I have never completely understood the rich person who stays alone until now. Should this person go out and demonstrate and protest those who take up all the friendships and admirers that can accumulate? Should they protest their greed and their opression of others receiving admiration or friendships?

I never cared about money but I wish I had a lot of it right now because at least it would protect me from people. I could live somewhere where I wouldn’t have to see anyone and spend time with nature.

I don’t have money so I am trying to think of a way to be cordial but not engaged. That is even difficult because they always find a way to insult me and engage me. I want to think of people like I think of the rain. It’s just there but not engage with it. I am trying to avoid them in the rooms and be indifferent. I feel like they feel cheated if they can not hurt my feelings and if I do not want to engage with them they will engage with me and when I did want to engage with them they ignored me.

As a poor person how do I can I pretend I am alone? I have to pretend because I do not want to engage with people anymore.

This forum is not engaging. It is a source of information for me and for your sake I will say I appreciate it.

Thank you

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by Lisa.

I’m sorry to bother anyone. I am not a person stuck in a body that is supposed to be a person so I can not stop speaking because I have a mouth and a brain but I am not a person so please do not call me one. I am not here to get you to say that. I just want to be able to communicate this with someone as I am alone with no one to help me.

Do you know what it feels like to be a non person and have awareness as well?

There is nothing for me to do.

No way out of where people put me.

Then they talk to me like nothing is the matter.

Zeeza thank you for your helpful post and for wanting to give me a worry stone. I actually do collect stones. Want to say more but not doing well right now and trying to change my mood. Just want to say thank you for the moment.

Lisa

Zeeza,

Thank you for your supportive post. I like the ideas you presented and appreciate them.

I want to take care of pets when I have my own home and can be there most of the time. I do take care of other people’s pets though so I do spend time with animals.

I also do try the other things you suggest like music.

I believe in the title of my thread but I am not going to sound very optimistic right now.

I want to say that I appreciate your post and I am sorry it took so long to respond.

Thank you,

Lisa

• This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by Lisa.

Anita, thank you for your answer. I do often feel the way you describe in my core beliefs but you can include women in the basic creep description as well. Insecure women have to passive aggressively take down others.

I appreciate your evaluation without knowing all the facts but I am not imagining bullying. I am very sensitive to it. My only problem is not being able to regulate my reaction to bullying through having experienced since birth and hormones.

I have had people I should trust play games with someone they think they can to get me out of work and friendships. To not acknowledge that these people exist only in my mind does not keep in mind my intelligence. I have a problem with emotional regulation because of almost constant hurts but my mentally abilities are too much intact. I often wish I was blissfully unaware that I would be a happier person. People flock around others with problems (name them) but they treat women with hormonal problems and bully victims like they have something they should stay far away from.

My biggest fantasy is to become very very very successful and go back to my places of work and let former abusers see they can’t do anything to me anymore and that I am untouchable.

What I was upset about yesterday was because someone bought something that upset me as a vegetarian. They made a big deal to tell me what it was they were buying. I had been in trouble the day before because I left work after a parade of women who couldn’t possibly be that dense gave me a really hard time and one yet again commented on something she knew would upset me.

Are there more people who are dense than I thought? I am starting to believe that. I always knew there were bullies but now I have to come to terms with this? No one puts up with my issues but I am supposed to be sensitive to everyone else?

My mental abilities have got me physically in a place where I am surviving. I do not have hallucinations.

Oh how I would love go quietly flaunt my success around everyone who pushed me aside and belittled me. How I would love to run the place and be their boss. I would treat them the way they should have treated me. Show them how they should treat others that they work with and make them work in an environment where they can not push anyone around.

Poor little bullies. What would they do if someone made them behave themselves?

Zeeza and Anita I will answer shortly. I am sorry to just be getting back to you..Thank you both for your posts. I will be able to respond in a few hours.

Lisa

Happy New Year Anita

My eating consists of Breakfast Lunch and Dinner and I sit down for all three. I have been doing very well and have a lot more energy. I am also following an eating disorder app that has helped me before and is really helping me again. It covers all eating disorders. Mine is emotional eating.

I have also rewritten my goals again. So many to work on but I am trying to consolidate. Whenever I get the urge to binge I think of what that keeps me away from and it has kept me in check. I am not starving myself. I am being extremely mindful of my choices and no junk food. I am also trying to make everything myself so not to rely on processed food. Drinking water too!

I am not sure if I shared this before but I have an even bigger obstacle in something called maladaptive daydreaming. I have been relying on this since I was around 12 years. Anyone who knows how old I am knows how long I have been using this coping mechanism. I am completely aware of what is real and what is not so it’s not delusional. I have however used this as a way of coping with my situation.

I do not engage in maladaptive daydreaming when I am with other people but a great deal of my time is spent on it. This is a challenge because I have become quite accustomed to it.

Well anyway, feeling good about mu eating habits right now.