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Lud

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  • in reply to: How to stop my feelings from a guy I dated shortly #153856
    Lud
    Participant

    I have been in the same situation and overall only time heals. Getting busy is very important as you realize life is not only about love (the romantical one, at least) and in many situations we will be utterly alone, so the most important relationship you have to work on and nurture is with yourself. It is important to acknowledge and sit with your thoughts and emotions as they come and not always try to run away from them. Believe me, sometimes a little bit of pain works as a balm for the soul, and eventually you will be thankful for having been through all of this.

    Also, avoiding hearing from him is very important. No social media, no pictures of him in your gallery, no saved messages, I would delete everything… our mind can play very tricky games sometimes, and keeping memories of him will only make your brain edit and idealize the situations that you went through together,

    Lud
    Participant

    I have been in a similar situation, well, not quite similar, but one that also involved moms.
    My then fiancé wanted to get married and have kids and that seemed perfectly fine for me, but in the 3 years that we were in a relationship never did he want to introduce me to his family and friends. That felt like a punch in my stomach because of everything I had done for him and all my time and efforts invested in this relationship. I know it may seem selfish but I wanted him to acknowledge me to his family for all I did, and I thought I had earned it. But the furthest I could go was getting to meet his dog. He only took me to his house twice and I only meet his dogs. He said his family didn’t have a healthy relatioship and they were always arguing. I know the real problem was his mother, so I told him he could at least introduce me to his sister, cousins, aunt or uncle… I just wanted to be known by any of them. Turns out he felt push against the wall and bailed out on me.
    I know he has his heart in the right place but he could not stand up for me or our relationship and I still miss him, but I know I deserve better.

    in reply to: Broken up, Broken Hearted and Very Lost #110989
    Lud
    Participant

    I think that exploring someone’s suffering through the roots of their childhood might be helpful at some point but not at the brink of despair. I have been going through the same issue, feeling lost and in despair after my break up, and there’s not much we can do about it. You got to feel what you got to feel. Let all emotions come to surface and one day, at some point, you will feel that enough is enough, at least for that time. Talking to people is also very helpful, don’t hold your emotions or feelings, and most of all, when you feel like you’ve had enough, surround yourself with good things, such as books, series, going out with friends, whatever nourishes you. Accept what life brings you, what happens to you. Don’t question it, live it.

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