Karen,

You’ve been together for a year and you haven’t met any of his friends or family? That’s curious. Has he met yours? Now, there’s no “correct” timetable for relationships, nor is a requisite that you each meet all the players in one another’s lives, but if there’s a discussion of marriage there should be plans to meet all these people at some point…especially if he has children.

Anita’s right, whatever you feel, insecurity or loneliness is OK – but go that extra mile and ask why you feel that way, and more importantly why you aren’t talking about it with your partner. Are you scared? If so, why? Say (for example…I don’t want to put thoughts into your head, but I need something for the sake of argument) you’re frightened that his workload won’t change and he won’t be around as often as you like. Aren’t these issues/fears best addressed early? You can tell a lot about the health of a relationship if you feel comfortable bringing up concerns with the other person. You should never feel embarrassed or worried about discussing your hopes and fears with your partner…provided you do it in a respectful manner.

As to the issue of you being grateful, well, while gratitude is important, I think the real question you should be asking is, “is this relationship what I want and in alignment with my greatest good?” Again, there’s no right or wrong answer, as we all have different needs. While nobody gets everything that they want, be careful that compromise doesn’t turn into sacrificing who you are.

So be thankful to have someone you care about, but don’t settle. Express your concerns to your partner, work on yourself (which is what we all should be doing, regardless of our relationship status)…don’t be afraid to enlist the assistance of a trained professional like a therapist. If you don’t have a support system while you’re partner is away, it’s key to find someone to talk to in the meantime.

Best of luck!

Aiyana Henderson,

I soak up other’s feelings/energies like a sponge. I’m struggling right now with a very toxic colleague who constantly mutters negative things over the cubicle wall. How I’ve coped is when I feel the negativity seeping in I immediately say, “not mine” and imagine a shield of white light blocking out her energies. (Sometimes I’ll put on headphones to block out the sound, even if I’m not listening to music.) Identifying what emotions are yours vs. others is key to nipping any reaction in the bud. You are only responsible for your own emotions, not those of others. Keep feeding that message to your brain.

Anyone who is empath/highly sensitive also needs to be really good at establishing boundaries. Unfortunately a lot of people take advantage of your nature and will dump all their emotions on you. Until you build up better defenses, avoid or limit your interactions with these psychic vampires. Sometimes I’ll cut somebody off and say, “excuse me, [person’s name], I have to use the rest room” or “unfortunately I can’t talk, I have to get this done.” (Notice in each example I did not invite them to continue the conversation later.) Do this enough and they’ll get the hint to move on.

Hope that’s helpful!

Butterfly,

MMSmith is right, it is possible to be friends, but you definitely need to make sure you’re both 100% healed from the breakup first.

While praying for him is lovely, be sure to not forget about about yourself in all of this. The saying, “you can’t pour from an empty cup” comes to mind. Try, as difficult as it may be, to channel all the energy you have going his way back to you. Be a great friend to *yourself*, and you’ll be on your way to mending your heart.

If you meditate, I would recommend doing a metta (loving-kindness) meditation. Search YouTube or the Insight Time app for one that resonates with you. Typically they start with you sending warm thoughts to yourself, then to someone you love (not a romantic partner), someone you are angry with, and then the world. It’s very powerful. Give it a try!

Best of luck to you!

Hello Crystalminds,

I have friends who are 15-20 minutes away, have smartphones that are perfectly capable of sending text messages/phone calls and yet I’m lucky if I see them once a month! Now, it’s not that they don’t care about me, etc. it’s just this day in age and the culture we live in people are increasingly more exhausted/less motivated to reach out (especially if you’re past the college/new graduate age). I doubt it’s personal. They may be making assumptions that you and your sweetie don’t want to make the drive or want to enjoy the first months together in your new place.

So try reaching out to them and say (word this carefully so it doesn’t come off as needy or an attack), “I miss you guys. I know I’ve been busy, but the next time you all plan a get together, let me know! [Boyfriend’s Name] and I would love to come.” Or invite them over to your new place!

If they’re vague or don’t follow through, well, then accept the fact you are not a priority for them *right now*. Give them space, and if they don’t reach out, well then, maybe Inky is right and you’ve been phased out (again, either out of laziness or, perhaps, out of intention).

As lovely as it would be to hold onto friendships, the romantic notion of “best friends forever” is not always a reality. Circumstances and relationships change. As the saying goes, “people come into your life for reason, a season, or a lifetime.” Treasure the time you *did* have with these people, leave the door open for them to return if you wish, and move on.

One word: Bribery.

Gets me friends everytime. 🙂

I’m joking of course. As others have said, you are not alone. Given all the things that distract one in this modern age (family, job, technology, etc.) we all have very little left in the tank to pursue (much less maintain) meaningful friendships. More and more people isolate themselves as a result. It’s sad.

Still, I’m a firm believer you catch what you want when you do the following:
1) Announce your intention to the universe (which you’ve already done here – excellent work!)
2) Get out of the house/apartment/underground bunker and go outside!
3) When meeting new people, be expectation-free and keep an open mind. This person may not be your new best friend, but they may *introduce* you to somebody else or fill the role of a “supporting cast” member in the play of your life.
4) Keep up doing your self work – the happier and healthier you are, the more likely you are to attract quality people/opportunities.

I met my current crop of friends through a bowling league, work, temple, mutual acquaintances, and a women’s group. Be patient, and it will happen!

Best of luck to you!

Hey salseromario!

First off, bless you for being a teacher…it’s truly one of the most difficult and sadly thankless jobs out there. Some of the most influential people in my life were teachers, and some of my best friends are teachers, so I hold profession in high regard.

My friends who are teachers have all told me stories that are similar to yours…and it’s not just students who suffer from ADD. Kids talking, listening to music on their headphones that are so loud everyone can hear, playing games on their smartphones…in short just being rude and inconsiderate.

After talking to them about it, what really bothered them wasn’t the noise, distractions, or even the behavior, but the fact they felt helpless in doing anything about it and unsupported by parents/administrators.

So what I’m trying to say in my round about way (and Anita touched on this a bit) is maybe it isn’t the noise of the clicking pens, etc. but what they represent that’s making you lose your usual centeredness? Are you bitter that you can’t just ask the student to leave? Upset that you feel like you’re doing a poor job because you can’t concentrate? Do these kids remind you of someone you can’t stand? (You get the idea.)

In the meantime getting caught up on your rest is key. I know I snap at people when I’m hungry or tired! Take personal days if you have to.

I’d also check out resources for people that suffer from Misophonia – which is a medical condition of being super sensitive to noises. I have a relative that has the condition and he has been managing it for over two years now, but it did require a lot of life style changes. Don’t be afraid to discuss this with your doctor to see if you might have this.

Best of luck!