Joe,

I totally hear you. As other people have pointed out these are completely normal feelings for your age.

If it’s any consolation people who are “balling” at 18 I’ve found many time were peaking early. By the time they were 30 many of these a-holes had terrible skin and an alcohol or drug problem. By the time they were 40 they were in a miserable relationship if not divorced and looked like hell.

What I got from this is that those who don’t quite fit in, who have to make an effort to find themselves and their community are MUCH better off. You make choices because they are right for you and discover where you should be and what you should be doing. This is a much better life. It’s harder in some respects, but early signs of aging, alcohol bloat, and drama-filled divorces are a lot uglier. Finding your way to a better life will leave you better off. Keep searching.

Great question! (And that’s awesome you’re a copywriter. I’ve studied copy as well — both when doing voiceovers and when writing for myself and other people — and it totally tightens up other writing.)

There’s a quote that I heard somewhere which really made sense to me and it goes something like this: I write to figure out how I feel. Some writers are obsessed with outlining before they start. I sometimes use that, but it’s usually after I’ve engaged with the idea by writing some passages. I’m not sure what I’m really thinking until I’ve written.

And I get the impulse to write when something has pissed me off in ways large and small. I have the thought and then grab whatever paper and pen are near and begin.

If I may suggest a book on writing? How to Write Funny has been so instructive. It gives you strategies to gets laughs. I write a lot of satire in my sketch comedy characters voices (both in video and in print) and even though I have a lot of experience with comedy and good writing, this book has been a recent guide to bump up the laughs even more. Sometimes having concrete structures around writing and help generate ideas.

It sounds like a big change.

One thing came to mind: how about being able to get other colleagues in your office? I guess that would be having a similar people working in your office as you had with your previous office. This way you can bring together this lovely community.

Starting your own thing is harder, but ultimately you can make it your own. Maybe changing office locations could be key, etc. You can make it cozy. You can create community. This is harder, but ultimately, you’ll own the whole thing and can reap the financial rewards. I just hung out with a fellow comedian the other day who talked about how she opened a salon in the Caribbean about 10 years ago. It was the hardest thing she ever did – to be isolated and to take on all that responsibility. But in the end she’s making more money than ever which gives her so many more options, life-wise.

First of all, how incredibly brave of you to even admit these things happen to you. It’s the first step.

I’d say, step by step things can get better. It will be an ongoing process, but if you are both committed you can do it.

One thing I do hear form your writing is how much you are angry with yourself for how the relationship has evolved. You’re taking responsibility for what happened and are taking steps to heal … the next step is to forgive yourself (IMHO).

And … as is something I talk about a lot … try to make art around it? Even if you don’t share it with anyone. Writing, shooting some pictures or a video/vlog, might make you blow off some steam. I make comedy videos based on my sketch comedy characters and it’s helped me through a lot of healing!