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LilyParticipantDear anita,
today I got up before 7 and went for a morning walk. It took longer than planned, so I could not start working at 9. But in the afternoon I did work on project A. It was easier than I thought to figure out the software, but I am not satisfied with everything.
Weekly review:
Last week overall I think I did pretty o.K. I still wish that I was more productive. But I am doing better than before and this thread helps! Thank you for reading my posts.
1) Project A: I did finish the drawing of the cover, so I am pretty satisfied with myself. Now there is only the editing and layout left to do. I think I should first finish working on project A (and B), before working on another project. I did well enough on this.
2) Project B: I filled more than 3 pages, so I also reached my goals there! I still want to continue working on this project, whenever I become overwhelmed by project A.
3) Cleaning: I did well enough on this and cleaned most days. Right now my room looks a bit messy again, so I should pick some things up, after I am done with this post.
4) Exercise: I did o.K. Yesterday I did no exercise, but on most days I did a few minutes. Maybe I should do something harder, to release stress.
5) Food: I did not too well and ate a lot of sweets. But today I ate none and feel better in my body. Also, I cook healthy meals most of the time, it’s only the sweets that are the problem.
6) Fun things: I tried a new recipe, but not the workout.
What I would like to improve:
– I would like to reduce my internet consumption and not use distracting websites before 10 am
– Always get up at 7 during the week
– Work at 9 and then again at 2 and stick to those times
Goals for next week:
Mainly the same as last week, working on projects A and B and trying to go outside once in a while to stay grounded.
Tomorrow I would like to work on project A, get up at 7 and work for some time starting 9 am and 2 pm. Exercise or go for a walk and clean for a few minutes.
Thank you for taking the time to read and reply always. This thread is helping me to find some balance.
LilyParticipantDear anita,
I wanted to write today and ask for your input. My anxious feelings come up again and again. I have obsessive thoughts about the past and about what I did say or did not say, all that I did wrong and I cannot win against my own thoughts. I worry a lot about having hurt people. Mainly by my own social awkwardness, the assumptions I made about others and then ghosting people, when I did not know how to handle the situation.
There is this overwhelming shame. I feel ashamed for even small things. For example, a few weeks ago a craftsman came by to fix the refrigerator. He was late and it was around noon and I did not know when he would arrive, so I started cooking. Then when he came and started working, I still cooked and felt awkward, I even hid the cookbook. What is there to be ashamed about? Why do I feel the constant need to hide myself?
I wish that I had not hidden myself in the dormitory. Maybe I could have even found a friend. I exclude myself, punish myself. There is this fear of making mistakes, of not being accepted. It would be better to face the fears, because if I don’t, they will grow bigger and bigger.
My question is, how do I overcome this overwhelming shame? How do I let go of the past? The shame feeling is not helpful at all. It makes everything worse. I only become more afraid and obsessive.
LilyParticipantDear anita,
today was not such a productive day. At least I managed to paint 1 1/2 pages for project B.
Otherwise, I didn’t get much done. I ended up binge-watching a TV series… So I will do the weekly review tomorrow.
Also, I plan to not use distracting websites in the morning until at least 10 am. And I think it works better if I set some more specific goals for myself.
So I want to get up at 7, start working at 9 and in the afternoon at 2. I have to spend some time on the book cover (layout and editing) or at least try to figure out this new software.
Hope to do better tomorrow! And I hope you had a nice Sunday! Take care!
LilyParticipantDear anita,
it was more of a calm day for me today. In the morning I painted two pages for project B until the afternoon. Then I ate something, cleaned my room, painted some more and now did 30 minutes of yoga.
During the day sometimes I still felt anxious, but am now feeling better. I would like to take some time now to read a book just for fun…
Tomorrow I would like to do a weekly review, also exercise or go for a walk, paint and clean.
LilyParticipantDear anita,
today at work it was o.K., but I still struggle with my social awkwardness. I wish social interactions could come easier to me, but at least I have learned a few things now and have become more self aware. Sometimes I wish to just stay by myself to not make any more mistakes, but at the same time I miss human interaction so very much.
After work, I finished one painting for project B and did ten minutes of yoga: I did not clean up, but will clean my room more mindfully tomorrow. Also I want to work on project B, learn more about how to digitally edit pictures with the new software, go for a walk or do yoga.
But for now, I will go to sleep. Good night or a good rest of the day to you, anita!
LilyParticipantDear anita,
thank you for your tip with the stevia! I might try it out, as I also have a big sweet tooth. Today I also didn’t manage to eat any sweets, but at least I did not binge eat like before… I don’t know why during the last few days I did often overeat.
Except for the sweets, I managed to do the things on my list. I started working in the morning a bit later than planned, but in the afternoon I started earlier. Still, I would like to learn to take myself more seriously and stick to my plans!
Today I finished my cover illustration, the drawing part that is. I still have to digitally correct the images and add typography. For that, I also have to learn some new graphic programs, as the ones we use at uni, are not affordable.
I felt really satisfied with my drawings! It is a good feeling to finish something and I did like the drawings. Even if nobody will ever care about my drawings, I plan to always continue. What else am I, without them?
The recipe I tried turned out o.K.I made some sort of miso soup with vegetables. It looked pretty and the taste was o.K. But the best thing was that I learned a new way of preparing tofu. It tasted really good and had a texture, I had never achieved before.#
Tomorrow is my workday, so I will take it easier with my goals. So I will either just work on project B, or scan all my illustrations for project A. I also want to quickly clean up and do a bit of yoga or walk home from work for exercise.
Until tomorrow!
LilyParticipantDear anita,
today in the morning I went for a walk. The snow is melting, but the ground is still icy. So I have to be careful not to fall. I also saw the first snowdrops blooming. Spring is not far away!
I managed to work on my book cover again and the biggest part of it is done. Only one or two more days and I will be finished with it.
Overall I am satisfied with myself today… Only I wish to be faster and get more things done. But at least I am getting better at it.
Tomorrow:
– Do Yoga in the morning
– Start to work on my projects at 09:00
– Try out a new recipe
– Work more starting at 2 pm
– Clean up for a few minutes
– Eat no sweets
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by
Lily.
LilyParticipantDear anita,
the snow started to melt here too. Maybe now the winter is finished…
Today I am feeling more satisfied with myself. In the morning I saw my therapist. Everything was fine, but soon the therapy sessions will be over, which worries me a little.
Later I talked to my best friend on the phone, which made me feel motivated. After the call I worked on my sketches and am more happy with them today. I will continue tomorrow and am confident that I can finish the cover illustration this week. Maybe it will not turn out perfectly, but right now I am more about finishing my projects, so I can meet the deadline I have set for myself.
I also cleaned up and did 20 minutes of yoga. So I did not do too badly today.
For tomorrow, I want to continue to work on my projects, go for a walk and all of that.
LilyParticipantDear anita,
today there was snow here! I didn’t expect any winter at all, so I am happy. Did you go for a walk in the snow?
Today I did my to-dos more or less. I only did half of the yoga practice and also ate some unhealthy things. I managed to clean for 10 minutes.
As for the book cover, I did start sketching and have some ideas now, but am not entirely satisfied. Tomorrow I want to work more on the sketches and maybe decide on one.
So or tomorrow I have the same goals as for today. Hopefully, I can concentrate better tomorrow. I will put my phone far away from my bed so that I don’t start my day mindlessly…
Have a good day and thank you for helping me out in my accountability journey!
LilyParticipantDear anita,
there is not much snow here, but it is still cold. Is it still snowing where you live?
Today I went for a walk, cooked vegetable curry, then worked for uni and did some very easy yoga.
So far this thread helped me to become more balanced and calm myself. But I still feel I am not productive enough. But at least it is a small progress.
My weekly goals:
– Most important things everyday: Work for uni + exercise / daily walks
– I want to work on project A, it is almost finished. Only the book cover, layout and printing is missing. This week I would like to work on the cover
– When I feel stuck with project A, I can work on project B, which is some sort of a sketchbook with watercolor paintings. It would be nice to fill up at least two pages.
– Cleaning: Clean my room properly once a week, daily 10 minute clean-ups
– Exercise: I would like to do more yoga, dancing or go for walks.
– Food: Eat less sweets and drink more water.
– For fun: Try out a new recipe and try out this dance workout I wanted to do for some time. Read in the evenings.
For now those are my weekly goals. I can see how it goes and reevaluate next week.
Tomorrow:
– Work for uni: make sketches for the cover
– Exercise or go for a walk
– Clean up for 10 minutes
– Have a water bottle next to my desk
That’s it for now. Until tomorrow!
LilyParticipantDear anita,
I am glad to know that my posts here are pleasant for you to read! Hopefully, I will be able to keep it up and continue to motivate myself.
Today I went for a walk early in the morning. It was very cold, the lake in my neighbourhood was even frozen. Some people were walking on it, but the police called them out to get off the ice…
After that, I had some hours where I was a little unproductive but in the afternoon I got some things done. So it is o.K., better than before.
For tomorrow I have the same to-dos as today, but I also want to write down some weekly goals. And I want to eat better tomorrow, as today I ate too many sweets.
Have a good day!
LilyParticipantDear anita,
Today I did go to work, then painted for a bit and did 20 min of Yoga. I also danced to Mahalias song “Hide Out”, which made me feel confident and empowered.
Work was not bad at all. In contrary, I felt like my colleagues really like me and today I also did my tasks pretty well.
Tomorrow plans: go for a walk, work for uni, maybe yoga, journaling, reading…
Until tomorrow!
LilyParticipantDear anita,
yes they like the mussels 😉
Today I managed to draw and do yoga… It doesn’t sound like much, but it is a small progress that I did a bit of these things every day.
Tomorrow is my only day of work, due to Corona. Last week the clients seemed upset with me, so I feel a bit worried. But, I will just go and see.
After work I would like to also work for uni and do some yoga, even if it was just for a few minutes.
LilyParticipantDear anita,
thank you. I hope I can do it. Maybe I should make lists of what to do in each of the three scenarios.
Tomorrow could be a challenging day at work, so maybe it is a good occasion to practice and not fall into negative thinking patterns again…
LilyParticipantDear anita,
thank you for taking the time to read through my old threads and always trying to help me.
When I am calm, I can see that I am an o.K. person. Today I am feeling much much calmer. The extreme anxiety feeling is almost gone. Worries about mistakes still come up though. And then I am still feeling fear. But not like in the past two weeks. My body feels far more relaxed.
I can see myself as a good person, overall. Just sometimes certain things trigger extreme self-deprecating thoughts, where I am seriously starting to question myself. Then I ask myself if I am this horrible, manipulative person and I mistrust myself. I am starting to look for signs in my behavior that I am bad and I look at articles about covert narcissism and looking for symptoms for that in myself. Or I am imagining in my head how I hurt myself. It is hard to get out of this when I am in this mindset. But certain tools like going for a walk or talking to someone can help.
Rationally I can see that what you say is true. The extreme criticism from my parents made me extremely critical of myself. But when I am in this negative state of mind, it is still hard to get out of.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by
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