Hi David,

First of all, thank you for taking the time to read my post and taking interest in giving me advice. You hit the jackpot talking about self-esteem. I always thought that I beer had this problem, but I just realized that I do. I feel so insecure of being alone and trying new things. I’m always comparing my life to others around me and I feel much less successful. The problem is that I KNOW THIS IS WRONG! I just don’t know how to stop it! A quick example, I have been very interested in beginning to meditate, I have read so much about the good and bad experiences with that that I sacred myself out of it. I’ve read in so many posts about how if one has a negative mind it can attract bad spirits or other negative energy into ones life, I dont need any more negativeness so I just decided not to do it. It’s a total war inside my head, I literally have to fight my own mind to be quiet and stop thinking all the terrible short movies it creates by just thinking a “what if.” It’s like Anna said, I’m just going with life but I’m truly not “living” it. I would love to know what worked for you. I gotta admit that I’ve tried the writing down everything I feel and talking positive to myself, but honestly I do it a day or two. It’s like I talk myself into thinking that it’s going to work but them start feeling foolish and embarrassed if anyone of my daughters found my diary and saw what really goes in my mind. They’d probably think I’m crazy.

Yes I think you are absolutely correct. I need to let my family be. I think I try to control them because I am scared to face any disappointments. It does sound very easy to do, but yet it’s so hard to let go. I need to find myself first and learn what is it exactly what I like. I came from a very small family where dad wasn’t around and mom worked so much that it basically meant that I was raised on my own. I think that’s where my controlling problem comes in, I feel like I don’t want to lose the most important part of my life. Thank you for your sincere and caring post.

Thank you both for your response.

William, it’s true that how we look at things can change everything. It’s unreal how powerful the mind is.

Debb, that is another reason why I don’t want to go to a counselor, I have all thee right answers but never seem to follow them. It would make feel hopeless to have a “professional” tell me what he told you. It’s like you are on your own and just have to go to war with your own mind. I have been really thinking about doing meditation, but to be honest I don’t think I am mentally ready for something that big. I have read a lot about it, and it just seems that first I have to change the perspective on how I look at things to be able to get good results, but that’s exactly my problem…How do I change a lifetime mentality?