Put yourself in his shoes for a minute. Even though his wife cheated and they are divorcing, he still needs to grieve the loss. The loss of a life and a marriage he planned with his wife. The house, their friends, he loses his in laws and she loses her in laws. There’s a lot of changes going on and this is something he has to deal with on his own. He can’t ‘give’ to you right now as he has nothing to give. He can’t put you first, be your lover and make you number one priority so he has chosen to back off and keep it simple – Friends. if you can’t handle it, then do give him space, try no contact for a while.

He is quietly telling you in his own way that he won’t commit to you. You have these dreams, think he’s your soul mate…..What if he felt that but now reality has hit and he has changed his mind or as he is telling you only wants friendship. He doesn’t want to be responsible for your life, which is why he’s told you to move on, date others. When a person shows you who they are, believe them!

You invested a lot into him and your heart is so into him, we get that and he may have felt that way but right now he can’t handle it. If you truly love and respect him, continue with your counseling, keep busy, focus on yourself and friends in your life and allow him space and time to figure things out. If you push him and not give him the space he needs, he’ll walk out of your life for good.

You both have made mistakes and both have cheated. Neither one of you is any worse or better than the other. I hope you both can really communicate and listen to one another by going to marriage counseling and creating a new healthy and happier dynamic, one that helps with trust, respect and honouring your marriage vows. You two do love each other, if there wasn’t any love left, one of you would have left and filed for divorce already.

Start bonding and spending time together as a couple, remember what it was that you made you fall for her back in the days when you were dating and woo’ing her. take her out on a date and have some fun. Bring her flowers and romance her. She can do the same for you as well, making extra efforts to bring back the intimacy and wanting to make you happy.

Have faith, don’t give up. And most of all, forgive yourself for mistakes, as well as her.

Jeff, my heart hurts for you. You are a kind loving person and your boyfriend totally took advance of you, you gave, forgave and still had open arms for him. He is a real jerk and cruel to do this to you. This is ALL on him, not you. It is not normal behaviour to do what he’s done.

Just know in time you’ll see you’re better off without him. As you detach after grieving this loss, you’ll see all the red flags that you chose to ignore. (We ALL do that when in love, justify the loved ones behaviour.)

Take care of you, be around those who love and care about you and let them help you through this painful time in your life.

I hope he returns the cat, it’s not right what he’s done…

No contact is the only way to go and it is painful but you will heal quicker. Staying friends and talking, being in his life prolongs your heart from letting go and you’ll stay on that awful ride of the emotional roller coaster. I just posted something similar to your thread here actually. Hope it can help you as well…

I say, let the anger out, write down what you feel and why. It’ll help give yourself closure and also let you grieve the loss, let go of hope and make you see that he isn’t worth fighting for. His loss, though I’m sure it doesn’t feel that way right now.

I am grieving too, still and it’s going to take a while to heal. Just be good to yourself, most of all. No point of regret and beating up on yourself with the ‘I should have done this or that’ thoughts…All that does is make you feel worse and sad.

Stay strong and vent it out as much as you can. Most of all? Keep your humour going and make sure to really laugh and have fun with your friends, it lifts your spirits up and is so helpful.

Take care.

Is there a friend or any family member of hers you can talk to? Boy it seems like her parents gladly walked away leaving you to look after her. Talk about abandonment!

It isn’t your responsibility to be her keeper, and for you to feel that she may hurt herself or worse, kill herself because you end things with her is not a good spot to be in. She needs help badly, so there has to be a way to get her family back in her life again.

You have your kids to think of and they have to come first. You’re not married to this woman. it is a sad and unfortunate situation…But you need to do what is best for you and your kids.