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LeenBee

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  • in reply to: Divorce after 34 years together #301285
    LeenBee
    Participant

    Hi Jenn,

    Firstly I want to say how sorry I am for what you’ve been through. It is the most devastating thing! To be turned away after being together so long. For not being appreciated for all you were and did for them. And the sense of abandonment and pain – it’s deep!

    My husband of 20 years said the same thing to me in July 2016. And then it came out two weeks later that he’d actually found someone else. I tried but nothing I said or did would change his mind. I moved back to my home town in February 2017, taking my three teens with me. At least I had them. But they would go to visit their dad sometimes and the loneliness was unbearable.

    All I can say is that it gets better! It’s been nearly three years now since he told me, and two and a half years since the divorce has gone through. I’ve worked hard on my healing, focusing strongly on self-love and self-care. I’ve joined a dance group, found hobbies and interests to bury myself in, and been as gentle with myself as I possibly can. It’s not easy as self-love wasn’t always my mantra. Making an effort to go out to friends and family, sometimes even when I’m tired, has also helped with the loneliness. The last time my kids went away, I had finally reached the point where I could relish in the silence. It has taken me years to get there. Yes, I wouldn’t say I prefer to be alone, but I’ve learned to find good in it.

    I’ve also learned to find a sense of freedom and independence in being single. Many days I long for someone in my life, but other times, I love being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, without having to answer to a husband. Sure, I need to consider my kids, but it’s different. There’s a certain magic to being single. Yes, one day I’d love to find someone – at the right time, but for now, I will try to find the joy in this season of my life. It takes time to get there, but it’s possible. I was very attached to my husband and my whole life revolved around him. So, if I can get here, I know you can too.

    Could you possibly not find a room mate to live with? I know some people aren’t wired to live on their own for long periods of time. If not, a cat or dog? Or even a bird. They can be great companions.

    I sincerely hope that you can find the joy in the small things, find a support network around you, and find the deep healing you need.

    Much love,
    Kathy

     

    in reply to: Broken up (literally) #123777
    LeenBee
    Participant

    I’m so sorry! I know how it feels to go through a breakup. It literally feels like your life is coming to an end, no matter how the relationship was and how the person treated you. I’ve just lost my husband of twenty years to another woman. I don’t want him back because I can never trust him again but right in the beginning of the breakup, I begged for him to come back. I tried everything to win him back but nothing worked. Then one day, I realised that he wasn’t good for me anymore and that I was better off without a hurtful relationship. That if I really loved myself, I would only find someone who respects me and cherishes me. It’s still difficult and some days I’m lonely, but I’m getting stronger. Give yourself time. Join a Facebook support group, find some friends who can listen to you and do things with you. Be easy on yourself. Pamper yourself. Everything doesn’t have to be done today. You may feel tired a lot. Cry a lot. You may battle to sleep. Don’t judge yourself or expect yourself to suddenly snap out of it. Be compassionate and give yourself time to grieve and then to heal. Time is a healer, but it takes a different amount of time for each individual. And be prepared for the five stages of grief to hit you at different times in no specific order – denial, bargaining, anger, grief, and then acceptance. The first four will fade and the last one will become stronger. If you really feel desperate, please talk to someone – call a hotline or meet with a therapist or even call a friend in the middle of the night.

    Praying you find your way through the maze of grief and pain and find a better life. I’m learning things about myself that are wonderful. I’m growing as a person. Yes, I wish it never happened but I’ll be a better person after all of this.

    You didn’t deserve to be treated like this. You are worthy and beautiful and one day, I hope you find someone who treasures you and doesn’t treat you like a possession they can just throw away.

    in reply to: Dating Advice Needed #123775
    LeenBee
    Participant

    Thank you, Anita. You are very perceptive. I still don’t understand all the psychic messages I’ve been given, but I’ll keep my boundaries clear with him.

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)