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Jade

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Viewing 15 posts - 91 through 105 (of 118 total)
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  • in reply to: The "I wish I'd know why's" #38640
    Jade
    Participant

    Iā€™ve broken up with up BFs in the past and have totally cut them out of my life when I did and it was because in order to heal my heart I needed absolute space away from them. I never meant to be cruel or mean, itā€™s just what I needed to do and I think itā€™s a reasonable way to deal with a breakup.

    in reply to: I need help, EVERYTHING is going wrong :( #38409
    Jade
    Participant

    Friend, you are clearly awesome, youā€™re pursuing a job you love and have achieved so many successes in your life! I say donā€™t give up on doing a job you love and ignore people who speak badly of you. I know itā€™s hard when others try to bring you down, donā€™t give them that power over you! Focus on the positives in your life and know that youā€™ve got what it takes to have an amazing life. šŸ˜€

    in reply to: I’m to blame. I know this. #38355
    Jade
    Participant
    in reply to: Relationship Advice #38068
    Jade
    Participant

    LiveSimple, I’m a lot like you! My partner and I have very different communication styles and sometimes I find I want more from him that he will give me. I get miffed when I text him goodnight and he doesn’t text me goodnight back. If I text him a question, sometimes he won’t reply for hours and I start internally raging at him. But I recognize that I get this way because of how we approach technology; I am glued to my smartphone 24/7 and my partner sometimes leaves his in the car overnight without realizing it! The only way I found to somewhat solve the problem was to outright tell him: “hey, I really appreciate it when you get back to me in a timely manner, can you do more of that?” It’s positive reinforcement! But I also accept that some people are okay with a far less frequency of communication.

    On the flip side of the coin, when I go home to visit my family I am waaaaay less concerned with being in touch with him. During a regular week we will text every night and see each other all weekend, but if I visit my parents I basically am unreachable because YAY FAMILY. Especially during travel it’s hard to keep up routines.

    in reply to: Getting over a break up #38067
    Jade
    Participant

    What he’s doing is very hurtful! But don’t fall into the trap of thinking “what could I do better to make him change?” You can’t change another person’s feelings and actions, only your own. Be better to yourself! Do the things you love and have fun with family and friends who are close to you. The last time I went through a painful breakup, I decided the best thing to do was pamper and take care of myself, so I took a one week vacation with my best friend to Mexico!

    in reply to: How do you deal with "office politics"? #38066
    Jade
    Participant

    In work, as in the rest of life, I follow the motto “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything”. I thankfully work at an office with relatively little drama… or maybe there IS drama, I just don’t know about it because I refuse to participate in conversations that sound anything like gossip. Seriously, I will remove myself from the situation if that’s the case. No good comes from focusing on negativity or petty issues, so I do my best to make sure my own interactions with everyone are cordial and cheerful, and any criticism is professional and constructive.

    in reply to: A Jokester #37864
    Jade
    Participant

    Hi Nick,

    Right now I see my partner once a week, maybe twice tops. During the week we text each other, maybe Skype together mid-week, but that’s it. When we first started dating (3 years ago) it was WAY more intense though, we saw each other 3-4 times a week and Skyped every single night.

    I do miss my partner when we’re apart more than anything else, but I also recognize that our time apart allows me to gather my thoughts and center myself without obligations to anyone else’s needs or desires. Also, I’m a very anti-conflict person (and so is he) but the longer we know each other the easier it becomes for us to clearly voice our concerns and disagreements and annoyances without taking it personally or turning it into a Big Deal.

    in reply to: A Jokester #37768
    Jade
    Participant

    My partner is similar as well, so I feel your pain. I think on our first date, the first thing he did was pre-emptively warn me/apologize over his jokes. Iā€™m a very literal person and in the beginning of our relationship, the joking made me VERY hurt and frustrated. But over time I managed to get more used to it and there were a few reasons why. Firstly, he dishes out WAY meaner jokes to his friends than he does to me, so I know heā€™s holding back out of respect for my sensitivity. And when he does make jokes about me or teases me, itā€™s largely when weā€™re alone or just with our families (so in a ā€œsafe spaceā€ so to speak). So itā€™s a combination of me getting used to his personality and him changing his behaviour out of respect for my feelings. But trust me itā€™s still a struggle, I still have to issue him periodic reminders that itā€™s not a joke if Iā€™m not laughing, and I still feel disrespected sometimes. I donā€™t have a solution because quite frankly Iā€™m still afraid one day he might go too far and Iā€™ll have to end things, but I hope it never comes to that.

    Sadly, a lot of people (men especially) are not taught that the best way to show someone that you like them is plain old kindness and respect. I donā€™t find anything nice about being mocked or made victim of pranks, itā€™s rude and disrespectful. Iā€™m continually boggled that we live in a world where being mean can be interpreted as anything other than being mean.

    in reply to: Managing Myself #37682
    Jade
    Participant

    Sometimes, we set goals for ourselves that have nothing to do what will really and truly nourish our hearts and souls, we pick these goals because we feel like we “ought” to do them or “should” do them. If your sister hadn’t been headgirl, if no one was expecting you to take the same role, would you have done it? Take some time to explore the answer to that question. My guess is that your answer will be no. And now you’re stuck expending all this time in energy into something you don’t truly want to do.

    There are lots of posts on Tiny Buddha exploring passion and meaning, here are a few to check out –

    6 Powerful Questions That Will Change Your Life Forever


    4 Lessons on How to Find the Right Direction in Life

    in reply to: I’m to blame. I know this. #37532
    Jade
    Participant

    Lara, my heart aches for you. I wish I could give you some magical piece of advice that will make the pain go away but the truth is there isn’t, not when it comes to loving and losing. I’ve been there.

    Years ago, I fell in love with my best friend after a year of us being inseparable. When I finally worked up the courage to tell him, he told me kindly but plainly that he was flattered but did not feel the same way. I was shattered, I had been convinced our friendship full of trust and laughter and shared values would translate to something more. What was worse, he was one of my housemates, so I had to see him every day, it was horrible to be in that “look but don’t touch” position. What got me through those tough times was a quote:

    Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don’t expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but if it does not, be content it grew in yours.

    Every cloud has its silver lining. Even our failures and stumbles and catastrophes bring us closer to understanding ourselves and what we want from life. I now look back on that love with fondness even though it wasn’t meant to be. Loving him brought me closer to who I really am and I wouldn’t trade the hours of heartache and crying for knowing what I know now.

    in reply to: Coming to a crossroad how do I make the best decision? #37507
    Jade
    Participant

    My first question would be: have you talked to your boyfriend that youā€™re feeling a lack of romance? If he agrees and wants to figure out ways to make things happier between the two of you, Iā€™d stick it out. But if he isnā€™t willing to hear you out and doesnā€™t seem to care that you are unhappy, consider taking some time apart. I couldnā€™t be with someone who had no empathy for my feelings.

    in reply to: What Are Your Happy Habits? #37411
    Jade
    Participant

    Something Iā€™ve started lately that gives me a little boost is saying thank you to the bus driver when I get off at my stop. Itā€™s a little gesture that shows you appreciate their work, plus I always get a ā€œyouā€™re welcomeā€ or ā€œhave a nice dayā€ back!

    in reply to: I No Longer care What the Media Saysā€¦ #37410
    Jade
    Participant

    Iā€™m also very skeptical of how the media pushes beauty ideals, especially for women. When the most beautiful women in the world (actresses and models) are criticized in magazines for wearing something ā€œuglyā€ or having puffy eyes, what chance do the rest of us have?! We can never be perfect because we are imperfectly human, and perfection is the enemy of greatness anyway. šŸ˜€

    The pursuit of beauty perfection can consume a person, but in the end beauty fades. Iā€™d rather spend my time and energy in cultivating my mind and soul and health.

    in reply to: Favorite Go-To Dinner #37142
    Jade
    Participant

    Wow, these are all far beyond my own definition of easy! For me, ā€œeasyā€ = microwave a frozen meal. I have neither the patience or interest to cook, definitely a side effect of living on my own. šŸ˜›

    Jade
    Participant

    You clearly understand what was wrong with your past behaviour, so remember that anyone who judges or condemns you for your past is not someone you want to be in a relationship with. A true partner will accept that you are human and made mistakes and will support your decision to change your life, regardless of your ā€œnumberā€. Donā€™t buy in to the idea that the number of past partners you had makes you somehow less worthy of affection and a relationship. It does not!

Viewing 15 posts - 91 through 105 (of 118 total)