show the text. Either way, personally, I think she needs to know. I’d definitely put some distance between you and him, subtle enough to let him know that you don’t need a player in your life. I’m just a little harsh with this sort of thing because it happened to me. It started off with a text like the one you got, too many “private” phone calls, etc. I left to go to the Middle East and when I returned I found out she had been with this guy pretty seriously. You give these kind of people an inch they will take a mile. Should you choose to NOT mention something, things go bad to worse, and your cousin finds out that you have known about this for a while, this could easily be seen as betrayal, it could easily be seen as you were in collusion with him, that your cousin could easily ask, “how long have you known about this?” or “why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Nothing good really comes out of this sort of thing. Distance yourself from him and consider telling your cousin.
Pearce
PearceHawkParticipantHi Cruzzie good to see you…
I sometimes feel the same as you do and I find it to be puzzling at the least. What Diarmaid and Anita offer makes sense so I need to come to a better understanding of what is going on with me as it is to you.
I am really sorry for not being able to offer anything useful to you that you are looking for, but I will continue my search for answers for you, and myself as well.
With peace and love,
Pearce
PearceHawkParticipantKevin,
Thank you for your well wishes my friend. Looking forward to some of, all of your thought provoking questions.
Staring up at theses Redwood monsters perhaps 1,000 years old is, for lack of a better word, humbling. I’m going with a buddy of mine, Gary, that I was in Afghanistan with. So the plan is to go where there is no trail, maybe a deer trail. It’s going to be sort of an extended vision quest. About 2 years after I could walk again we went over Mt. Whitney. OMG!!!! There are stars we will never see down here. My buddy is chomping at the bit, and I can hardly wait, so time to shut down and go dark as we used to say.
Pearce
PearceHawkParticipantHi Mary,
I stopped by a library near the Shasta-Trinity national forest in Northern Cal to see how you are. If you saw this place your soul would be soothed in such a way to make you forget about immature children playing games. Be strong. Be happy. Know you are loved.
I should be back 30 August so I’ll check on you then.
Pearce
PearceHawkParticipantAnita,
As I often times say, I’m not late, I’m early for tomorrow. My friends are here and I’m a little tiny bit late getting ready, but I wanted to acknowledge your kind wishes. The journey awaits. As the song goes, “Louie, Louie, me gotta go.”
My wish to you, Lori, and everyone here while I am gone, is the same as tough I am here, I wish you all the love, peace, and happiness life has to offer for an eternity longer than a lifetime. It is the least you deserve.
Love,
Pearce
PearceHawkParticipantHi Mary,
Please forgive my abbreviated answer as I am about t go on a 3-4 week back pack trip. It’s going to recalibrate me emotionally. Can’t wait.
To answer your question, I never sprung the trap that narcissist’s do in college. I recognized them long before I went to university. It started in grade school, probably 4th grade. It started with the usual bully on campus. So in my opinion, narcissists start out as the school bully. It gives them the attention they need. If they don’t get it from their victim, they tend to increase the effect of bullying. If they don’t get the response they crave in the form of strong opposition, they move on to the next victim. I hadn’t had many friends either, and still don’t, by design. I choose to have extremely few quality friends than to have several friends who mostly are acquaintances. My feeling is for me to be that way greatly reduces myself from getting hurt. In grade school, I had been well on the way to being a student of martialists, although I never did advertise this, and still don’t. There is no need to. By the time I got into high school and college, I was very strong in a couple of styles and Aikido as well. The only way my skills became known is I had to defend myself from some kid who felt a need to shove me out of the line at the bookstore-twice. After the 3rd response what I knew for some reason spread like wild fire. So I was never really bothered by bullies. As far as dealing with narcissist’s goes, I took every opportunity I could to learn about them, to recognize their behavior before it was too late, and how to deal with them. To avoid a very long story about my main source of information on narcissists was I took courses at a place called B.A.T.I., Behavioral Analysis Training Institute. It was difficult at first to isolate that personality because of so many variables that describe them. As time went on it became much easier to identify them. I don’t know what it is about me, maybe my experiences in the Middle East or whatever, but many have told me that I have “this look” about me that I give someone when I feel even slightly threatened or about to be taken advantage of. I have never seen “the look.” đ I don’t feel my facial expressions change, maybe they do. Anyway, recognizing the components that make up a narcissist is key in learning how to recognize them and deal with them. Remember this, they can be patient people as they use this to see how vulnerable you are. Anyway, learn about them every chance you get. I will say this again and again until my time on Earth is up, narcissistic people are very dangerous people to have anywhere near you. When I recognize one, usually at work, I don’t play the passive sheep lost from it’s herd. A narcissist will se this immediately and feed off it.
Learn about this, be very strong and aware, not paranoid but aware. I think that in losing friends because of this will provide you with what I necessary to develop new one’s, those o quality and character.
Pearce
PearceHawkParticipantDear Chloe,
I ask this question to myself nearly everyday, and when I stop thinking about it, it’s not a pretty picture. I have no idea what our purpose is collectively and sometimes, many times I question my own purpose which for me is easier to answer; to try to be better than I was yesterday and to seek out those things that I can help make this a better planet. In doing so I am reminded of the truth you spoke of, that the good is outnumbered by the bad. I sometimes half jokingly tell people that instead of taking a written and an actual driving test to get your driver’s license, instead there should be an IQ test people should take. But because of the very nature that we are that creates a whole new set of problems we would be forced to deal with. I am very much involved with the globe warming issue and while I, along with many people concerned with that research, we as people are not 100% at fault for it. However, we are accelerating it at disastrous speeds. I don’t know what we’re thinking. I think maybe we are not. To not take the consequences seriously and act on them globally has reversible results that are far more damaging than we realize. Bruce Hornsby’s song Look Out Any Window was released back in 1988 if I am correct and it is perhaps even more relevant today. Invite you to Google The Pale Blue Dot by Carl Sagan. Just his very words makes me ask myself, what exactly is our purpose, and while I am happy your post made me think about that again, I have failed to come up with an answer. If we do, then what?
Wishing you peace, love, and hope
Pearce
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