I extensively used online dating services on and off for 4 years before meeting my now fiancé, so I can share a little bit of my own experience. Even when I messaged someone that I wanted to meet them, it didn’t stop me from continuing to browse through the other profiles. It was only once I was consistently meeting up with someone in real life that I would drop off from browsing the online dating world. Dating is just dating to me, playing the field. Unless there’s a mutually agreed on commitment to monogamy between both people, no harm in continuing to look!

I’m going to summarize what you’ve just outlined in your post. You say your boyfriend:
– Is unwilling to be an equal partner in the upkeep of the home
– Criticizes your body, especially when you’re at your most vulnerable/exposed
– Pressures you for sex despite the fact that you’ve been exposed to sexual abuse
– Uses money/finances as a way to demonstrate his superiority over you

I want you to know that when he says you bring nothing to the relationship, he is lying. You do, you have given him your time and energy and commitment; the fact that he does not recognize your contributions to the relationship or respect your needs. You deserve better!

I once read that jealousy happens when we’re forced to look in a mirror at ourselves. I’m actually also in the middle of some “she’s just like me, but better” feelings that I’m working through and trying to process. This kind of jealousy comes from inadequacy, because it’s like the other person’s achievements and strengths shines a light on the parts of us we are most insecure about.

For me, the best course of action is allowing myself to have these emotions, but not letting them control my behaviour. I feel the jealousy, accept the emotion, then let it go and move forward with conscious kind thoughts and actions.

Best of luck!

The choice is yours in the end, only you know what kind of sacrifices you are willing to make for a person.

Maybe my situation will give you a different perspective. I’m 33 and I had been dating my BF for 3 years when I brought up marriage and settling down. He agreed that he thought we were a good match and that it would happen “one day”. Maybe in 2 or 3 more years.

I wasn’t happy with waiting a that much longer, but I thought for him, it was worth it to wait. So I did. And for 6 months I became more and more neurotic and miserable, trying my best to hide it from myself and the world. I’d bring it up again with my BF while in tears and he’d tell me not to cry, and that everything would happen in good time.

It just so happened that after 6 months, my BF proposed to me. He had asked both sets of parents and been busy engagement ring shopping the whole time, saying “maybe one day” to me as a way to throw me off the scene of his surprise proposal.

It was only AFTER we were engaged that I could fully appreciate the dark cloud of disappointment that had clouded everything while I had been waiting for him to agree to settle down. I absolutely hated being strung along like that. (fellas, if you are reading this, please take note!) I am so much happier now.

This isn’t to say don’t wait for him! I waited, and my BF delivered, but it’s no fun living in that in-between world.

Your post reminded me of this column: http://captainawkward.com/2014/04/01/559-does-cant-be-in-a-relationship-right-now-always-mean-with-you-spoiler-yup-sorry/

I have no doubt this guy is a good person, you wouldn’t love him if he wasn’t! But in addition to loving him, you have to love yourself. And that means honouring your own needs and desires. No matter how much potential you see in him (the gift/curse of being a woman), you have to accept that outside life-shattering experiences, people rarely change. The way he is now is the way he will be forever. You need to ask yourself: “am I okay with things continuing like this for 5 years? 10 years? Forever?” Some people are, but you don’t seem to be one of those people, and that’s perfectly fine. Leave, and find someone who wakes up every morning feeling blessed to be with you!

My best friend lost her 22 year old brother last year in a sudden accident and the whole family was so devastated. I’m actually surprised at how quickly she bounced back, but she explained it to me this way: “you’re so consumed with grief, with loss, with accepting that your life will never be the same… but the world keeps going, I still have to tell the Starbuck barista what my order is, normalcy just creeps in eventually.” She still has days where things are tough, but by and large she does everything she can to honour her brother’s memory and live the life he’d want her to. She’s acutely aware of how tenuous life can be now, and focuses much more on enjoying the present.

Bruno, your response is way too flippant and disrespectful, Anyone has asked a serious question and was looking for helpful advice.