Thank you all so much, from the bottom of my heart. All your advice and kind words have sunk in and after spending 3-4 days in total pain – And I mean body aches, physically hurting, yesterday I just woke up and realized WTF am I doing to myself??? HE IS NOT WORTH this pain and heartache. His loss if he doesn’t want me in his life. I texted him a few days ago to wish him a happy thanksgiving and he did not reply back. Been 2 days and it just hit me. I’m numb, not hurting at all. I feel peace and a weight lifted off of me! Glad to say, I am DONE. He will not break my heart again, won’t make me cry. I meant something to him a while ago, but not anymore. I love and care about him but we’re not on the same page and sharing a connection anymore. Who cares why it changed, fact is, it changed. I am so sick and tired of trying to figure out what was going through his head, why things were going badly, why he was treating me like crap and ignoring me, then do the push/pull game… Well, he can go find another person to do that to. I’m going to be okay without him, I have great friends and distraction now to keep him out of my head space.

I wish him well, wish him the best and am thankful I shared good times with him, and he’ll always have a spot in my heart but he and I cannot be friends anymore.

Acceptance feels really amazing!!

I still can’t believe the waves of sadness that hits me at times. I seriously am trying my best to push him out of my head, try to ‘hate’ him and I’ve done a list of all the things that are negative about him, things that show me that he is NOT worthy of my love, my care, my affection and my heart. It’s so easy to pour out on paper but in my heart and mind, he’s still in there. It’s like i still feel a connection from him that won’t go away! I love him and always will.

I can sit here and give advice, know exactly what to say to someone else but then i can’t even take my own advice or stick to it! WTF is that!

I don’t regret meeting him. I just regret allowing myself to fall for him and allowing all this to happen. If only I could go back and have a re-do and handle things in different way then maybe all this wouldn’t be happening. He’s so closed off, and I truly miss him and our friendship.

Matt, once again thank you so much. It stings to read some of what you said (wish I could quote the parts but this forum doesn’t have quote function to use) but it’s all true.

I really REALLY need to work on acceptance and taking full responsibility for my part in the demise of this friendship, but he certainly is responsible for his part as well, maybe even more so. I’ve missed many red flags due to my feelings for him.

Still am hurting and I will for a long time. Now I need the courage to end it. I can’t be friends with someone (I think) I’m in love with, just hurts way too much.

I have a lot of anger within me, and that is what is keeping me from caving and contacting him now. Even seeing him the other night, I KNOW things are different and this week so far he’s ignored me and actually was rude to me as well, no reason for him to treat me badly, yet the longer I stick around, the more he is treating me crappy. Yuck!!!

Parselmouth, OMG, you and I need to exchange emails or is there a PM system on this site? I think we could really help one another right now.

Thanks for replying. I feel for you, big time. I feel the exactly the same as you’ve described!! It sucks and it really hurts, to the core deep inside my heart, but I do know some of this is my own doing by allowing myself to fall for someone that along the way showed me that they weren’t into me as much I was into them.

Will write more to you later, heading out soon. Thanks again.

Well, here’s a little update.

We were texting last week and then he mentioned he was free on his way home from work to meet up for a quick coffee. While driving there I had 100 different thoughts and feelings running through me, but at the same time I felt at peace. Maybe these many months not seeing him (and me not recognizing it?) actually has helped and I didn’t realize how detached I’d feel when I saw him. It was like visiting an ‘old friend’ on some level. Conversation was light and happy so I chose at that time not say too much and bombard him….I can see how things go in the next little while and next time bring up stuff that really has been on my mind.

I did say a few things in a joking manner, which he got right away, gave me a hug and kind of downplayed it. I took that as a hint not to ‘go’ there and just enjoy the company for what it was. One thing I DID say was, I didn’t like how jerky he’s been towards me and he told me that he’s extremely moody and not to take it personally. I just said well, that’s not an excuse and you need to be nicer to me. I left it at that and didn’t want to get into it too much. He did agree and I felt really good saying goodbye and he said next week or the week after we’ll get together again.

Past few days I was okay but then today I got call from an unknown caller (it comes up on my cell as this) and I know he has call block. Texted him and said was that you who just called me? He answered back : What for? So I just texted back, ah okay, thought it might have been you just because of how it came up on my phone. No response back.

Now of course all over again I’m having these weird pangs of doubt, mistrust (again) and if he truly IS sincere with me or if there’s an element of him just having his ego feed. So confusing! Now I am kind of kicking myself that I didn’t lay it out and tell him how I feel and just discuss the past bunch of months and what is really going on with him and why things are the way they are now. I chickened out as I didn’t want to ruin a fun time. Once again, I suffer.

I won’t text any of how I feel to him anymore, done with that as it just hurts when he doesn’t reply back or I get a smart ass answer (like today!). I can’t even bring myself to ask him to pick another time to get together, he has to do that since he said he would set something up again soon. We will see how this plays out and I will do more reading up and thinking – Is he worth it and what is best for me.

I can’t believe how much stronger I feel, it’s like something in me switched a few weeks ago, and I decided not to cry over him anymore, that I was DOONE..and then boom! Here he is, wanting to see me, like he felt an energy shift that I wasn’t thinking about him much at all (it’s absolutely amazing how it stopped, no thoughts in the AM or PM while falling asleep or waking up).

Thanks for reading and would love to hear from Matt and Katie..And anybody else who would like to give their 2 cents!