Hi Adam,

PTSD can be pretty easy to treat.  A stress consultant would have in depth conversations with your girlfriend to ascertain how the problems arose, teach relaxation methods and within about six sessions, should be able to move on to treating PTSD.  In simple terms, trauma is caused by the emotions attached to an event.  Depression is the result of dominant personalities or grief that has been unexpressed.  Psychosis tends to run in families and needs expert help.  Of course, every case is different as to how problems arose.

Your own anxiety could also be helped considerably by learning relaxation techniques.  It could be as simple as learning to breathe fully (as opposed to shallow breathing) or taking up an exercise routine such as yoga or Qi Gong.  It’s worth thinking about.

Rejection is always tough to take.  We’ve all been there.  It doesn’t matter what her reasoning is, it still hurts.  You sound as if you are looking for a logical explanation and there perhaps isn’t one.  Accepting the situation as it is might bring you peace of mind.  I hope so.  Best Wishes.

Hi Adam,

I’ve read all the posts and it really does seem that you have shown yourself to be a loving, supportive partner towards your girlfriend.  The problem is that no matter how much you say or do, it disappears into an empty well.  PTSD is easy to treat when you (your girlfriend) finds a qualified professional.  I am speaking from that perspective.

For want of a better phrase, you have now been shown the red card.  You have found out where you stand with her from this dating app.  She’s looking for someone else.  I suggest that you mentally let her go with love and move on to someone new who can return your feelings.  Cut all contact and move on.

Hello Samy,

What you seem to be looking for is a way to heal your inner self.  I would like to make a suggestion.  Imagine yourself as a new born baby or look at a photo of yourself and send love to that image.  Send love to yourself to any time or any stage in your life when you felt this was lacking.  You have yourself.  Give yourself the emotional support that you feel your childhood and subsequent adulthood lacked.  Make time for this most important task.  You may need to do it several times a day whenever a ‘bad’ memory surfaces or perhaps for an hour before you go to sleep.  Slowly but surely this will have a deep impact on you.

Secondly, take some time to focus on your characteristics and positive aspects of yourself.  There is no such thing as ‘normal’.  We all have our own quirks.  Love yourself quirks and all.  Train your brain.  Use affirmations.  Seek out positive messages and display them on a pinboard where you can see them every day.  Your mind and body are interlinked.  Healthy mind = healthy body.

Fear is prevalent in our society.  Courageous people feel fear, they just don’t succumb to it.  They go out and do what they want to do in spite of it.  The choice is yours.

Love does not rely on people fitting the stereotype of what is ‘beautiful’.  People find love regardless of their looks.  Radiating love from within is beautiful.  Try it and see.  Spend five minutes a day literally breathing love in.  Every time you take an in-breath say the word ‘love’ silently or outloud.  This will circulate throughout your body and will change everything.

Be the miracle.

Best Wishes

Peggy

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Hello Canary,

What you are really saying (I think) is that you want to be loved for yourself.  During your time with your ex you could give expression to some parts of yourself which you may have kept hidden from other people.  Most people adapt their behaviour to some extent depending on who they are with.  Very few people are accepted totally for who they are and it sounds as if your ex boyfriend was one of those rare people who could do that.  His loss, therefore, is affecting you quite deeply.

He probably still appreciates your quirky nature but for reasons best known to himself isn’t able to continue the relationship with you.  Ultimately, you need to accept yourself as you are, quirks and all.  This is the way you were made and there probably isn’t much you can do about it so you may as well learn to love yourself exactly as you are.

Best Wishes

Peggy

Hello Saje

How are you today?  No one man has the answer for everyone.  It is not possible.  We are all different, special and unique.  Quotes are not necessarily the truth, regardless of where they came from.  The most upbeat, positive person may still be lacking something.  It’s OK to say that you are lacking a partner and that you would like one.  The world is not going to crumble because you say you lack something.  Your feelings are valid and if that is the way you feel so be it.  If you want to meet someone, then you need to be mixing with people.  Follow your own passions, join groups which interest you, volunteer etc.  Involve yourself with life, give ‘abundant’ love and before long you will be attracting love into your life.

Here’s a quote I read today:  If you had everything – where would you put it all?

Peggy

Hello Richard,

Can I just say that knowledge is never wasted and there will be a reason why you took your Ph.D.  I personally would find it very challenging to be on Zoom with students and having to converse presumably without a script.  I recently read some of my poetry out to a small, friendly group but, never having done such a thing before, I was very emotional and it came through in my voice.  Not being one to wear my heart on my sleeve (English expression?), sharing something so personal was ground breaking for me.  I received some applause for my efforts which was very comforting.

Every step you take is a step closer to your goal, even if you do have to move the goalposts sometimes.  I applaud you for your bravery, you kept going even though your heart was racing, and you controlled your emotions until you could release them safely in your own space.  You are doing OK.

Please don’t lose heart.  An excellent job opportunity will present itself to you soon.  Believe it.

Best Wishes

Peggy

Hello Nycartist,

I am sorry to hear that your diagnosis is causing you such angst.  You are going through an early menopause and are receiving medication to help with that.  At the moment, that seems to be the only thing that is wrong with you.  Seek advice as to whether or not your treatment in itself can contribute to a heart attack or cancer.  I don’t think it can.  Deal with one day at a time.  Listen to your husband when he tells you that your worrying will be detrimental to you in the long term.  Worrying about what will happen is futile.  It is always better to look for solutions than to look for problems.  Be grateful for all the things you have in your life today.  Go for walks in nature and meditate on all the beauty you see around you.  Breathe deeply whilst standing by a tree or walking through woodlands.  Feel glad to be alive.  As soon as negative thoughts of the future arise, say STOP.  Turn your thoughts around and focus on a future positive event.  Plan for outings that you can enjoy and accept invitations for get-togethers, hopefully with positive people.  It can be very uplifting.  Find reasons to celebrate.  You have this one life – get out there and enjoy it.  Whether you think positively or negatively, you are making a choice.  It’s up to you and no-one else.

I wish you health and happiness.

Peggy

Hello Richard,

I just wanted to add that it is usually easier to find employment when you are already in a job.  Your interview was (is) for a new position and as such there may be some scope to ‘make it your own’.   If this position doesn’t become yours, is there a possibility that you could move closer to your parents who seem to want to support you now.

As your girlfriend is in a job that she does not enjoy, perhaps you could talk to her about relocating to be close to you.  It seems that the distance is putting an added pressure on the aspect of you finding full time employment.

Is it possible that you could take a class in Qi Gong which strongly focuses on breathing with movement and becomes a form of meditation.  If not, certainly bring affirmations into your practice.

Again, I hope this all works out for you.

Best Wishes

Peggy