Dear Jojo,
I have sympathy and your feelings of guilt. Since you talk in Christian terms – guilt is a product of the devil. Guilt is evil. Or, I can simply say it is not a useful tool to help anyone and so should be removed from the toolbox of helpful things. Knowledge of what is right and wrong and compassion for yourself and others are useful tools and so use those to the fullest.
Guilt is like a punishment; it like hitting a kid who lies, and telling him how bad he is. Knowledge is sitting with the kid, and explaining why he shouldn’t lie. A kind God wants us to learn and that is it. He does not want to punish. That is a myth that is leftover over from days where people make sacrifices to the gods to please them.
I hope you can first of all have compassion for yourself, and understand that you were seeking connection like all human beings. You are also know that you have hurt her because she wants something more.
But you are not responsible for her feelings. This is great lesson that is expressed over and over again on this website. It is really true. Think of cases where a parent abuses a child. That child, even with horrible things done to him, once he is an adult is still responsible for his actions.
You are not responsible for her. She needs to take responsibility for herself. You should not feel bad about ending contact with her, just end it in as a loving way as possible. She will probably not be able to move on unless you end contact with her, based on how you describe her – maybe like in a year from now, you could just be friends. But if you do stay in touch now, I think you need to tell her your boundries and stick to them, one of them being – I will not respond to any accusation.
Best

I agree with everything said above. Sometimes you just need what people say to jibe with what is in your heart. There is no way this man is the one who is going to care for you and love you. No way. He hasn’t had time to learn how to treat a woman right. By the time he does, you will have moved on. As far as letting go, the biggest way to start helping yourself, is to take a step away from the thought of him, have compassion on yourself, and say to yourself, O I am thinking about this again. Look, there go those thoughts again. After you accept it for a while you can let the thought go, until it comes around again. Thoughts and feelings are not really us. They are just our attachments to this world. Our true self is full of compassion, and tries to look at these thoughts with compassion and even humor – Ah, yes, from the perspective history of the whole human race – look at this thought tangle I have.
Well, and of course there are many other ways to move forward, and create your beautiful life, but that is one to try. Take care of yourself.

My advice is to think of your looking for a job as a full time job. Set aside 40 hours week, and try to spend your time “off” doing things you enjoy. Even if you have other little things to do, don’t let that take time away for your “job” of job searching – you wouldn’t do that if you were employed. Also be open to taking work that you would think you would nottake, like retail, restaurant work, cleaning, etc., even though it doesn’t fit with your degree. You would be surprised how impressive it is to employers that you have shown that you didn’t think you were too smart for a certain type of job. Also a variety of experiences opens your mind, and helps you realize, there is a much wider variety of work opportunities out there than we think.
Also, if you do not like teaching kids, trying volunteering a few hours a week teaching adults. You might be surprised how different it is. Good luck!

Hi Jo,

You were here about a month and a half ago. How are you currently doing?

Best wishes in your struggle.

Ah – your intuition is telling you to not have the baby. (I just saw this reply after reading the last one). I still think it would be best for all involved to consider the third party in this decision – that is, the baby. Good luck and I will hold you in the light.

Hi Alex, I can relate to what you are saying. A book that has helped me lately is 7 habits of highly effective people. I have heard of this book for years, and thought it sounded cheesy, but I can relate to what Steven Covey says, and I think it has a lot of spiritual connections, even if he doesn’t talk about what these connections are.
I think it is possible to take two steps – one is to take time to intentionally sit with where you are each day. Don’t just let the days pass, but actually schedule 30 minutes each day to sit comfortably and say to yourself, “I am going to spend time with this problem.” Don’t try to judge yourself, and don’t try to figure everything out. That is what you do for the rest of the day probably. But take a break from those knots in your mind, and just sit without judgement.
Another step, is to be very honest with yourself about something you truly enjoy doing – not something that you think you should like, , but instead think about what you really enjoy, savor whatever is in your mind, and then take a small step to go for whatever it is.
For me, I had to look carefully at my enjoyment of sports. Yes, I love exercise, but when I was very honest with myself, I realized there were times I actually did not enjoy exercise, because I was doing it for the wrong reasons (at times) – I was in some race to keep my body in shape, for sake of pleasing an image placed in front of me by the media. But when I really sat for a while with my enjoyment of sports, I found I could be more authentic with what I was doing.

You are doing well, because you are reaching out for answers, keep reaching out – you will find them.
There is nothing that says you need to stay in London – although you made a point similar to this quote – “If you don’t find Truth where you are, where, do you think you will find it?”
But if after some time of sitting with this, if you still feel promptings to leave, – I think that is following your intuition, which is one great source of Truth.
And finally my advice is this – find your spiritual spring – that may be a church, mosque, synagoque, or buddhist temple – i am sure there are so many options in London. The leaders and teachings of these great places are waiting for every person.

I agree – Never heard of Ho’oponopono looks great. Thank you for the idea.

My question is – how do you find what you are called to do?