Dear Anxious Irish, you said “What if she perceives me to be the fat and ugly person I see despite my efforts?”. So what if she does? She’s a bully, that’s what she does. What’s so wrong with being fat or ugly anyway? If you look at real couples and not the ones on tv, everyone has got their flaws and you will see some really “fat” or “ugly” people having a life with no problem.

Your empathy and your sensitivity make you a wonderful person. You don’t have to look like a supermodel to be loved, and even if you did look like one, no one can be universally liked. No one. This might be hard, but I think you need to learn how to love yourself more. You can find some great articles in here that are about self-love and self-acceptance. You don’t have to be perfect. And you don’t have to be liked by everyone. (And you don’t have to prove anything to anyone by going to this wedding.) Also you are clearly an HSP (highy sensitive person) so articles about that will help you as well.

If that still doesn’t help you, a more practical piece of advice I have for you is to down a couple of glasses of wine at the wedding and tell that b*tch a comeback. Something along the lines of “I’d rather be fat than a horrible human being”, or “You’re not looking so hot yourself, sister”, or “don’t you have somewhere else to f*ck off to?” (I do hope my suggested insults make you giggle a bit.)

More importantly, if that male best friend of yours is also going, it would help if you were with him all the time and asking him to be your anchoring point for the night. It’s not shameful to ask for help.

Dear Anxious Irish, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to in order to “be there for your friend”. I imagine that you think your friend will be hurt if you’re not there for her wedding and that’s what’s holding you back from choosing not to go (even though your friend inadvertently hurt you by inviting the devil-woman). The question is how will *you* feel when you interact with that devil-woman. I’d say it’s a very good guess that she’ll try to make you feel like crap because that’s what she does. If you can’t handle that kind of behavior and with your history of depression, I’d stay away from her and f the wedding. I will share with you one of my favorite quotes which was certainly true for me: “before you diagnose yourself with low self-esteem, make sure you are not in fact surrounded by a**holes”.  There’s nothing wrong with extracting yourself from situations that eat you up inside, and putting your mental health above your friend having you there as a wedding guest. Personally the way I deal with toxic people is stay the f away from them.

Also a question that helps me make decisions is: How does the thought of going make me feel? (extremely anxious, worried, upset stomach) How does the thought of not going make me feel? (calm, safe, still stomach)

Of course, that’s what I would do and said it so that maybe it would help you. It’s up to you in the end. Good luck whatever you decide. You are strong no matter what. (also since you no longer work at that job you can certainly tell that b*tch to f off)

This person is isolating you from everyone that would help you. It sounds like he is dangerous. I think you should ask for help whenever you think you can get it. I would call a local domestic abuse line, a women’s shelter and the police and tell them exactly about his behavior and his intentions and let them advise you further. Also I think it’s a very good idea to reach out to your friends and people you trust and tell them what’s going on. Make no mistake; you are not alone, he is just trying to assert control over you and make you think you are. Having an affair with a married man is not a crime. Abusing someone and threatening their life is. I would also consider talking to a lawyer and requesting placing a restraining order on him. Surround yourself with allies. Your life is more important than keeping this affair a secret. Good luck <3