V,
I can relate about being depressed when out of work. Good for you for volunteering.

I like what the Dalai Lama said, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

Fear and anxiety are emotions that come from not being in the present moment. I would suggest that you also have a Loving Kindness meditation practice. Meditating in a group is even better. Daily meditation as a practice is essential.

Being in your body is another great way of being in the present moment. Physical activity like running, the gym, hiking, dancing, walking are great ways of not only being in your body but out in the world.

It sounds like you are not ready for a romantic relationship but you would benefit with a social network of friends. You mentioned you have lost friends. Perhaps it’ll be best to have physical activity friends so you have companionship during your activities and this way you won’t be chasing them away with your anxiety and depression.

It is a losing game if you compare yourself to others so you are where you are in life and make the best of it.

I recommend a therapist to assist you in getting well.

Take care,
Mark

Hi Teresa,
Trying to be in a relationship with anxiety and depression is tough. Medication, meditation and mindfulness seems to be a good approach in how to deal with such situation. I also would look into getting therapy so that you have guidance and support for your challenges.

I wish you well.

Mark

Helen,
I feel that nobody should ever apologize for being poetic. I envy that you can be.

Matt’s responses are consistently are so full of articulate wisdom and love. I am glad that he is able to assist you in your inquiry.

I believe it does come down to The Buddha, The Dharma, and the Sangha to support us on the path in the release from suffering. Here we have our own online Sangha. The Dharma can also come from here like what Matt shares.

Thanks for sharing. I appreciate that you have shared so poetically even if you do not do so in person. I look forward to experiencing more of you.

Metta,
Mark

Paul, 40 years is a lifetime to be with someone as a mate. I invite you to give yourself time to mourn rather than project out to the future with worry. I know, easy to say and hard to do. Stay in the Present Moment with your grief. Fear for the future takes you out of what is going on now.

I wish you healing. Nurture yourself and allow yourself time and space to grieve. Engage in activities that enable you to be with the healing.

Metta,
Mark

Hi E,
It sounds like you are in emotional upheaval at the moment so the best thing I can offer is for you to take care of yourself.

Time to regroup emotionally and in order to do that is to have no contact with him. You would need to be with yourself and the decision you made. In order to get to tha place of peace, you would need to sit with that, be with that, and get use to that decision without him.

I wish you Peace. Give yourself time and best to take care of yourself without any contact with him in order to do so.

Metta,
Mark

Hi Pat,
What a wake up call for you to receive such feedback! It sounds you have something that is deep seated that is affecting your life negatively. Good for you for heeding that call and reaching out to ask for help here (See? You are already changing!). Have you considered therapy to address your childhood abuse?

Any changes of our behavior and response to the world around us takes practice, practice, practice. That rewires our brain, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/demystifying-psychiatry/201311/rewiring-the-brain-eliminate-fear.

http://blog.bufferapp.com/how-to-rewire-your-brains-for-positivity-and-happiness

Mindfulness and meditation are good tools in general that will help your life.

I wish you joy that is within Pat.

Metta,
Mark

Hi iamtheauthor,
Seeing another woman while still married and living with you is a betrayal of trust. My view is that to re-establish trust it must be earned back. What assurances has he made so that he won’t do this again? Words alone are empty. What specific actions has he done or promised to do to earn back your trust and his willingness to work on the marriage?

It is good that you are going through an examination what you really want in your marriage and with your life with your husband. I believe that for any relationship we need to know ourselves first, what our core values are. You may want to sit down and write out what those values are, what you want for your life. It helps when you actually do this and see it in black and white.

You have mentioned that you two have “so many issues” and how you have work around him (e.g. the Peter Pan syndrome) in order to have a relationship with him. I go by what the right reasons for my actions and thoughts. I use the question, “Am I coming from Love or from Fear?” I look at loving myself first. That is the standard on how I make my decisions.

Metta,
Mark

Hi lovinggirl,

It IS painful to live with regrets and feeling that you have made unrecoverable mistakes.
Plus it looks like these are mistakes but who knows if down the line it was the exact right thing to do?

It may help that your actions probably are not the sole reason why the relationship changed for the worse. He is still married and he has been clear that he does not want to “start over.”

I wish you loving kindness lovinggirl and invite you to have the same for yourself.

Mark