Hi Tee,

So my fears were true. He’s not coming to London. I asked him directly and he just said no, I’ll go straight to Portugal. I can’t believe this is happening. He broke his promise to me. My best friend! I’m so confused. I don’t what i do to deserve this. He kept promesing me that he would tell me if things changed, but he never did. I can’t keep doing this, this is too much.

Hi Tee,

Yeah not a lot, and he seems to struggle to relax. I only remember him spending one day off not doing anything. He is always ding something.

He said that they wanted him in Portugal for one month checking the properties they have there after his stay in Brazil, so that would be beginning of June. Then they wanted him to be there over the high season (in Portugal) But now they want to open properties in London as well so they want him to go there first. It sounded like he didn’t get a clear time from them. Like me coming to visit him on his birthday in June is a clear date, but he’s not sure how much time they will give him off (he’s hoping for two days) so we can’t really plan anything until we know exactly when which I don’t like.

I think he struggles with that too. Like I told him several times to talk to a manager about the head chef and he never did. Or try to get him to ask for shifts in reception when they needed it before giving those shifts t someone else. But it easy for me to say cuz I’m exactly the same and I’m still struggeling to set boundaries myself.

He wrote me yesterday to check up on how I was doing and so that felt good. The surgery was hard on him so the two days he didn’t work, but worked a lot the days after. He took a day off to spend time with his family on mother’s day so he needed that. He also mentioned that being with his family is what he needed at the moment. I think that working in the kitchen that long has hurt his mental health more than he’s willing to say. We had problems with him yesterday, he made the new chef cry then kicked him out of the kitchen. Then I got kicked out and a collegue for trying to check up on the delayed food orders. Also I don’t think that he has been in a relationship before, and maybe doesn’t know quite how to comminicate (like myself)

I have been really exhausted lately so put it aside but I  want to contact the therapist soon because she seems really good. It will have o be online and i’m not very technical but we will figure it out I think.

Hi Tee,

I not quite sure it’s gonna be like that. Right now I only hear from him when I write, and after several months of getting dysregulated by this i feel like I need more because it’s really hard on my health. But I’m hoping for the best.

Hi Tee,

Yeah they want him to stay there during the high season. But they keep changing it. Like he did the interview but they didn’t tell him he had to start work right after the interview (it was his day off after working the 6 12 hour shifts) so he had to cancel plans to see a friend. He said said he would only work 3 -4 hours when back home but he has been working 6 days a week (and studying) he sounded like he was afraid that I wouldn’t come and visit him in June, but they might only give him two days off and he don’t know exactly when. I have to put in a holiday request and also I’m worried that prices for flights are gonna get higher and higher the longer we wait. I’m afraid that this will be the end. Like apparently he liked me since he started working at the hostel (last may) but he always lets his fear of rejection stop him, had I known before we would have had more time together before this happened. But like he said we can’t change that now. He hasn’t accepted it yet but I think that he will, wrote him some things to consider in making this decision (pros of satying here and working remotely) but of course it’s intirely up to him to make this decision. He hasn’t replied to it, mean while I’m here cryin every day. I’ve been so emotionally exhausted. This is probably gonna be the third time i a bit more than a year that I am left broken hearted and have to pick up the pieces.

I have found a therapist back home (she does online sessions as well) and she works with improving romantic relastionsships, from heart ache to attachment style and all of that. I think that would be really helpful for me because this rollercoaster is too much for me.

Hi Tee,

Yes I starting to think it’s just the way she is some times. Since now one other girl mentioned it, and the way she kinda walked off on her own.

Nothing new happened just that we don’t talk as much as I would like. So I’m gonna tell him to just let me know if anything changes on his behalf he will let me know. Cuz i don’t have control over it and I don’t know if he is just gonna forget about me. If he was still working here i don’t think my anxiety would be so bad, cuz then i would know that he was definitly coming back. But with hus new job having head quaters in Portugal where he has lived before and he even has family there. And seeing all the couple at work (more colleagues have started dating) and my guy being do far away is hard. I really miss him and I don’t want to get hurt again.

Hi Tee,

Thank you so much! I’m so excited!

Yeah sorry. Yes It was X and Y who had a falling out after that.

I’m not sure. Every time I say something the others reply but not her. She’s not even making eye contact. But she’s definitly one of the people who take up more spaces, and are a lot more extroverted than me.

Well the top manager just sat me down today and said that even though Y is f&b manager it won’t affect me. The café is my area and if she passes the probation and takes over permantly as manager it’s not changing my situation, so I was very reliefed to hear that. I felt fairly safe in my job but everybody getting their shifts cut and talking about that plus I have a zero hour contract so they can in theory get rid of me from one day to another. But now I feel a lot better. I have worked hard in this job and now it’s paying of.

I think maybe it was because it had been quiet during the day that he let her go to have fun, and then after I left to join them it got really busy. She started this week and they say she really struggled, so I guess we have to wait and see.

Hi Tee,

We started talking on the phone now. Talked for hours and it was so good to hear his voice again, we are gonna call more now and start planing my trip to visit him in Portugal! His dad is doing much better and even though he has been working more than he said he would (8 hours so for him a lot less) he’s been on a family trip since Friday but coming back tomorrow. Said he wanted to catch up before our girls trip to Venice on Friday.

It’s kinda always been like that (kinda like that other guy) In the begining I thought it might be some insecurities, like she came overhere with her friend Y but me and Y work the same department and so have gotten to know each other a lot. She came overhere to start fresh after she was assulted by a man (she had an abortion the day after her 25th birthday) so even though she talks about boys and  other peoples love life she is very avoident when asked about her love life (she’s bi) That day she didn’t reply to anything I said and didn’t even look at me until some hours into it, her reaction to the fact that one of the boys (who has a girlfriend) had asked me to joinwasn’t very positive apparently he didn’t tell them that he invited me. I just get that feeling a lot with her, and then the next minute she seems fine. It’s weird though.

I am very happy that the Canadian girl wanted to meet for coffee again, because we had so much fun the last time. I have also been out with the American girl at work. She’s so nice, and spending time with her is always amazing. Even when her boyfriend joins we have a lot of fun (no third wheeling there) and they asked me to join them to Octoberfest this autumn.

Yeah I like her as a friend but as a collegue she’s not very responsible. Even the 19 year olds don’t think much about her performance, none of us really do. They made me café supervisor when our manager got fired, so I’m in charge of the café where I love working. She has to work from 7 pm to 3.30 am something she didn’t like herself. She is gonna start next week after our trip. So many changes at the moment have had me overwhelmed and I only have two shifts this week not three so trying to calm myself down and not read anything into it. I’m the only thay have positivly highlighted at every staff meeting saying I’m setting the standards, and now I’m café supervisor. People say I deserve it, they all say that the café is my domaine and noone does the same amount of work that I do. She will probably get a lot of complaints because she isn’t ready for this position and it pays more so she has to step up big time.

Hi Tee,

Thank you. It’s a huge relief that it’s getting easier.

Oh sorry it’s the same girl (green eyes brown hair, same looks like me and his x girlfriend ) just me not articulating properly. My guy was certain that he liked me, but he doesn’t seem jealous really just didn’t like when I said that it hurt seeing them together (before he told me he liked me) Yeah I think your right (about only bringing it up in the right moment) I didn’t have the best respond to him when he asked about my thoughts about us dating. I acted very childdish, I shut down and basically pretended I couldn’t hear him, then mentioned that I was looking therapy so I could start dating. I just panicked a bit, couldn’t say yes but couldn’t say no. I felt trapped  it just really caught me off guard cuz he never flirted with me, he said a lot of nice things to me and about me to others but he is a nice guy. I think it was my fear of intamacy that made me react like that, because I did indact ask around about him when he started working here.

Yeah that makes sense, cuz it really took all my energy, especially with his behaviour after. And he knows that I struggle in this department and so I need time.

I am constanly worried that he will leave me. Going from friends to more changes the dynamic and now all my wounds comes to surface, like you say. I nearly broke it off before it started because it would be easier for me to leave him than for him to leave me. I get very defensive when that wound gets activated. Your absolutly right and this is a good chance for me to heal those wounds, i am speaking my thruth more and more. Even just having that chat with the manager about the head chef was hard for me but I did it, and I have been opening up to him before he left that it was hard for me to see him leave and he said he felt the same. Being aware of when I start to assume I know what him (and people) are thinking is my first step, because I really don’t want to screw it up because of the past. I also think I am reacting this strongly because not only is he away for that long he’s also no longer working the same place as me, and it makes me afraid.

Yes, we talked about it and he said that we can call too if I like. We have been writing and he is very happy being with his family and going to the doctor with his dad and I have been going out with my collegues for drinks and dinner and it was really what I needed. Work has been so overwhelmening, too many changes Y is apparently gonna be our new f&b manager (after the one who got fired) which has made people wanna quit.