@aschristyseesit Thanks for your perspective as well. I will definitely look at those sites!

@Inky I will keep an open mind, that anyone can be a good friend.

@anita Good to hear from you too! And thank you! I actually think I used to feel uncomfortable/intimidated by strong/assertive women. Now, as I’m becoming more assertive/strong, I’m attracted to these women. Perhaps that’s why I am in the process of exxing my old friends.
I did share with my friends my problems. I made an effort to give information about me and what’s going on in my life so I know it wasn’t about them not knowing me.
To be honest, it felt good to be the therapist/healer. I felt like I was impacting their lives and helping them. On the other hand, I started to feel crappy about it because I felt they were taking advantage of my listening skills and not hanging out with me because of who I am as a person. I soon realized I should be charging (haha), that there are qualified therapists out there for them and that, while I wanted to support my friends, I wanted to be their friend, not therapist. Oh wow, anita thank you for the thought-provoking questions…I have realized why these friends need to be exxed.

@Vesper: I’m so glad to hear that! It is a tricky transition. From your prior post I did more introspection as well and realized that this doesn’t really have anything to do with my family. It has to do with me and my transformation and journey into being more authentic and discovering who I am as an individual. It’s unfair of me to put my discomfort and awkwardness on them (as seen in some of my posts). They have their own journey and if they are happy with theirs all the more power to them. I’m just going to focus on mine, try to refrain from judging, and provide support should they need it. Seriously thank you for your prior post. I was a bit hesitant at first. It forced me to push my ego aside and realize what I was doing and change it. I feel a little better already.

@Vesper: Thanks for your perspective. I didn’t look at it that way before.

@blueskies123: oh and btw welcome!

@nmalb097: Ya, it does sound like it’s in reverse. It is too hard to be these extreme versions of people we think we are supposed to be. In reality they are more like shells.
It feels good for me to be bitter because for once I’m acknowledging those”negative” emotions I have repressed for so long. To me, it feels good to say “my day sucked” if I had a sucky day or visa versa because it’s the truth. I’ve received messages from my family that it’s not ok to have “negative” emotions (aka my parents get really uncomfortable). Also I thought I wasn’t enough just being me (a normal person that feels the rainbow of all emotions) so I put up a front of being the “happy, nice” girl. I watered myself down so other people and my family could feel more comfortable. Right now it feels unnatural to say “this is fun” or “I love this” because I’m afraid I’ve gone back to the person I used to be. Little by little, if something is fun I’m starting to say it or think it. It’s baby steps.
I cringe when I think I used to be like that. All of a sudden I notice many more fake people but also some not fake ones. My family seems content with where they are now. It’s hard for me to accept that. I don’t think I’m projecting, but am questioning my family.
It’s really scary to accept more “negative” emotions and show them (but try not to throw them on my family). It takes a lot of mental work to remain authentic around them because I can feel the triggers and myself slide back into that “happy” girl. It’s getting less. I’ve been in my room a lot of the time which I’m starting to believe is unhealthy. Then again, it acts like a cacoon.
I try to act like myself around them and it’s painful and awkward. My mom keeps asking what’s wrong and that she misses me. That hurt because I’m right here. She misses the daughter who would agree with her and smile. She doesn’t like the person I really am nearly as much as the fake person I was. Then again, who wouldn’t be bummed about someone who used to always agree with them who suddenly doesn’t? haha.
The quote is beautiful and true.
Welcome to the forum:) Your questions and post have helped me think deeper about being authentic. From your post, it sounds like you are an authentic person. Thank you.

@Anita: Ya, it’s painful; but it beats being fake. Your post was helpful. Thanks:)