Thank you all for your responses. I really appreciate the advice and kind words.

@Inky: It is a challenge to truly love him for his flaws and all, especially when at the moment I feel so angry at his flaws. But you’re right, that is true love. Also, the Whole Foods example is hilarious and so true. I’m sure once I’m out of the house I might appreciate the the things that he did/does do that I’ve overlooked.

@Anita: I did and do get quality time with my mom. Now looking back and observing my family with a clear lens I can see that she overcompensates/d to compensate for my dad. I really appreciate that she tries, but feel bad she feels she must.
Also, I agree that I shouldn’t try to get water from a rock. He hasn’t been intentionally cruel and is positive to be around so I think I won’t do no contact, but at the moment while I’m processing all these emotions I feel like I need to distance myself and not interact too much with him right now. It hurts too much.

@ZoeJoy: Yes, trying to fix the wounds from my dad through other men will never actually fix them. It’s also something I’m working on. I think that yes I should and will forgive him, just I need to grieve more before I do. I actually feel empowered to be angry at him since I normally try to suppress that anger. In the past I have given him that love, asking him to hang out with me and talking with him about his life, but it gets old when I have to make most of the initiative to hang out. There’s something messed up and sad about a daughter repeatedly asking her father to hang out with her. I guess right now I’m not at a place to forgive him, but I will.

@Snails: He talks more with one of my brothers. They share more common interests so they end up discussing things like sports a lot. He does spend time with my mom although he does zone out and watch tv… when she’s talking at times. It’s not that he doesn’t make it a point to not communicate with me. It’s just that he doesn’t take much initiative so he only spends more time with my youngest brother and my mom because they reach out more than I do. Actually my dad is extroverted and knows and talks with everyone. He’s the really friendly guy on the street who would introduce himself and find a topic to talk about if you just moved in. It’s just that that’s as close as he lets you get to him. I will definitely take the different settings advice once I’m at a place where I can forgive him. He is open to hanging out with just me.